This is my story sad but true

[rossyrozela]

On the 18th of October went for my 20 weeks scan and was given the bad news,they said that my baby had so many abnormalities and she wouldnt survive.I was adviced that termination was the best option.Me and my parter made the decision to go on with the termination.So i turned back to the consultant and asked her what is next she then told me that i need to go to Maristopes ,i asked her for the contacts and she told me that i have to go online and look up then book it and after that ring her back and she will give me the referral,I went home did just that and when i phoned her to confirm that i had been booked in for the termination at Maristopes,she told me to go ahead,at that point i assumed that she will fax the referral letter or phone Maristopes,so i left it at that.The next day went to Maristopes where they took all the blood test and carried out another scan.The sad part of this situation is that even when all this was happening my consultant had not sent my referral to Maristopes and i was not given the report of my 20 wks scan.So i had to explain to the doctor at Maristopes why i wanted that termination done and it was hard doing that because i couldnt stop crying.I wanted my baby so much but there i was ready to go for atermination with no referral and no scan report and with staff asking me to explain my situation.Anyways,the termination went ahead ,it was the most painful experiance i have ever had to go through,i was in so much pain and was begging for pain relief which was given to me only when i had asked for an ambulance .I dont think any human being should be put through this at any time.

Now the sadest thing also is that my termination was done and the remains of my baby just disposed ,no test were carried out.I will never know what type of chromosome abnormality my baby had,i had no say whether i wanted to bury my baby or cremate her ,i still cry when i think of the treatement i got from NHS, i read here of women who have gone through loss like myself but the difference is they were treated with so much compassion and had the care they needed.

I wonder if i wanted to have another baby will it be the same situation as i have no results and will never have results from pathology as the remains of my little girl was disposed just like rubbish.I bonded with my baby,she kicked in the morning and in the evenings.How can i just forget that.

Also when i had my 12 weeks scan the sonographer apparently made amistake she wrote in my report that she could see both feet and arms and they were normal the term she used was BOTH VISIBLE AND NORMAL.tHEN AT 20 WEEKS ,the scan revealed that there was only one arm.So apparently two arms were visible at 12 weeks then at 20 weeks all of asurden one disapeared.I was told by ascreening midwife that arms and feet can not be visible at 12 weeks and nobody knows how the sonographer came up with this.

I see women here who have lost their baby and they have aphoto of them but i have nothing.

Also at maristopes i was put in the same room as other women who you could hardly see that they are pregnant and me there i was showing and one asked me why did i leave it too late.

Also at Maristopes because i did not have areferral letter i was asked at the reciption why i wanted the termination and there were two other people sitting there listening .Then Even when it was time to see the surgeon ,he was there with 4 of his staff and i had to explain that to them too .As i was explaining they ll had their eyes clued into my bump as it was sticking out like asore thump.

My wish for all the girls is that no one should ver go through hat i went through.Its painful,it hurts and hen it does hurt it cuts right deep iside my heart,i have dark days and days that i try to put my head up for my 3 year old.I need amiracle to survive this

 

[MummyStobe]

Oh sweetie I am so so sorry that you had to go through this. The treatment you received from the NHS was appalling, you should have been given more support and options from them. I can't pretend that I know what it is like to go through this as my son was fine when I had my scan but my waters broke about 10 minutes after leaving the scan room and I was admitted to the maternity ward where I gave birth to him 2 days later. Some of the other ladies here lost their babies after receiving bad news at the 20 week scan stage so they may be able to offer a bit more support than I can.

I'm so sorry for your loss and you are very welcome to join us here. The ladies are all amazing and have been my lifeline through the past three months. I hope you gain as much comfort and support here as I have.

Sending massive hugs and thinking about you at this difficult time

Fly high little one

 

[mhazzab]

I'm so sorry for your loss, you are very brave to share your story with us.
You have been treated horribly, I can't imagine what that must have been like. My experience of losing my girls was horrific, but thankfully I was treated with compassion, I can't understand how it could be any different.

I'm sorry you didn't get the chance to meet your baby, or to get any tests done.

Have you done anything as a memorial for your little one, maybe hold a little service, plant a tree, get a piece of jewellery? I have done these and it helped me to have something physical to hold and see.

Sadly, because nobody ever met your baby, most people will move on and expect you to, as well, they forget that you had weeks to bond while baby was growing inside you.

We are here for you, whatever you need, it's sad having to welcome you here but you will always have someone to listen to you in here.

