tired, angry, depressed..RANT!

[bubblebelly]

AF has arrived 3 days late...
what a way to get my hopes up too!!

had a sense of hope that maybe this was THE month..
took a more laid back approach this month and ditched the OPKs.
never am late with my cycles..

and only to start cramping and spotting now...

feel like throwing in the towel..
too many girlfriends are pregnant around me and it's making me hate myself!

I didnt think the disappointment would be this hurtful !!
but I guess as the months pass, it really feels like time is just flying by..
and I am getting nowhere..

one more month till my bday and really dont feel like celebrating..
told myself I'd surely have a baby by now.. and I guess that's why everyone always says never to make plans for yourself as plans change all the time!
=(
sorry girls.. just feel like im growing so tired and impatient...
doesnt feel fair...

xx

 

[miraclebaba]

bubblebelly, its ok to feel like that. don't give up yet. i was reading post about a woman that took her 10 years ttc and it finally happened. i took 5 months and on the 6th month i conceived, my friend took 7 years and she is now 3 months pregnant. i know all people tell you it will happen and all the people saying so are either pregnant or have kids. but believe me it will happen. i didnt use the opk, i have never seen one, we just changed our diet and he stopped drinking coffee, stopped bathing with hot water nd he stopped washing the balls with hot water. he ate alot of foods that increase sperm count and we had sex the first day of ovulation and the second day and the last day of ovulation nd it worked. so please dont give up yet

 

[bubblebelly]

thanks miraclebaba..
that's very kind of you to lift my spirits!

feeling really sad.. =(
its tiring to go through the whole waiting routine only to be smacked in the face with another failed attempt..

my DH has some issues with his drive for the last few years..
so BDing is hard as it is..

but even then there's been so many months that I have felt so confident
and it hasnt worked

its tough to feel motivated and continue..
x

 

[Yippie]

Hi bubblebelly, I'm in the same boat as you and had really high hopes this cycle. That makes it even more disappointing and angry and fed up. At least if there's a problem and you know it and trying is fine. But when you have everything normal and trying like mad, with whiling away time it gets insane and crazy.

Month after month disappointment is hard to take and I don't know what to do. by the way are you a Virgo too?

Just want to wish you luck with loads of

 

[bubblebelly]

hi yippie!
I'm a libran..
I'm sorry to hear you're having trouble too! sometimes I wonder how we are meant to stay motivated and feel like trying again and again.. when it years and months !!
it pisses me off immensely when there are so many women getting bfp's first try..
or when it's been accidental..
I'm not angry at them! angry that I couldn't be one of them!
I have no friend in my circle who is struggling..
they've already either had their first child already or on birth control and not wanting a child.. two of them told me within a few weeks that they've both fallen pregnant by accident, by doing it just the one time during their fertile week..

and you're so right.. everything health wise is fine..
so what is going wrong!

 

[291]

OPK's are so hit and miss, so easy to get your hopes up with them too. I had a amazingly obvious OPK on Xmas day, best present, but alas it was all hype for us.

I do not test now till after AF due, and to most peoples amazement, will wait an extra week after AF due before so much as testing. It's easy to get hyped to test, then feeling so down when only 1 line shows. To remedy this I only by the digital and first response test, then they cost so much that I only want to use them when I need them haha. The last lot of tests I had expired before I got to use them. This lot probably will as well :\

 

[redlemonade]

Hi bubblebelly, I'm sorry you're feeling so low. It's ok to feel this way but when you've let your feelings out, try to let them go. Holding on to negative feelings will just make this harder. I totally understand how you're feeling and I'm not trying to minimise. I just truly believe that, unless there's a particular medical problem, opks and charting and everything else won't work unless you're being positive.

Be pro-active and take up a new hobby. I think we need to keep ourselves busy and not focus so much on babies!

That's what I'm trying to do, it works most days
As I said, it's ok to feel down - just don't let yourself stay there. This month is a new opportunity - good luck!

 

[bubblebelly]

OPK's are so hit and miss, so easy to get your hopes up with them too. I had a amazingly obvious OPK on Xmas day, best present, but alas it was all hype for us.

I do not test now till after AF due, and to most peoples amazement, will wait an extra week after AF due before so much as testing. It's easy to get hyped to test, then feeling so down when only 1 line shows. To remedy this I only by the digital and first response test, then they cost so much that I only want to use them when I need them haha. The last lot of tests I had expired before I got to use them. This lot probably will as well :\

thanks for understanding 291.. I used OPK's for a few months..
but started freaking out when I still couldnt pinpoint exactly when ovulation was occuring as I'd get positives throughout the days leading to O and then i'd keep taking tests on and off to see if I had missed my surge or not.. and I'd take them in the mornings and get blaring positives again and it just confused the HECK out of me... so last month I just BD'd once around my fertile window and wished for the best...
last month we BD'd once before Ovulation and once after Ovulation and still no luck..
I have heaps of cheapie HPTs.. so I start testing around 10 dpo.. but I think I'll try and start holding it off for longer...
the BFNs are heartwrenching =(

Hi bubblebelly, I'm sorry you're feeling so low. It's ok to feel this way but when you've let your feelings out, try to let them go. Holding on to negative feelings will just make this harder. I totally understand how you're feeling and I'm not trying to minimise. I just truly believe that, unless there's a particular medical problem, opks and charting and everything else won't work unless you're being positive.

