Thrown into a tailspin again

[dizz]

I'm not getting over things really - I can bluster and bullshit all I like but the nightmares are still there (combination of the preemie stuff, the behaviour of some of the NICU staff, the horrifically bad transitional care we received and birth trauma that would have rattled anyone without the rest thrown in there)... and I'll have to start reducing my anxiety medication soon so I'm off it by the time this one is born (I've requested they do the timescale for that based on 33 weeks and not 40 for obvious reasons).

My cousin, who loves to run her mouth off and belittle anyone else's parenting anyway - who breezed through her last birth went to term again last night, with yet another easy birth and out in 6 hours... she's always around ours at Christmas - last year I had hours of her nitpicking my pregnancy - this year she was already going to have a field day at the fact we're hitting milestones on adjusted age (therefore in the eyes of an obnoxious competitive mother "delayed") and be pick pick picking away for birth details I really don't want to share (even my mother only knows half of it - doesn't know the shredded bits of placenta being manually pulled out, the reaction to the anasthetic, the lying spinally blocked in a ward with newborns and their mums looking at me like I must be some kind of deranged bereaved mother who would want to steal their babies)... and now of course my daughter's first Christmas is going to be utterly overshadowed by the blessed earth mother (sounds nasty but her behaviour last year was disgraceful) revelling in her new baby and amazing birth experience again and again and again.

I'll add she limpet mines onto our family as she behaved soooo appallingly when younger that her own cut all ties with her (we're talking theft, we're talking rape allegations, we're talking 10 suicide "attempts" - never very serious but much more attention seeking - in the space of a week... she managed to overshadow my entire teenage years putting the entire family through this)... and she's a really nasty piece of work - last year I just got endless grief off her and I was already dreading the milestone nitpicking this year - but now I'm going to get this, and inevitably judgements about WHY I delivered prematurely (from the woman who smoked, drank and ate utter crap all the way through her pregnancy) and I just want to curl up under a rock and hide - family don't care how it makes me feel, about how I feel shoved out of my own family (they'll even do stuff on occasion like invite her to family events but not invite me - and not tell everyone else I wasn't invited so I look like the bad daughter), how it hurts me constantly that there are HUUUGE photos of her first child up all over my parents' house - but none of me, and only tiny photos of my daughter... we have to go to them for Christmas for various reasons - and now it's going to be an utter nightmare (moreso than even the year when my mother decided to regale us all with stories about the pair of 'em shagging in a field in the Lake District over the turkey).

It's raked everything up again basically - and now I know the entire time my beautiful, bright, bubbly little daughter's going to be picked at as defective and some kind of a failure - as am I (but I'm used to being viewed as a failure in our family - didn't want her to inherit that same emotional baggage).

 

[meant2bamummy]

Sorry you are going through all of this. I do know what it is like to have what I have termed a "freak of nature" birth experience. I had my twins at 32+6, was given almost lethal doses of magnesium sulphate (enough to cause respiratory paralysis, intubation and coma), didn't get to see my girls for a day an a half, was stuck for a week surrounded by new moms and babies. I actually shared a room with one who I overheard on the phone complaining because I had to get up and pump every 2 hrs and call the nurse to pick up my milk to take down to the NICU so my babies could eat. Luckily, I had a supportive family. My sister-in-law had her baby and aside from a c-section, had that great experience. Luckily, she didn't throw it in my face. I am still dealing with people who don't understand why my girls aren't yet crawling, pulling themselves up, etc. I want to just smack them sometimes and say "Most babies are still comfortably growing and developing inside their mommies tummies for another 2 months, at the same time mine came into the world weighing 3 lbs, being fed through a tube, with various iv's, monitors and an isolette to allow them to continue to grow." Maybe take her aside, one on one, and really explain this to her. I don't think many people get it, at all. I had people thinking they could just go and look at my babies through a window, or go and hold them after they were born. I couldn't even hold them when I wanted to. And there was no window to look through. There was a big door you needed a swipe card to get through.

I'll be thinking about you. And every time she says something stupid, just look at your baby and remember how far she has come and continues to thrive!!

 

[dizz]

Oh I'm waiting for the demands to change our dog's name. She (and she's been advised of this in advance) has breezed in and used it - and she's the sort who'll be mightily offended at the idea of her baby sharing a name with the dog (who's had the name 8 years) - and the family will start "suggesting" I change the name to keep her face straight.

Need to keep my parents on the right side though or I'll have no one to watch my girl when I go into hospital with this one - otherwise I'd let rip.

 

[rory83coyotes]

Well since you tell them to take a hike I would be tempted to come down with a mysterious stomach bug and you didn't want them to all get sick so you stayed home. So sorry. and stay home to enjoy your christmas.

 

[emaritska]

Oh Hun, sounds like a horrid set of circumstances . Could you try being overly sarcastic to her lol, that's what I do now when someone mentions Ethan's "delayed" development..... " may I just remind you he was 6weeks early and so like every other baby will do things when he is ready not you.....anyway Mensa called and want him already but feel its too much what with the thesis he is completing...."

Some people have no idea, and never ceases to amaze me it's usually other mothers!!! X huge hugs to you, your oh and little madam over Xmas, if you close to surrey ill come and give her what for!

 

[vixxen]

 

[socitycourty]

aww you don't deserve that crap. take an xmas vacation

 

[CandyDay]

I would stay home for Christmas. If you don't feel that you want to be entirely truthful about why you want to stay home (you don't want to tell them how their behaviour makes you feel, which you should probably tell them and say unless you shape up we won't be visiting you anymore) then just tell them you aren't feeling well and all of you stay home and have your own family Christmas. Make your own traditions up with your children and have a ton of fun doing that and to hell with the rest of them.