sambucababy
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- Apr 30, 2011
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Hi ladies I hope you dont mind me posting here but I thought it might help to just put my story down in writing, even if noone replies just for me to "tell it" will probably be of help to me.
I ve set up a new account on here as my family know of my other user ID.
Im 33 and have been with my partner for 17 years !! A long time I know !!.
About 10 years ago I became ill and couldnt spend asmuch time with him as I had previously done. I gained a little weight and let myself go a bit. One night I walked in on my partner with another girl, he was shocked and admitted it was purely for the sex and said he was sorry. Although very upset I did manage to put this behind me and move on. About 3 years after he moved in with me and I thought we were happy.
My health got worse { I have ME} and I was diagnosed with PCOS, I wanted a baby but my partner said he wanted to wait a few years so I agreed. We had a good life together but the sex stopped, I had a gut feeling he was cheating but had no proof but I just knew in my heart something wasnt right. He insisted I was wrong and that he loved me so I just carried on.
Just over 2 years ago just before xmas my phone was playing up so he offered me his, I decided to check his messages, he had clearly been having an affair, with a girl 9 yrs younger than me, After reading more messages I established they had a child together I was devasted, he had photos of her on his phone etc. I confronted him and he admitted he had been seeing this girl on and off for years. However the child had been born stillborn well over 12 months before. I was stunned how could I have not known.
I asked him what had happened and he said he started seeing the girl and she became pregnant, he told her about me and that he did not want to leave me or be a father to the child so they seperated. When the baby died he went to see the baby & things resumed between them again. The girl wanted to try again for a baby but my partner again told her he wouldnt leave me so she ended it with him and found another partner.
I asked him what he wanted to do and he said he wanted to stay with me, I couldnt think straight it was days before xmas and I thought I would wait until the new year to decide what to do. I discovered I was pregnant, he seemed relieved / happy even so that threw a spanner in the works.
I contacted the girl {nicely} and she confirmed she was in a relationship with someone else I still loved my partner so thought maybe with a baby on the way things may change. Sadly I misscarried early on.
I was still having huge problems accepting what he had done and we sat down and talked things through, he said he would do anything I asked to get back on track and rebuild the trust. He made an effort and I fell pregnant again, he didnt seem as thrilled this time as we had planned to move house and then start a family but due to my pcos had agreed not to NOT try and had just assumed it wouldnt happen so quick. However he told his family straight away and I went ahead with the pregnancy.
I then found out this girl had given birth to a boy just 4 months earlier, turned out it was his. Im devastated, he said he thought she was on pill but maintains it was him who rekindled things. He said he didnt love her or want to be with her or know the child and that once she had told him he had ended it again with her. I know he wasnt there at the childs birth as we were away at the time but my life has been a total nightmare since.
I now have a 1 year old daughter, this girl and his son live not far away, he tells me he doesnt see them I have no idea if he does. His close friends and family know, mine dont I am too ashamed to tell anyone. I feel such a fool.
We argue constantly and he is verbally abusive to me, he critises me infront of his friends stays out late and when I get upset or cry he ridicules me or critices me. He wont leave and I feel so trapped. When we dont argue he says he loves me and our daughter and wants things to work. He cannot understand why I cant seem to get over it and this angers him and makes the arguents worse. He was more understanding at first but says he isnt going to pay for his mistakes for the rest of his life. He sees it as all very cut and dry.
Im a stay at home mom, no brothers or sisters, my dad has serious health issues and I have no close friends to talk to. I dont get upset in front of my daughter but all this is hurting me, I have no idea how to move forward with life, I havent the strength or know how - im just stuck in house day in day out living with someone who doesnt give a toss yet Im always the one who gives in to him and smoothes things over.
Im so stressed, am on antidepressants as it is - they do help a little but its not enough. Life just seems to be getting on top of me
We have argued again yesterday and he has told me he doesnt want to be with me anymore, however he doesnt wish to move out and is happy living not speaking to me, Im tired and depressed and dont know how to deal with this anymore.
