Tina's journal

[JASMAK]

Well, I kind of like the idea of writing things down. I am one to vent and I talk non-stop really, so this is my thing.

Let's see...today is May 29th, 2008. I have been TTC since Dec. 2006. I lost baby 1 on Aug. 16, 2007 and baby 2 on Dec. 7, 2007. It just completed my horrible year where Makena was diagnosed with PDD on Oct. 29. I just wanted the year to be over....and to start fresh and new this year!

So, here we are. 2008. Makena is doing great. She is getting the help she needs, and is improving. We have all her funding sorted out. Jasper is getting ready for kindergarten in the fall. And...mommy is trying to have a baby.

This year, I saw an OB. He took my history, looked at blood results, and told me that I have recurrent m/c. Next time I get PG, I have a 40% chance of m/cing again. Great. So, an HSG was ordered...um, OUCH, and thankfully, it was clear. And I have a bottle of Prometrium in case I do become PG again. It is supposed to maintain a pregnancy. I was supposed to get an edometrial biopsy done in April, but I chickened out...rescheduled...until August. Surely I will be PG before then...won't I?

Oh dear...I feel like it is all a mess. I am a mess. What is wrong with me? Why can't I just do it? I did it twice before...why can't I now? It is frustrating, sad, and maddening. And, even tho I try to hide it from everyone...I miss the other 2...I really do.

 

[genkigemini]

I am so sorry to hear about your losses, dear but GOOD LUCK TTC a sticky bean!

Welcome to the journals! It is a good way to get out your feelings and make friends!

 

[jolyn]

Hey hun, welcome to BnB - it's a great place to vent all ur feelings and everyone on here is so great.

Sounds like u've had a very tough time, sorry to hear about ur losses

 

[JASMAK]

Ugh...I hate when AF does this. She is basically gone (CD4). But, no, she will be back...dragging it out until CD 10...the day before "O". Perhaps that is why I am not getting preggers very easily! Ugh!

 

[yaya]

Hi Tina!

Welcome to the journals!

Sorry to hear about yr difficult journey so far hun.

Yaya xx

 

[JASMAK]

Yup, just as predicted...AF came back today. DH and I are going to start BDing probably tomorrow. Hopefully AF will be gone...that'll be a little awkward! LOL! I was reading a fertility book from Australia, and they recommend any woman in their fertility clinic to be taking 5mg of Folic Acid daily...so...5 pills a day it is! Plus my fish oil. Blah...fishy burps! Going to the chinese herbalist on Friday!

 

[JASMAK]

Well, DH and I are going to be doing the BD tonight. So far, no spotting today. I feel some cramping from both ovaries (normal for me). I am bitchy tho...and I am glad to have a day off today.

 

[magicvw]

hi Jasmak! So glad to see you are keeping a TTC journal. it really is useful to look back on how things were and how you were feeling about stuff- almost from another perspective,if u get my drift!

I know how you feel - that since you've already produced kids it's kinda unfair that they don't just come along again quite so easy as before. I'm now starting my 14th month of TTC no2 - much harder than no1! But then, we are not getting any younger!

Anyway, enough of such depressing things! Looking forward to following your journal and sharing your journey towards that my luv!!

 

[JASMAK]

Well, accoding to a computer program, I am supposed to ovulate on Saturday. But, I am feeling like it will be happening sooner. DH is out with my BIL (Indiana Jones), so he is going to get jumped as soon as he gets in that door! LOL! Most of the time, my cycle is 25 days...but, once in a while, it is 23 days. I am wondering if this is one of those times. I am not going to take any chances of missing that egg!

 

[JASMAK]

Last night's BD session went well. But, today I am spotting, with egg whites. What in the world? I am on CD8 today, I think. We BD again tomorrow.

 

[magicvw]

Spotting with egg whites? what is that?! So you have ewcm but spotting in it?

 

[JASMAK]

Yes...is that weird? It must be. I spot for a long time, espesially if you consider the fact that I only have a 25 day cycle...and I can spot for about CD10-12. Right smack in the middle of O. Sucks.

 

[JASMAK]

Well, *may* have a line this morning. *may*...I have no idea. Probably not, but, I really really hope that this is it. I really do.

 

[magicvw]

hey Jasmak! What cd are you on hun? Are you on about an OPK line or a !!!

Funny - after I wrote that last comment i've heard in about 3 different places that spotting when you ov is considered an excellent sign of fertility! Lucky you hun!

 

[JASMAK]

Hey spotting is a good sign? Horray! That sounds good. Well, the so-called line that I *thought* I saw MUST be evap because it is not getting any darker. I am 4days before AF is due....and I am a cranky crampy b*tch. NOT a good sign.

 

[magicvw]

It's still early hun! Are you testing with the same brand as the pos one?

 

[JASMAK]

Yes...all the same.

Today I am sick..not pukey either. Not the kind of sick you want to be when TTC. Nope, I have a sore throat, and achey all over kind of sick. Worse, I can't take anything...because what "if" I am pregnant, and I just don't know it. Ran out of PT's. Can you belive I peed on 15 tests!!!! I am horribly obsessed. I WILL NOT buy that many again,

 

[magicvw]

Sorry to hear you're sick hun

You could take a baby aspirin - that won't hurt and it might ease the aches a bit!

 

[JASMAK]

*sigh* not having any more PT's is literally killing me! I really hate this waiting game. I know that I am probably NOT pregnant. But, I so desperatly want to be now that I have drugs to so-called help "keep" the baby. I am on stress leave at work right now tho...so needless to say, I am stressed. That probably doesn't help things.

 

[JASMAK]

AF, just come on time...I am in no mood for messing around with you, trying to play tricks on me. If you are coming, then just come! But, this is the LAST TIME that I want to see you!