Tiny Rant: People are obsessed!

[Lucy Lu]

I would respond with, "Oh sometime before he gets married expect...." and then change the subject.

I have been brave enough to make a couple of jokes when people have questioned me about the co-sleeping (you know "aren't you worried he'll be in your bed forever?"..."umm no...i'm pretty sure he'll leave home at some point so that should put an end to it!" ) Not managed any witty comebacks re: the breastfeeding yet though.

I guess i expected to have to 'defend' our decision to co-sleep as it's still quite unheard of (or at least no one admits to it ) in our society, but when it comes to breastfeeding which is widely accepted to be the "best choice" in nearly all circumstances... i wasn't expecting to have to defend my decision to do it for as long as possible

God whose bloody business is it where your baby sleeps?! Makes me so mad. Your posts sound like you are writing about my OH's family. FIL has already asked twice when I am planning to stop breastfeeding. Find it really inappropriate that a middle aged man is asking me about how long I'm going to feed MY baby with my boobs . MIL helpfully informs me that I will HAVE TO stop before LO has teeth, like this is totally unheard of to feed a baby past 6 months....And oh my god, don't get me started on baby rice . I am so bl**dy sick of those 2 words, I wonder if I will ever be able to convince myself to feed it to our LO, even when he is old enough

Feels like you are damned if you do and damned if you don't being a mother. There's all this judgement at the beginning if you don't breastfeed, but then bam - 2 months down the line and people start asking when you are going to give it up - it's like they are convinced it cannot be enough for the baby. Babies have been breastfed since the cave men and if it wasn't done going back through time, the human race sure as hell wouldn't have survived all the way to the current age!

Right sorry, rant over! Happy breastfeeding ladies!

 

[Seraphim]

"ninny" I love it!!
I'm gonna start asking H if she wants ninny

 

[Lucy Lu]

i get this all the time, im sure its because it annoys them that they cannot have him while i bf him, they always look really suprised when they ask if im still feeding him and i say yes

I think you have hit the nail on the head with that. Family are saying that because I want to carry on breastfeeding for a bit after 6 months, I am possessive and over-protective - in reality I think this is them being worried about getting a 'look in' so they lash out with rude comments like this.

 

[FemmeEnceinte]

Had to laugh at ninny too...

This thread makes me feel better. I don't understand the question at all, why are people so concerned with how my child is being fed? I'm not interested in what they eat day in, day out. I also get "the face" when people realise we co-sleep.

And if I hear "Is she sleeping through yet?" one more time... No, she's not even 10 weeks old and she's breast fed. It is not something to brag about that your baby sleeps well. I actually think it's really arrogant to brag about it like it's a badge of good parenting... Molly sleeps well some nights, more often than not she's quite difficult to settle. It's nice to get a good night's sleep but having her here, happy and healthy is better still.

Also... and I don't want this to kick anything off for FFers reading as this is for BF support... but does anyone else see a thread like "he's sleeping through!" or "he's so settled... always happy and content, never cries" and think "FF then?!" I don't know, it would be so easy to get her to sleep through and have her be more contented if we went down that route but I do this for a reason and I sacrifice a lot to make it happen and people gloating about how easy they have it when they HAVEN'T been putting the same time and effort in really gets my goat. NB... this isn't to say FF mum's have it easy etc.

And, breathe

 

[Lucy Lu]

I'm with you girls, it totally wrecks my head.

Baby rice and formula are apparently the miracle solutions to any parenting problem you can think of.

Baby still waking at night - give him a formula bottle before bed.
Still feeding every two and a half hours - clearly needs baby rice.
And then they tell me that their babies loved baby rice when they started them on it at three months, as though I'm actually being cruel by withholding this delicious substance.

I'm with you Seraphim - for me the opinion of the WHO which is backed up by numerous large-scale research studies carries just a little bit more weight than whether somebody else's baby apparently loved baby rice at three months!

Even if baby rice/formula would make Thomas sleep better (which I think is questionable anyway), personally I will happily put up with the inconvenience of feeding him a couple of times a night in order to receive the well-documented health benefits for my baby.

Rant over!!

I HATE this idea of baby rice in a bottle before bed. If we as adults were struggling to settle to sleep or kept waking up in the night, we wouldn't go and eat solids immediately before sleeping, so why would you do that to a baby? You feel awful if you lay down to sleep after eating. Just the thought of having LO's belly full up with food in the middle of the night sounds awful, esp. when he's not used to the sensation. When he first tastes baby rice, he's having it during a meal time and not shoved in his bottle in a desperate attempt to quiet him down at night!

I also read recently that there is very little connection between adding baby rice before bed and how long they sleep. It is more driven by the baby's central nervous system developing to the point where they will happily sleep such a block, rather than just adding solids to their diet.