Have you also found the ethical losses section? You might find that useful too, there are other women in there who have had to go through the same things as you

Xxxx

 

[Andypanda6570]

I am heartbroken for you and in complete shock and utter disgust of how you were treated. I also lost my Ava at 20 weeks, but I gave birth to her in my house and then went to the hospital and we buried her on 3/11/2011. I cannot imagine the pain and anguish you are and have went through, I want to reach out and hold you and hug you. You should have been at least given the option for testing to be done and a reason as to why your angel passed away and also the choice of a burial, I don't know how you must be feeling or what you are going through, you must be devastated We ALL are here for you DAY or NIGHT. You need to get some answers any answers, you need to get back in there and with whatever papers you have and demand explanations and demand why testing was not done and why why why you were NOT given the right to have your baby cremated or buried . I am in the United States so i may not understand all you need to do so i hope someone in your area comes into this thread and helps you. I am here whenever you need me, just message me, I am so deeply sorry..XOOXOXOO Andrea

 

[Hellylou]

I am so sorry for your loss. I am also amazed at how you were treated. There is so much about your story that is just appalling. I have no experience of marie stopes or your situation, as my loss happened due to waters breaking early, and it all happened in hospital in the gynaecology ward, but I hope some of the ladies here will be able to offer some more answers. It's just terrible.

Also, you mention the 12 week scan - arms and legs are visible at that scan - I was 12 weeks + 6 days at mine and I could see my baby's fingers, so that midwife was wrong there too.

I'm so sorry, I hope you can find some answers and a way of coming to terms with a terrible loss which was made so more unnecessarily traumatic for you. We are all here to listen whenever you need to talk

 

[PoodleMommy]

I am so sorry for the nightmare you've been through. When you are blessed with your next pregnancy, I beg you not to terminate based on one sonographer's/doctor's opinion. There are many women who are told at the 20-week scan that there are numerous abnormalities and the baby won't survive, when the baby ends up being just fine. Your doctor was COMPLETELY unethical to advise you to terminate rather than getting another scan done 4-6 weeks later, and/or amniocentesis, or at the very least, a second opinion.

This is not correct either:

I was told by ascreening midwife that arms and feet can not be visible at 12 weeks

At 12 weeks, I saw not only arms, hands, and feet, but each little finger and toe. If arms and feet were visible at 12 weeks, then it's likely one was tucked away/hidden somehow at the time of the 20-week scan. I know you're grieving and just want to move on, but I would probably consider suing in this situation... I just think of all the women I know who were told their babies had numerous birth defects, but the babies were perfectly fine, and it angers me to think if they had terminated a perfectly healthy baby.... What's done is done, and I know nothing can bring your baby girl back, but I urge you to take matters into your own hands next time rather than being pressured to do something a doctor is telling you you need to do. I wish you all the best as you grieve this terrible loss.

 

[rossyrozela]

Thank you so much all you beautiful mothers for your kind and comforting words,i need it i know we all have been through loss and it is ahard thing to go through ,i too iam also very sorry for everyones loss,i know and can feel their pain.For the mothers who have gone through loss and trying again like myself i wish you all healthy pregnancy and healthy babies,I feel very positve that we are all going to have healthy babies in future.I think that going through adifficult time only makes you astronger person.I have moments when iam all over the place with emotions and other times when i try to keep my head up,i did buy a cross pendant that i wear everyday to me it is the only thing i have that connects me to my angel.I have afollow up appoitment on the 16th Dec and i will hear what they have to tell me.My GP did advice me to make aformal complain ,she thought it was terrible to be treated like that.I agree

 

[rossyrozela]

Yes the sonograph did say that arms and legs are visible and normal,and that is in my report,our only concern at 20 weeks was the fact that onely one arm was visible ,seeing two normal arms and feet at 12 weeks then seeing one arm at 20 weeks doesnt make sense to me,if she could have said in the report that it appeared normal then i wouldnt have argued with that but when she says it is VISIBLE AND NORMAL to me that suggest that she saw what she saw and 100% saw what it was.Not unless she just assumed it was visible .If she could have seen any abnormality at the time then there could have been alarm bells and i could have been monitored closely and maybe i couldnt have gone as far as 20 wks.

 

[PoodleMommy]

Yes the sonograph did say that arms and legs are visible and normal,and that is in my report,our only concern at 20 weeks was the fact that onely one arm was visible ,seeing two normal arms and feet at 12 weeks then seeing one arm at 20 weeks doesnt make sense to me,if she could have said in the report that it appeared normal then i wouldnt have argued with that but when she says it is VISIBLE AND NORMAL to me that suggest that she saw what she saw and 100% saw what it was.Not unless she just assumed it was visible .If she could have seen any abnormality at the time then there could have been alarm bells and i could have been monitored closely and maybe i couldnt have gone as far as 20 wks.

Exactly! It's possible to miss something that's really there (depending on baby's position etc.), but no sonographer would ever say something is "visible and normal" if it's not there!! The more I think about what happened to you, the more upset I get... I hope you will be VERY outspoken about this and keep asking questions until you get answers. Also, they may be able to give you a copy of one of the ultrasound photos so that you at least have a memento of your precious baby girl.

