This is soooo hard

[Mrs Doddy]

I am so scared of losing another baby, I cant go through it again, people say to me that it will be ok this time, how the hell do they know that ????- I know they are only trying to help but there is just as much risk as before and no one knows whats going to happen.

Im soo happy about being pregnant again but I am holding myself back from being happy, I keep telling myself that at the moment its not a baby, if I lost it it didn't have arms and legs and the whole thing isnt real.

At the same time (before we even knew I was pregnant we started) we are decorating the nursery, setting finances in place, midwife booked, scan form sent off and am counting the weeks. Every time I think happy thoughts they turn into flashbacks of the scan day and the mc.

I have tried being positive but im in - maybe its because tommorow would have been my due date for little bean #1

 

[lauralora]

awwwww

i no how hard it is, im struggling so bad and look at my ticker, im over 18 weeks, but my misscarrage at 6 weeks in july has ruined my chances of being positive and happy during this pregnancy.

i spend my days just counting down the days to the next midwife appointments or scans, knicker checking and obsessing over discharge.

in my first trimester it helped me to just take one day at a time, (i still worried every second) but like you i tried to think id no what to expect with an early misscarrage. now i freak out about having to go through a labor like experience if anything happend

unfortunatley it stays hard all the way through, but you just have to try and stay as strong and relaxed as you can, NOT EASY i no this! eat healthy and spend as much time resting as possible!! xxx

 

[Las78]

Hun, I know what you mean.

The hardest part is that uncertainty and the constant reminders of your previous loss which seem to come to the forefront of your mind being pregnant again. No-one knows what is going to happen, just know that we will have everything crossed that this time it will work out for you.

It really is a case of taking a day at a time and keeping focused on those milestones. I know only too well how damn hard that is but it really did help me stay sane although many a time I didn't think I would mentally make it through this pregnancy.

I won't deny I have been through a lot of anxiety this time round, all the joy of pregnancy which I was fortunate enough to experience with my first 2 children just disappeared with this one. I couldn't get excited or feel anything for this baby for a long while. This time round I started bleeding at 5weeks and that continued to week 18 and even when it stopped I was waiting for it to start again, my only hope came from the fact that this time they could give me a reasonable explanation for th ebleeding, I still worried though. I'm now 23 weeks and can assure you that it has become easier, especially once I had got past that awful 17w 5 mark when I last lost, but you know I read all these stories on the mc board about stillbirth and now I worry myself about that - at the end of the day until I'm holding my baby in my arms I'm not going to totally relax and I think having been through what we have and hearing what others have said these feelings are quite normal, not that that really helps!

It is totally understandable that you are upset with it being your due date tommorrow hun, I will be thinking of you and I hope it isn't too hard a day for you. I know I dreaded my due date and it really helped to do something special for my angel on that day.
I am coming up to the first year on 6 Feb and I'm dreading that now, Ryan should have been 6 months old at that point. I'm just greatful it's a saturday so I can go to his grave and not have to try and deal with work.

Take good care of yourself hun, try and keep positive and I hope tommorrow isn't too hard on you.

Lots of Hugs xx

 

[JASMAK]

 

[dizzy65]

awwe i know exactly how u feel. i cant alow my self to feel happy about being pregnant again its just to hard because what if i loose it again i dont think i could handle it

 

[maybebaby3]

it is really tough. i had 2 m/c b4 getting pregnant with my 1st son. i was terrified all through the pregnancy. luckily all was ok and he is now 4. i am now pregnant with my 3rd baby and although i am more relaxed it is difficult 2 fully relax as others who have not experienced m/c can.

 

[Mummy2Asher]

(((hugs)))

 

[pinkgem100]

Hi chick

i know how you feel, i am feeling the same, with people telling me that it will be different, but like you said, how do they know. i feel really guilty as when i found out i was pregnant last time we got really excited and where picking baby names etc and this time nothing as i dont want to get to attached incase it all goes wrong.

I hope you are feeling better soon. xx

 

[cazza22]

I could have written those words huny bith me & OH are holding back from being happy. Its such a shame how MC's spoil our pregnancy experience. Im over 8 weeks now and have a scan next monday i have horrible butterflies everytime i think about it its just awful. Fingers crossed for all our beans we deserve them so much i have so much love to give this Little One inside of me. Ive been put on rest due to spotting brown discharge on and off for 2 weeks so im just paying bubs is snuggled in my tummy x x x x
Ur not alone hun xxxxxx Lov Caz xxxxxxxxx

 

[loobi]

hello....i am in same boat as you...i had a loss last year at 17 weeks, and i am finding myself trying not to let myself see me at the end of this witha baby in myarms, ust in case it happens to me again....its such a shame , as it is an experience tobe cherished and enjoyed, but its almost impossible to do that....
you are not alone love, and we always here to listen
xxxxxxx

 

[Hoolie]

No you're not alone. It is very hard to get excited about a pregnancy after miscarriage. I'm also finding it hard to bond with the baby. I couldn't put a ticker up and I still can't allow myself to really believe that in June I will be holding a baby.


I have had a couple of momens of feeling excited more recently though as the pregnancy has progressed (nearly 18 weeks now) and I hope this will be the same for you. The moments are rare and I quickly return to being doubtful and anxious again but they are happenign now and again.

Alex

 

[BBonBoard]

 

[philly1982]

I am feeling exactly the same. I had a m/c this time last year. No syptoms just went for the scan and found my little boo had died. Now i am 11 +2wks and am slowly going crazy. Every pain, no pain, syptom, loss of syptoms convinces me i've lost our boo. Then i start to think positive for a few minutes when i see my clothes are too tight and a feel a little bit sick. It's got to the stage where i worry about going to the toilet. I tell my OH it's died! ( how crazy is that). I would love nothing better than to enjoy this pg, share the wonderful news with my family and friends but i'm just too scared.
Our scan is tomorrow and i'm convincing myself that it will be bad news, i feel horrible for thinking this but then i think prepare for the worse and hope for the best. Thank you for sharing your worries, it makes me feel like i'm not on my own. xxx

 

[Mrs Doddy]

I hope your scan goes well I cannot imagine how you are feeling xxx

 

[loobi]

philly.... you sound exactly the same as me..... i went for routine appointment to find our baby had died... and i too have a scan tomorrow, and am sooo frightened....

fingers crossed we will both be Ok... i will be thinking of you
xxxxxx