 

[Seraphim]

Yesterday... I was told by my bestfriends sister that hers was 'such a hungry baby' she 'didnt have enough milk' and her baby 'never got to going 4 or 6 hours between feeds or took a dummy like everybody elses' and she needed to 'get on with things and get out'

Truth is she gave 10 good weeks and had enough, and thats cool. My only real thought was I wish that she'd had BnB too - then she wouldnt have been talking to me like I'm a sucker for hoping to carry on myself.

 

[anothersquish]

Haha Femme, I feel bad enough when people ask me how Theo sleeps and I have to admit he sleeps 4 solid hours through the night...I mean its nothing I have "done" to make him like that...its just how he is! Of course he can make up for it in the day and feed constantly but I dont think about it because, to me, its all a part of having a baby. I dont expect him to ALWAYS go 3 or 4 hours between feeds because it would be silly and unrealistic but when I sit here (like yesterday) feeding him on and off for about six hours I get the "Oh well why dont you give him a bottle of formula, that will make him settle" Um...why? firstly...no it wont and secondly Im quite happy to sit here all day every day and feed him as much and as often as he wants if thats what he NEEDS.
There seems to be a lot of pressure about 'making' babies sleep through, ways to make them go longer between feeds, ways to stop them 'comfort' sucking (sorry, hate that phrase) etc and I dont get it. They sleep as long as they are capable of sleeping before being hungry, at which point they wake up and ask for food....they will only 'sleep through' when they are ready for it and not beforehand so whats the deal with trying to "force" it with the millions of methods that are out there (and the feeding babies before bed/adding rice/rusks etc to bottles REALLY peeves me) Simply some babies sleep better, others dont. Im grateful that I have a good sleeper but I will freely admit it makes my life easier than a mother of a baby who wakes every 2 hours through the night, greatest respect to those who do, my last one was up every hour to two hours for the first5 weeks and then suddenly started sleeping 7/8 hours straight...without the need for any 'magic cure' people advise others to try.
Funny actually thinking about it most people ask me "Is he a good baby" and I say "yes hes great" and it always seems to revolve around the fact that he sleeps well at night....only just realised that...hope that doesnt mean people think it makes them "bad" babies if they wake up every hour or two....I mean, its normal!

 

[FemmeEnceinte]

I'm not really talking about 4 hours. That's normal, good and Molly most nights, it's the my baby sleeps from 8-8 and always has crew... it can't be healthy, surely?

 

[madasa]

I hate "sleeping through the night" questions. TECHNICALLY, sttn means a 5 hour stretch. Technically, ADULTS don't even sleep right thru, from 7 till 7 or whatever. And the way a lot of people ask, as if you are some kind of failure if your kid DOESN'T conform to their idea of a "good baby". Grr!

I wish sttn would just VANISH from all parenting literature and conversations. It's the most irritating phrase EVER, after "are you STILL bfdg? when are you going to get that kid on a bottle?"

ARGH.

 

[Seraphim]

hope that doesnt mean people think it makes them "bad" babies if they wake up every hour or two....I mean, its normal!

I've been thinking about this.
Negative re-enforcement isn't it.

 

[anothersquish]

I hate "sleeping through the night" questions. TECHNICALLY, sttn means a 5 hour stretch. Technically, ADULTS don't even sleep right thru, from 7 till 7 or whatever. And the way a lot of people ask, as if you are some kind of failure if your kid DOESN'T conform to their idea of a "good baby". Grr!

I wish sttn would just VANISH from all parenting literature and conversations. It's the most irritating phrase EVER, after "are you STILL bfdg? when are you going to get that kid on a bottle?"

ARGH.

Soooooo with that. Hell I have never "slept through" the night either

 

[FemmeEnceinte]

Pfft, I've slept through the week Student living... bliss. Ahaha.

 

[bonbon]

Lol I love thus thread! I am always being bombarded with 'miracle cures' to help my lo! He is a lovely chunky baby who feeds regularly & for long periods and yes I do get exhausted at night and wish he would sleep longer but I know it's what he needs so I will do it! I am always being told that he needs baby rice or ff as he is obviously a 'hungry baby, look @ the size of him!' ...... But the truth is he is a healthy happy chubby baby as a result if my wonderful boobie milk and I feel so proud when people say he is such a contented baby. And when I take him to b weighed I get such a sense of achievement to think that I have provided for him and he has grown!
I have a bedside cot and I am fed up of being asked if he is still in our room.... 'yes he is still in my room because I am following the guidelines to prevent cot death!' and sometimes he EVEN sleeps in with me... Shock horror!!! Lol

I do agree that whatever u do u will have people saying u should do the opposite, but all I think is that they r well meaning and only trying to help!

