Those with step children...

[MummytoOscar]

I was wondering how you deal with situations like parents evenings?

Basically my OH's ex phoned to say that their son who is 3 1/2 has a parents evening this Thurs at nursery. OH said that he would call her on Weds (tomo) to let her know if he could make it, which she said was fine.

OH is a HGV driver and does several nights out a week, the nature of his job is that he does not know where he will be delivering until the day before he travels, which is the reason why he said he would call tomo with a definite answer.

Well the ex called tonight and ranted that OH makes no time for his son, because she wanted an answer tonight and wouldn't wait til tomo. OH has arranged that if he is stuck out then his mother would go in his place as he wanted someone from his side of the family there. But there is no certainty until tomo. She then went into one that Oscar (our son) gets everything etc! I know that OH lives with me and Oscar etc but that does not mean that their son is treated any different while he stays with us every weekend. (I am fed up of the ex bringing our baby and me into all of this too).

It got me thinking...

What do others do when it comes to parents evenings etc? Would it be 'normal' for separated parents to go together etc?

Any suggestions how we can avoid this in future?

 

[Stef]

I'd expect my Oh to go really...

Infact I'd think that his ex was being spiteful if she didnt inform him... Which really to be honest I can see happening,

OH ex's eh, dont they just get right on your wits end. I know exactly how you feel in respect that she brings you and your LO into it all

x

 

[sonny]

Phone straight through to the nursery and make your own plans to go to the parents evening,they can do appointments whenever it suits your OH too and you dont even have to tell the ex either
xxx

 

[MummytoOscar]

Really? That would be so much better! Will tell OH.

It's not that he doesn't want to go or that he's trying to cause trouble it's just that he drives for a living, he can only legally drive for a certain amount of hours in the day and if he gets stuck in traffic due to an accident etc then he has to stop, this makes his job unpredictable and causes problems with appointments.

 

[sonny]

Really? That would be so much better! Will tell OH.

It's not that he doesn't want to go or that he's trying to cause trouble it's just that he drives for a living, he can only legally drive for a certain amount of hours in the day and if he gets stuck in traffic due to an accident etc then he has to stop, this makes his job unpredictable and causes problems with appointments.

Yeah we do this....we have custody of the boys but the ex can make her own appointments whenever....although seldom does. I as "step mum" also attend on my own sometimes too
xxx
Give em a ring and see what they can do, your OH is legally entitled to be a part of his sons education if he so wishes as he has PR
xxx

 

[Naimi]

A couple of years ago my ex and I went to our daughters parents evening together, but to be honest it felt quite awkward. Although he didn't tell me at the time, my hubby also felt quite left out and then later found out my ex's new wife did too. So now when parents evening comes around we make two appointments, one for us and one for them.

I hope she doesn't give you anymore cr*p

 

[Flower]

My OH and his ex go together - its never bothered me at all - just glad that they get on (when it comes to the subject of their kids education - at least!) for the sake of the kids.

His job is unpredictable so defo make a separate appointment.

As for dragging you and Oscar into arguments - just ignore her comments etc.

Over the years I've learnt not to let that kinda thing bother me - just let OH ex get on with it - if she wants to get upset about silly things than thats her problem - not yours!

 

[MummytoOscar]

Thanks for your help!

OH is going to call the nursery tomo and see what can be arranged.

Thanks again!