Thinking of ex moving on, how do you feel?

[Jennifurball]

Some days when I am feeling strong, I think 'poor bitch' about anyone who gets tangled up in his world. But then other times I feel like I never mattered, all memories of me gone because he has someone better, more suited, and probably better looking. Thinking of them doing things that we did, maybe him fathering another baby who will be in a proper family unit. Knowing how much his family hate me and being glad of his new girlfriend. I am sick of thinking about it. I keep dreaming about him and it is driving me insane, I want to move on so much. I don't want or fancy or love him so don't understand why I feel this way.

I can't imagine anyone wanting me, or me trusting anyone. I just hate this and sometimes wish I'd have just stayed, to keep the family together and not have to have this hanging over me, even though he was awful to me.

If he ever decides to come and see Scarlett, I worry that he will tell me he has met someone, it will be like a knife in my back. I wish so much that he didn't want to see her, but I know he will be back.

How does everyone else cope thinking about them with other women? Is it easier to accept once you actually know they are with someone?

 

[tiasmummy]

i was reading this thinking 'this is me!' are you me??? LOL hunni i know EXACTLY how u feel i dream about my baby father everynight and wake up with an empty space next to my bed thinking he should be here! he should be enjoying our daughter with me but its just not possible....my ex also has a new girlfriend which he lives with and plays daddy to her child and so far its lasted 3 months without any problems (that i know of) he was ridiculously abusive to me in every way and i hated being in that relationship yet i feel somewhere inside me why is he happy with this new girl and not me? did i deserve to be abused? its all so confusing, i feel your pain babe xx

 

[Dezireey]

Try and ask yourself if you would feel this way about him if you had not had a child together. I look back now and realise that with my FOB I would have never looked back nor bothered with him at all nor even tried to contact him again if it was a break up that didn't involve a baby. If you can honestly say that yes, you would have moved on if LO wasn't in the picture, then it's not him you miss or regret or want to be with etc, it's having a 'man' in LO's life. Once you know why you feel this way it's a start to moving forward. And you HAVE to move on, for your own sanity.If and when you meet someone else , and you will having him love both you and your babba will make up for everything FOB put you through. I know in my heart that if I met a lovely man tomorrow and as long as he loved my boy aswell, I don't think I'd give FOB a second thought anymore.

 

[Jennifurball]

Thank you both.

tiasmummy I feel like that, NOW we have split, he is getting help for his drink, why didn't he do that when I was pregnant?? Why put me through 5 years of abuse and now someone else is getting the best side of him with no effort.

Dezireey, if we didn't have Scarlett, I would probably have still been with him, plodding along, hoping he would change and if I am honest, I only got back with him cos I didn't want anyone else to have him (we split for 8 months before I got pg). Crazy I know, all my family and friends wondered how the hell he got me, you would never put us together but he seemed to have this hold over me where I couldn't let him go. I only left because I felt his drinking was putting Scarlett in danger, not to mention he was physically abusive towards me and if he had gone too far and killed me, I would dread to think of the life she would have.

You know what, reading that back - his new women are bloody welcome to all that.

I agree that if I meet the right one, I won't give ex a second thought.

 

[whatwillbe]

I think my ex fob had moved on before I even got pregnant and before we finished, I'd love to be happy for him but the way he ended it or didn't end it, without any explanation or anything makes me so mad and I think why should he be happy when he's left me practically broken ? The thought of them together makes me sick too, an I think what's so good about her ? Makes me think the whole time he was with me , he didn't really even like or fancy me, I was just there for him when he had nothing better to do, but it is getting easier I can understand how you feel Hun, even though you don't love him now, I think your grieving for what could and should of been, and why he couldn't get help for his drinking ect when you were together, I hope if he does meet some one else your well over him by then so it won't bother you, but even if he does meet someone, I can't see him treating her any better than he did you x

 

[tiasmummy]

dezireey what your saying is SO true i wouldnt give a crap about my fob if i didnt have a baby with him...its my dream of a real family that i miss jennifurball my ex was also abusive to me yet i dont think hes laid a finger on his new girlfriend? dont understand men xx

 

[Jennifurball]

Thanks. You are right, he is only not drinking cos his family are watching over him, it won't be easy to ignore drink forever, when seeing his mates, going on dates etc. x

 

[Jennifurball]

dezireey what your saying is SO true i wouldnt give a crap about my fob if i didnt have a baby with him...its my dream of a real family that i miss jennifurball my ex was also abusive to me yet i dont think hes laid a finger on his new girlfriend? dont understand men xx

No one knows what goes on behind closed doors. I kept the abuse from everyone for years.