 

[OliveBay]

I am so so sorry to hear how awful your experience was It is just shocking how insensitive your treatment has been and how few options you were given. You have been so brave telling us about it. I have no experience of mariestopes - I had to go back to my local hospital to be induced there at 22 weeks and the staff were so amazing that I am going to write to the hospital to thank them. Even though were going through a truly heart-breaking experience, every member of staff who dealt with us did so with care and sensitivity and we were given choices all along about what testing was going to be done afterwards, seeing and holding our baby, funeral arrangements etc. Being treated with dignity and care made the whole awful thing a little more tolerable for us, and reading your story just makes me sad and angry.

I am so sorry for the crap experience you have had to endure. I'm sending you lots of hugs, as that's all I can do (I wish I could do more)

 

[Hellylou]

I am so sorry for the nightmare you've been through. When you are blessed with your next pregnancy, I beg you not to terminate based on one sonographer's/doctor's opinion. There are many women who are told at the 20-week scan that there are numerous abnormalities and the baby won't survive, when the baby ends up being just fine. Your doctor was COMPLETELY unethical to advise you to terminate rather than getting another scan done 4-6 weeks later, and/or amniocentesis, or at the very least, a second opinion.

This is not correct either:

I was told by ascreening midwife that arms and feet can not be visible at 12 weeks

At 12 weeks, I saw not only arms, hands, and feet, but each little finger and toe. If arms and feet were visible at 12 weeks, then it's likely one was tucked away/hidden somehow at the time of the 20-week scan. I know you're grieving and just want to move on, but I would probably consider suing in this situation... I just think of all the women I know who were told their babies had numerous birth defects, but the babies were perfectly fine, and it angers me to think if they had terminated a perfectly healthy baby.... What's done is done, and I know nothing can bring your baby girl back, but I urge you to take matters into your own hands next time rather than being pressured to do something a doctor is telling you you need to do. I wish you all the best as you grieve this terrible loss.

I'm not entirely sure that telling rossyrozela that she may have made a wrong decision is very supportive at this difficult time. To imply that the sonographer and consultant were wrong, her baby may have been fine, and that she made a hasty choice is not going to help ease her pain. The consultant implied there were 'numerous abnormalities and the baby would not survive' - we don't know details at this point. She also had another scan at marie stopes before the termination, at which point I am sure they would have picked up a complete misdiagnosis.

 

[amotherslove]

i'm so sorry for your loss.. and for how you were treated.. thats just awful.. much the same as everyone else said, you an 100% see arms and legs at a 12 week.. i saw my lilys arms and legs though she only grew to ten weeks. they looks like little buds in my pics so you should be able to see them clearly at 12 weeks. much love and youre in my thoughts

 

[yazoo]

I am so sorry that you have had to join us here and i am sorry about how you were treated. I hope you get some answers. I have no experience with your situation but I am here for you at anytime if you ever want to talk.

Fly high little girl. xxxx

 

[Andypanda6570]

I am so sorry for the nightmare you've been through. When you are blessed with your next pregnancy, I beg you not to terminate based on one sonographer's/doctor's opinion. There are many women who are told at the 20-week scan that there are numerous abnormalities and the baby won't survive, when the baby ends up being just fine. Your doctor was COMPLETELY unethical to advise you to terminate rather than getting another scan done 4-6 weeks later, and/or amniocentesis, or at the very least, a second opinion.

This is not correct either:

I was told by ascreening midwife that arms and feet can not be visible at 12 weeks

At 12 weeks, I saw not only arms, hands, and feet, but each little finger and toe. If arms and feet were visible at 12 weeks, then it's likely one was tucked away/hidden somehow at the time of the 20-week scan. I know you're grieving and just want to move on, but I would probably consider suing in this situation... I just think of all the women I know who were told their babies had numerous birth defects, but the babies were perfectly fine, and it angers me to think if they had terminated a perfectly healthy baby.... What's done is done, and I know nothing can bring your baby girl back, but I urge you to take matters into your own hands next time rather than being pressured to do something a doctor is telling you you need to do. I wish you all the best as you grieve this terrible loss.

I'm not entirely sure that telling rossyrozela that she may have made a wrong decision is very supportive at this difficult time. To imply that the sonographer and consultant were wrong, her baby may have been fine, and that she made a hasty choice is not going to help ease her pain. The consultant implied there were 'numerous abnormalities and the baby would not survive' - we don't know details at this point. She also had another scan at marie stopes before the termination, at which point I am sure they would have picked up a complete misdiagnosis.

I totally agree, that was not very nice or helpful and that is NOT how we support one another in here.