I ve set up a new account on here as my family know of my other user ID.
Im 33 and have been with my partner for 17 years !! A long time I know !!.
About 10 years ago I became ill and couldnt spend asmuch time with him as I had previously done. I gained a little weight and let myself go a bit. One night I walked in on my partner with another girl, he was shocked and admitted it was purely for the sex and said he was sorry. Although very upset I did manage to put this behind me and move on. About 3 years after he moved in with me and I thought we were happy.
My health got worse { I have ME} and I was diagnosed with PCOS, I wanted a baby but my partner said he wanted to wait a few years so I agreed. We had a good life together but the sex stopped, I had a gut feeling he was cheating but had no proof but I just knew in my heart something wasnt right. He insisted I was wrong and that he loved me so I just carried on.
Just over 2 years ago just before xmas my phone was playing up so he offered me his, I decided to check his messages, he had clearly been having an affair, with a girl 9 yrs younger than me, After reading more messages I established they had a child together I was devasted, he had photos of her on his phone etc. I confronted him and he admitted he had been seeing this girl on and off for years. However the child had been born stillborn well over 12 months before. I was stunned how could I have not known.
I asked him what had happened and he said he started seeing the girl and she became pregnant, he told her about me and that he did not want to leave me or be a father to the child so they seperated. When the baby died he went to see the baby & things resumed between them again. The girl wanted to try again for a baby but my partner again told her he wouldnt leave me so she ended it with him and found another partner.
I asked him what he wanted to do and he said he wanted to stay with me, I couldnt think straight it was days before xmas and I thought I would wait until the new year to decide what to do. I discovered I was pregnant, he seemed relieved / happy even so that threw a spanner in the works.
I contacted the girl {nicely} and she confirmed she was in a relationship with someone else I still loved my partner so thought maybe with a baby on the way things may change. Sadly I misscarried early on.
I was still having huge problems accepting what he had done and we sat down and talked things through, he said he would do anything I asked to get back on track and rebuild the trust. He made an effort and I fell pregnant again, he didnt seem as thrilled this time as we had planned to move house and then start a family but due to my pcos had agreed not to NOT try and had just assumed it wouldnt happen so quick. However he told his family straight away and I went ahead with the pregnancy.
I then found out this girl had given birth to a boy just 4 months earlier, turned out it was his. Im devastated, he said he thought she was on pill but maintains it was him who rekindled things. He said he didnt love her or want to be with her or know the child and that once she had told him he had ended it again with her. I know he wasnt there at the childs birth as we were away at the time but my life has been a total nightmare since.
I now have a 1 year old daughter, this girl and his son live not far away, he tells me he doesnt see them I have no idea if he does. His close friends and family know, mine dont I am too ashamed to tell anyone. I feel such a fool.
We argue constantly and he is verbally abusive to me, he critises me infront of his friends stays out late and when I get upset or cry he ridicules me or critices me. He wont leave and I feel so trapped. When we dont argue he says he loves me and our daughter and wants things to work. He cannot understand why I cant seem to get over it and this angers him and makes the arguents worse. He was more understanding at first but says he isnt going to pay for his mistakes for the rest of his life. He sees it as all very cut and dry.
Im a stay at home mom, no brothers or sisters, my dad has serious health issues and I have no close friends to talk to. I dont get upset in front of my daughter but all this is hurting me, I have no idea how to move forward with life, I havent the strength or know how - im just stuck in house day in day out living with someone who doesnt give a toss yet Im always the one who gives in to him and smoothes things over.
Im so stressed, am on antidepressants as it is - they do help a little but its not enough. Life just seems to be getting on top of me
We have argued again yesterday and he has told me he doesnt want to be with me anymore, however he doesnt wish to move out and is happy living not speaking to me, Im tired and depressed and dont know how to deal with this anymore.