 

[Jade--x]

I was in a bad relationship left when I was pregnant and was harrassed the entire pregnancy and after he was born and I was praying the entire time for him to find someone else and leave me alone! When he eventually did all I felt was relief.
With my other he doesn't see LO and all and in all honesty I haven't even given him a second thought or missed him at all :/ In fact I think he's a right tool and isn't worth the space in my brain lol.
Sorry you girls feel how you do, I learnt after the things I was put through in that first relationship after being hurt again and again and again and then even more, that I needed to shut off be strong and not let it get to me and once I did that time I left I got pretty good at it, so I guess I'm a little different, as it made me strong enough to not let others do it.
I do hope you find some kind of closure soon x

 

[Jennifurball]

Thank you.

After everything he has put me through, I SHOULD be relieved. Why the hell am I assuming he is going to be perfect with his next gf? His behaviour was too extreme. He was embarrassing, a cheat, mouthy, abusive. He even pulled his pants down once and shoved his bits in a girls face when I was heavily pregnant, I was so embarrassed, I don't know how I didn't chop it off. I am fuming for even putting up with it. That is just a tiny example of what he is like.

 

[Laura2919]

I'm seriously glad I am no longer with him. I am happy to be without him in my life and each day that passes makes me realise even more so.

It doesn't change anything. We still aren't right for each other and we never would be. He is somebody I don't know anymore and the person he has become makes me think I never want to know him.

Anyway point is, one day you'll trust men or a man again and things will be different.

 

[Dezireey]

I think back to anytime I have got a bit stuck on an ex and I remember that silly saying 'in order to get over someone, you need to get under someone else' lol

I think it's usually true in a womens case if she falls for someone else, then her thoughts are occupied as well as other areas. Men, they ( excuse me for being rude and blunt) just need to find the nearest willing orifice to stick it in, they are that basic. I would never sell yourself short and never think his new girlfriend must be better, prettier etc. It's never like that. They just need to find something new and different to take their mind of someone. men can easily separate sex from love, we can't . That's why we just don't understand their behaviour most of the time. I still get days where I wonder if he is with someone, I get the impression he is not with anyone but I know he flirts like a crazy guy with most women, always has done, even in my face. Idiot. Meh, seriously I blame myself for choosing such a dufus in the first place, but if I hadn't gone out with that particular tool of a boyfriend, I wouldn't have my particular, unique little boy. meant to be. I'd go through it all again ( like go back in a time machine) just to make sure I have my LO. So, wash that man out of your hair, say 'feck it, it's his loss' and start your flirt on with someone who is kinder, nicer and more of a man than he will ever be. Just make sure you choose right next time. I think I'll have an interview card on my next date!

 

[Danie1stbaby]

This is one of the most deepest threads I have ever read on here.I was ok until I read this...it broke me down in tears that is EXACTLYYYYYY how I feel~ I did everything right and he never gave my baby and I a chance.3 yrs of trying with this man! My 1st mother's day this year,he took his teenage escort(actually sells her body) out on a horse carriage ride...I didn't get a simple Happy Mother's day,he is with her now while she is pregnant and saying it's a few guy's baby...he walked away from me when I was 4 months..changed his number two.He went from me taken him to work one morning,telling me what he wanted for dinner...disappearing for a month after that day..and then I recieved a link to pics online...of him and that teen nude together.My heart aches still,my soul cries...I may smile on the outside but I am not living...I am coping.Ladies I can't stop crying right now,how did all of us survive such neglect? We are someone's mom,daughter,sister...we are loved too.So how can a man you love with every cell in your body and being,just stop loving you out the blue? This man is a abuser as well,he couldn't beat on me bc I fight back.He uses a drug called pcp,he drinks a lot,no highschool education...I never did drugs,graduated from college...how did I fall in love with this man? must have been a void within myself I was looking to fill.I wish I could undo all of our pain. I'm stronfg sometimes too,and at times I am weak....I just want to know why no one fights for my love.I do everything too right~I love people before I love myself,I give my all.Why this man threw us away like trash? I know he isn't healthy for me,and I agree if there was no baby,I would cry..build a bridge and get over it...I am just sick to my belly to think of how a person could be so cold.I had no business doing this..but I called her phone from a blocked number the other night....he answered...and my heart melted.I hung up,held my baby and cried until we both went asleep...can't believe I still care

 

[Jennifurball]

That is so sad

I am sorry this thread upset you, I know how you feel and it's crap.