 

[mrs mcgrath]

just stumbled across this post... I thought it was just me who got asked this question...

I decided to breastfeed my baby after going to antenatal classes with my hubby. He was the one who actually said to me 'I'd like you to give it a try for all the benefits but its entirely up to you if you want to or not, I'll support you with whatever you decide to do'....

The first few days were awful in hospital, my baby wouldn't latch on & I had a very forceful midwife who kept trying to push him onto me... I wasn't sleeping very well as all the other babies were very noisy but my little man slept most of the time and even when he was awake he didn't cry... I was a little concerned lol

While in hospital one of the nice midwives took my son & gave him a bottle of SMA to top him up as he was only taking a little of me when he did take of me.

So when I got home from the hospital I decided to give it another go.... and wala... he took to it straight away & fed for an hour! I think it was just because I was more relaxed in my own home and I had got a bit of sleep.

So anyway... getting to the point lol... We were at my hubbys parents house for dinner and his mum asked how long I intended on breastfeeding... I told her I didn't know as it wasn't something I had throught about... originally when I was pregnant (before attending antenatal classes) I was going to bottle feed so hadn't given it too much though, I just told her I'd see how it went.

A couple of weeks later my FIL said to my hubby 'Who do you trust more, your mum or a midwife?' to which my hubby replied... 'mum of course'.... his father then said 'well get him on bottles... you don't know how much he is getting when he's breastfeed'... When my hubby told me this I was raging! so was he, he had to walk out of the house before he said something he would regret...

Then there was my mother... who I love dearly and would never say a bad word against her... but she kept saying to my baby.... 'oh if your mummy would just give you a bottle I could feed you'.... thanks for the support mum!!

Even one of my good friends said to me when he was about 5 weeks old 'oh you've given him a good start, you should just get him onto bottles now'...

Oh and everyone kept saying everytime he cried 'oh that baby is hungry'... it wouldn't be that he would mabye have wind, a dirty nappy or just wanted a cuddle??

F right off!!!

I'm currently combine feeding, I breastfeed first thing in the morning and last thing at night... then I give him bottles of formula during the day as advised by my health visitor to give me a break and slowing wean him of the breast... he has no problems with either a bottle or the breast, he always knows what is what lol

I love being able to lift him out of his moses basket in the morning, change him then just feed him straight away without having to get a bottle ready... then usually he goes back to sleep and it gives me a chance to get his bottle ready for his lunch feed.

Thats my rant over lol

 

[tiggercats]

Brilliant thread and some great comebacks I can use if I get confronted with the same question in later months. I'm thinking of baby lead weaning, so imagine the horrified comments when I say my LO wont get baby rice at all

 

[madasa]

I am always being told that he needs baby rice or ff as he is obviously a 'hungry baby, look @ the size of him!' ......

Umm, yeah, when his size is actually an indicator that he is doing VERY WELL on your milk, and why fix something that ain't broke?!

 

[madasa]

Then there was my mother... who I love dearly and would never say a bad word against her... but she kept saying to my baby.... 'oh if your mummy would just give you a bottle I could feed you'.... thanks for the support mum!!

You could offer to lend her your breast pump to get her own milk flowing, if she is that keen. ROFL!

I will not even comment on your FIL

 

[celine]

I know what you mean, I so wanted to bf and had a 2 week struggle before getting it right so after all that hard work why would I want to stop? Its good for baby isnt it?
I am a babyrice user though *don't hurt me* I give lo baby rice as cereal in the monring not ever in a bottle - my mil gave dh cereal in a bottle when he was 6 weeks old - she told us this over skype a few months back, i think I almsost died of shock but just calmly spoke and said we will not be doing that thank you.

 

[celine]

I know what you mean, I so wanted to bf and had a 2 week struggle before getting it right so after all that hard work why would I want to stop? Its good for baby isnt it?
I am a babyrice user though *don't hurt me* I give lo baby rice as cereal in the monring not ever in a bottle - my mil gave dh cereal in a bottle when he was 6 weeks old - she told us this over skype a few months back, i think I almsost died of shock but just calmly spoke and said we will not be doing that thank you.

 

[mrs mcgrath]

Then there was my mother... who I love dearly and would never say a bad word against her... but she kept saying to my baby.... 'oh if your mummy would just give you a bottle I could feed you'.... thanks for the support mum!!

You could offer to lend her your breast pump to get her own milk flowing, if she is that keen. ROFL!

I will not even comment on your FIL

The best thing about it was that I did express & give my mum a bottle so she could feed my son, she still wasn't happy!!

So anyway, my son has just turned 3 months and is still enjoying the boob lol