Toilet Training !

[Babybump87]

How can I get my DD turned 3 in December to poop on the toilet !

I have tried everything to no avail . She is fine with wees and asks to go etc but poop is a whole different story !

She won’t even ask to go the toilet for a poop and will happily poop in her knickers / pull up (wears for bed) and not even tell you . Doesn’t seem to bother her at all !!

I am getting so frustrated by the whole process now as there’s no progress being made . I could sit her on the toilet for half an hour and she will do nothing 2 seconds later poop in her knickers!!

Help I’ve literally tried everything !

 

[noon_child]

If you've explored pain and fear possibilities, tried rewards etc. the only thing I can think of is to ask her what she thinks would help...give her some control and responsibility for the situation. Explain that you know accidents will happen but you want to avoid them as much as possible because it could make her really sore.

My daughter soiled her pants for quite a long time. She would poo in the toilet easily but also soiled her pants fairly regularly. Part of the issue was not drinking enough fluids. It caused constipation (no symptoms, passed stools easily and had no pain) where small amounts of dry stool would stretch her bowel and softer liquid stool would leak around the sides. She wouldn't have any urge or even notice it was happening. This is quite common. Could it be this? Or does she do full on bowel movements (that she is aware of but only wants to do it in pants/pull ups)?

 

[Babybump87]

Thanks for your suggestion ! She actually had a accident in nursery today which went un noticed by the teachers wasn’t until we got home now her bum is red raw !

She never does one bowel movement and then that’s it. This has always been the case with her. Most of the time she does a few small bowel movements throughout the day. I was wondering if she just doesn’t empty her bowel fully or if there’s another issue going on. I don’t know what we can do so she just goes once a day ?!

She is fully aware of when she needs to go . She will take herself off to hide and if you see her and say toilet, take her she just holds it in until she’s back in the pull up !

 

[noon_child]

The most comfortable position to have a bowel movement is crouched (bum lower than knees), so it may be that if she can't adopt this position on the toilet she finds it hard and/or painful to go on there (or may have a memory of it being difficult in the past). Do you think it would be worth trying a potty as it allows children to adopt that crouch position while having their feet on the floor and is more comfortable for some. Then you could look in to how much liquid she is drinking and try to encourage more drinking to address any possible constipation issues. I think you are looking at aiming for around minimum 750ml -1000ml liquid from drinks per day (for a 3 to 4 year old) to avoid constipation and to ensure a strong bladder.

 

[SarahBear]

Do you make her take responsibility for pooping in her underwear? If she is not being made to take responsibility for it, and if it doesn't bother her, she has no reason to change her behavior. I would get her involved in the cleaning process. Don't just change her, clean her up, and let her go off. Have her wait while you dump the poop in the toilet and rinse off the underwear. Then have her take the underwear and put it in the laundry. When you clean her up, have her take responsibility for something... get the wipes, put the wash cloth in the laundry, et cetera. Have her get her new underwear and pants. Have her put them on to the best of her ability (help her where she needs it, not just where it's convenient). Have her help you load the washer, put in the detergent, and push the button to start the washer. Take the laundry out of the washer and put it in a basket. Have her take the basket of wet clothes, put them in the dryer, and start the dryer. Explain to her along the way that if she makes a mess, she needs to clean it up. She made a mess in her underwear, so now she is cleaning it up. Then when she poops in the toilet, reward her with something motivating.

Disclaimer: The above is based on a strictly behavioral problem that does not involved medical complications.

 

[Babybump87]

Thanks for your reply Sarah ! Helpful !

We do make her take her dirty underwear to the laundry or in a bag to the bin if they are too soiled! She then also has to go and get clean underwear .

We do explain why they are getting washed / binned! She knows and says if she poops in her knickers they will go in the bin ! But she still does it !

We are going to get her a potty this week and see if that helps , if she can just take herself off and do it without needing to tell anyone . She is soo good with wees too will tell you toilet and will just go by herself !

Nursery have been no help at all and she has come home numerous times with dirty underwear on . Their response is a lot of the children do it or hold it in !
I’m stumped by it all now.

 

[noon_child]

Nursery have been no help at all and she has come home numerous times with dirty underwear on . Their response is a lot of the children do it or hold it in !
I’m stumped by it all now.

At least you know it's really normal, and as we don't have loads of adults still doing this then it's fair to see she will grow out of it - it's just and absolute pain in the neck for us parents, constantly wondering if we are missing something, doing something wrong, not being firm enough, being too firm, wondering what other parents will think of our child and our parenting, hoping poo doesn't get spread everywhere and throwing away pants we only bought the day before!

 

[Babybump87]

Yeah exactly ! I keep questioning what I am doing wrong and why she doesn’t get it ! Maybe it’s just gonna take a bit more time to click with her! Try my best to count to ten and take a deep breath!