I think it's harder cos he was my only serious boyfriend. I don't have that experience of falling in love again so it doesn't feel believable just yet.

Makes me feel better he would be seeing others to get over me, even if that isn't true for him, it feels comforting to think that.

It was me who left him so that also adds to the niggles in my head.

 

[JennyBLove]

I feel the same way as you all!!! It sucks we were doormats to these men that treated us so poorly that now we question our own hopr e in ourselves, I know well make it but this pain on the way there iss intense! I am such a person run by my feelings rather then actions, and it sucks. My fob ex just moved his bed set out nmade me break down all night n day today again. Just to know how hes movi.g on living life and making things better for only him. We mmade this baby together, on purpose yet now he cares nothing how I feel or how im doing, just does things to get me out his hair, like pays bills n rent. Mostly that is. I am stuckin this in many ways. Just praying for strength as im only 11 weeks pregnant. I dream of him everynight n hurts bad!! Started a blog on my journey and hopes it helps me to insipre myself and others that things will eventually someday be okay. You can checkout if you want at
https://justhope0520.blogspot.com/?m=1

 

[tiasmummy]

yea as with jennifurball said, i left him so i have lots of 'what if i hadnt?' thoughts....on another note when he did get with his new girl i told him i was upset and he said to me clearly and sincerely 'u broke up with me u have nothing to be jealous about.' so i guess that says it all really.

 

[Dezireey]

Perhaps really nice, kind people can sometimes get caught off guard and attract others that are complete opposites. I am 39 and I still get it wrong choosing men, I try to see the good in people and tend to ignore the bad. My fault, I chose a man that I knew wasn't a 100% nice man he was just 40% nice and I thought our 'love' would get us through anything. if I had thought more wisely and not been in love with love, I probably would have chosen a better partner. And that's all it is ladies, we made a mistake in getting involved with the wrong 'type' of man for us. That is the only thing we have done wrong, the only thing. Choose very wisely in future and never ignore red flags. These idiots gave us our wonderful babies, so at least there is that about meeting them.

 

[gracexxx]

My FOB left me when I was 7 months pregnant, He said he got scared and completely ignored me from then on, we still don't speak till this day. He moved on very soon. After leaving me, which I found out from Facebook. My heart felt like it had broken into a million pieces and I've never felt so hurt. I decided to block him, I thought it was the best thing to do. But just now I went on facebook and came across his new girlfriends profile pic of them looking so happy together, and now I've once again burst into tears. I'm well aware that we are both best off without him, but still it just hurts so much to think that he totally denies any existence of his own daughter, and to see him so happy with his new girlfriend whilst I've been so upset and depressed for so long all because of him.

 

[JennyBLove]

Aww i feel all of your pain here, wether we were left or we left ehm. It still hurts because we have made and created this life thats a part of them and its hard. I am sick of hurting over him as well, and feel i will never get over but ugh i know someday i will. Des- you said it perfectly....
Why do we have to go through all this..what happened to all the old fasioned men that are real??? they think that finding new girl and runnning through them like a pack of cigs is going to make thier life better. There only about a few things these days and all these men on child support is disgusting, wonder if there was child support back when i grandma was having kids??? very unheard of im sure, u stayed with the man and made thiings work and i would for my baby, maily cuz im still in love, but to go through all the pain sucks. i make horrible choices i guess. Mine blames on me and says my fault baby will not have father. And i know hes gotta be seeing someone, was supposed to bring me to get food today, and only stopped by to get things he left here and brought me tp and waffles ( like thats all i need pregnant) and now is ignoring me and does alll night long. Just so hurt and have to move on but so out of energy too and lost. i hope we all get past this and no matter what karma will get them!!

 

[tiasmummy]

grace the same thing happend to me i found out about his new girlfriend on facebook and he kept posting pics of them up looking happy together and even had the cheek to then add me as a friend claiming he wanted to see pics of our daughter but all his statuses were about waking up to her face each morning i was so hurt i couldnt take it anymore i blocked him and havent looked back since. if he wants to see pics of our daughter he can ask to see them via picture messaging. block them both you cant let them keep hurting you through the internet xx ridiculous really isnt it? pics mean nothing btw i have many pics of me and my ex looking happy but i wasnt really....if your relationship is that great you'll want to share it with eachother, not the whole world xx