Be pro-active and take up a new hobby. I think we need to keep ourselves busy and not focus so much on babies!

That's what I'm trying to do, it works most days
As I said, it's ok to feel down - just don't let yourself stay there. This month is a new opportunity - good luck!

thanks redlemonade!
I know that positivity plays a big part in this.. and I guess my positive spirit has sort of dwindled down alot now... I feel as though the desperation of wanting a baby is taking over my thoughts completely now..
I am at a point in my life where I am tired of fulltime work.. and want to focus on raising a family.. i dont think I've ever felt more in touch with what I want than with wanting a child..
It's been tough since the whole duration of my marriage we have not used protection.. and Im dealing with my DH's low drive..
so it gets pretty disappointing for me as each month passes because we have rare chances for TTC... and when its not successful its like a huge kick in the gut!!
I feel sad that it hasnt happened for us yet... and hopefully I can get out of this emotional downturn!.. thanks for the support xoxo

 

[LittleLala]

Hi bubblebelly. I'm sorry you a feeling so low.
I know about disappointment- I just had a chemical, had 3 BFPs yesterday, but started spotting, got a "not pregnant" on a digi this morning and the frer I did today had a lighter line than yesterday's. AF has full-blown arrived, and I have been laying pathetically in bed all day.

So I know how horribly crushing this process is. And being surrounded by friends who have babies and are pregnant makes it so much more difficult.
I'm sorry that your partners drive isn't 100%.

.... Chocolate and tea helps.

I hope that you find a way to keep your mind busy. All we can do is hold out hope.

I hope that you don't let this stop you from living your life right now, rather than just focusing on the future that you want.
Hugs. X

 

[bubblebelly]

Hi bubblebelly. I'm sorry you a feeling so low.
I know about disappointment- I just had a chemical, had 3 BFPs yesterday, but started spotting, got a "not pregnant" on a digi this morning and the frer I did today had a lighter line than yesterday's. AF has full-blown arrived, and I have been laying pathetically in bed all day.

So I know how horribly crushing this process is. And being surrounded by friends who have babies and are pregnant makes it so much more difficult.
I'm sorry that your partners drive isn't 100%.

.... Chocolate and tea helps.

I hope that you find a way to keep your mind busy. All we can do is hold out hope.

I hope that you don't let this stop you from living your life right now, rather than just focusing on the future that you want.
Hugs. X

awww thanks for the support lala !!
I've had 2 chemical pregnancies - one of them 2 years ago.. and another one in March.. its such a horrible let down isnt it..
with the chemicals I can sort of understand that perhaps our bodies reject the pregnancy because it wouldnt be healthy for us for the unborn babies..
but what I cannot seem to get my head around, is the fact that we are told to abstain from sex so we dont have "accidents" when we are too young..
and now that we try so hard TTC its near impossible!!!

im sorry you've lost your BFP... it doesnt make it any easier how early or late the pregnancy is... it still feels as though the witch came and took your baby away from you..

I have been eating chocolate all day yesterday and had a slice of chocolate mousse cake this morning at work ! lol..
a bit overboard.. but the sugar hit is good..

im swamped with AF cramps and bleeding like a biatch right now... cant wait till its over with so I can feel a little better ..

best wishes for you and hope you can get your BFP again soon!.. make sure you try straight away - Ive heard of alot of women on BnB who have conceived right after a chemical miscarriage..
xx

 

[redlemonade]

Hey bubblebelly and LittleLala, so sorry to hear about your chemicals.

I understand how hard this is, to remain positive. Especially if your DH has a low sex drive (ps I hear maca is really good for this!). I hope you can find something to take your mind off conceiving and can get back to being more positive. Hang in there!

 

[bubblebelly]

hey girls..!!
I wanted to come back to this thread to say a personal thank you to all of you
for being supportive!

with your kind words and encouragement I got my BFP a week ago!!

xx

 

[chimmi]

Congratulations! I love reading old posts where ladies are giving up and moaning but if you Scroll to the most recent posts they are announcing BFPs.. gives me hope.

 

[redlemonade]

Congrats!

 

[Yippie]

Congratulations, enjoy every moment of it

 

[Coco Tutu]

CONGRATS!!!!! I read your thread from the start and I was thinking for something encouraging to write and then I reach page two and -BAM!!_ big fat positive H&h 9 months!

 

[lm3898]

Yay congrats to you bubble!!!

 

[bubblebelly]

awww girls! I seriously wish I could hug each and every one of you...
I would have gone mental without everyone's support on here!!

CONGRATS!!!!! I read your thread from the start and I was thinking for something encouraging to write and then I reach page two and -BAM!!_ big fat positive H&h 9 months!

coco tutu - thank you so much! I guess sometimes you need to reach rock bottom emotion to really appreciate things when you finally get them! I seriously was losing so much hope..!!

Yay congrats to you bubble!!!

hehe thanks hun!!

keep me in your prayers as its still early days.. and good luck ladies!
hope you all get your BFPs very soon

xx

 

[Coco Tutu]

We sure will keep you in our prayers! It's going to be a sticky bean!

 

[Abby21]

Ah big congrats to you!! I only started reading this and lovely that you got BFP finally!

Did you do anything different this month to help the process along?
xx