 

[rossyrozela]

To me this site is home,i find so much comfort here,this is my new home,this is the first time that i have received so much comfort ,so much love no words can describe it.im so thankful ,iam amazed at how mothers who have also lost babies can find words of comfort for someone else when they themselves are also hurting and in pain.Your words gives me the reason to want to continue living,seeing that there are also others going through the same pain,i love all of you so much and how i wish i can also hug you all and tell you that i feel your pain.last night is the first time that i saw my baby in my dream and she looked so perfect i was even breasfeeding her in this dream.My partner was the first one to see her in his dream 4 weeks ago and last last was my turn.God she was so beautiful.Beautiful eyes beautiful skin .I love her so much.

 

[rossyrozela]

When it came to making the decision to have the termination,i was 100% sure that it was the right decision because i was told that the abnormalities are so many and the consultant (they were two consultants) went further to say that there maybe even others that we cant see and can only be seen when the baby is born.They also did say to me that if i left it too late for the termination it gets more difficult.So now i more or else had asecond opinion because they were two consultants then both of them suggested that termination was the best thing to do.At Maristopes they do the scan but they dont do diagnosis,maristopes they just terminate and dispose.If i knew that was the case i could not have gone there and if my consultant knew that maristopes would not have carried out the diagnosis why the hell did she ask me to go and have it done there.Mind you she didnt even refer me to them she just told me to go ahead.
I have spoken to the lady who is looking into the complain ,she is the Divisional manager of midwifery and she told me that,the sonographer are not trained long enough as they should and she also said that the consultant that i was dealing with in that particular day was new to the hospital and must have missed the hospital procedures.I asked her how that is suppose to help me.iam sitting here without knowing what type of chromosomes it was ,whether genetis or not,how do i even plan for future pregnancy because i do want to have another go.No test results for me.If only my consultant could have referred me to maristopes and requested Maristopes to carry out sample test on my babys remains maybe i could have had some answers unfortunately i will never have answers.

 

[Nikki_d72]

I am so, so sorry you had to endure that and you were treated with so little compassion. I've no idea why they sent you to somewhere else to have the procedure, it is usually done in the hospital, so for that alone I would want to put in a complaint. I'm also so sorry you will have no answers, but that is more often than not the case even when tests are carried out, though I know that will bring you little comfort.

I am here for you whenever you want to chat and I hope we can all help you through these first dark day and weeks and beyond. Please don't be afraid to ask questions, we all are happy to help in any way we can. We all do this because it was done for us and the only thing we can do for each other is listen and talk. I wish I had a magic wand and I could take all our pain away but I don't, all I have is words. When you've been through what we all have, if you think you can ease someone else's suffering even a tiny bit by talking here then we will. It's kept me sane to be here, I really mean that. I'm sorry as well for what PoodleMommy said to you too, I also thought that was really unhelpful and misguided. I've never met her in here before, you don't normally encounter stuff like that in here.

I wish you the gentlest days ahead possible, sorry again for your loss, fly high little angel xxx

 

[Andypanda6570]

When it came to making the decision to have the termination,i was 100% sure that it was the right decision because i was told that the abnormalities are so many and the consultant (they were two consultants) went further to say that there maybe even others that we cant see and can only be seen when the baby is born.They also did say to me that if i left it too late for the termination it gets more difficult.So now i more or else had asecond opinion because they were two consultants then both of them suggested that termination was the best thing to do.At Maristopes they do the scan but they dont do diagnosis,maristopes they just terminate and dispose.If i knew that was the case i could not have gone there and if my consultant knew that maristopes would not have carried out the diagnosis why the hell did she ask me to go and have it done there.Mind you she didnt even refer me to them she just told me to go ahead.
I have spoken to the lady who is looking into the complain ,she is the Divisional manager of midwifery and she told me that,the sonographer are not trained long enough as they should and she also said that the consultant that i was dealing with in that particular day was new to the hospital and must have missed the hospital procedures.I asked her how that is suppose to help me.iam sitting here without knowing what type of chromosomes it was ,whether genetis or not,how do i even plan for future pregnancy because i do want to have another go.No test results for me.If only my consultant could have referred me to maristopes and requested Maristopes to carry out sample test on my babys remains maybe i could have had some answers unfortunately i will never have answers.

I am so very sorry this is even happening. I am not in the same situation only the same is i will never have answers why my Ava was taken from me at 20 weeks It hurts so much but not compared to actually loosing her. I do hope with your case something or somebody will see how you have been treated how horribly your case was managed and come to your defense and DO something, for now all I can say is we all are here to listen. I am so sorry

 

[SarahJane]

I have nothing else to say which hasn't been said already but want to send you lots of love. I am so terribly sorry for your loss

 

[babylou]

So sorry for your loss. I am happy that you have found comfort in chatting with us here on this forum. I know the ladies on here have really helped me though bad times.

love and hugs