Too many people want to be at the hospital!

[missriddler]

I have decided on having two people in the delivery room with me, but my brother, his wife, my sister, as well as the baby's fathers sister, all want to be at the hospital to see me/the baby directly after the birth. Now while it's great that they want to be supportive or whatever, but at the same time after being in labour, and pushing a human being out of my who-ha, I doubt I'm going to want a room full of visitors! I'm going to want some time to bond with my baby, and then rest. How can I politely tell them all that I will get my mother who will be at the birth, to tell them when I am happy to have visitors?

 

[ChristiansMum]

I had this with DS I just told them out right that I was having my DH and mum there and that was it and I would get DH to let them know when visiting times were x

 

[leahtaba]

This is a situation were you just have to put your foot down and tell them straight. I can think of nothing worse than a room full of visitors minutes after giving birth! My OH and his step mum were present at the birth and I told them not to even tell anyone else I was in labour haha! I allowed my dad and OH's mum (his nan turned up with his mum though!) to pop in for five minutes for a cuddle after she arrived but that was it until the next day! Surely they will all understand you want a bit of privacy.

 

[RosieRosieP]

Ooh I thought you could only have two people max at the hospital with you. Can you check the hospitals policy?

I am planning for only my hubby to be at the birth and then parents can visit first day once we are settled.

I am really keen for us to have some time together before the craziness of the visitors start x

 

[Unexpected212]

I'm surprised how pushy people can be sometimes

I gave birth at 9.30 at night so no one could visit anyway and even my husband and mum who I had with me had to go around 10.30pm

They all visited the next day in the afternoon visiting times which gave me some time to recover

I think that is more than fair, even then I felt a bit uncomfortable due to bleeding/stitches etc.

 

[MummyToAmberx]

just need to tell them no visitors till 3 day after or how ever long you want to wait

 

[Gizzyy]

I'm feeling the same way.. OH has a big family and I don't particularly like huge crowds of people around as it is let alone when I've just given birth.. I think I'll let the important people visit first then the rest will have to wait lol! Sounds mean but you're going to be tired and want to bond with baby in a nice calm environment.

 

[missriddler]

I am just feeling that everyone is putting a huge amount of pressure on me about this, I get that this is exciting, but the birth and the time directly after, should be MY time surely?! I'm just hoping that the hospital won't allow it because I'm finding it difficult to put it politely that I don't want a ton of people there!x

 

[EmzyJA]

No body's mentioned to me about coming to visit in the hospital. With my daughter we were miles away from where my family and friends were so only people at the hospital was my husband and mum. My dad came down to visit us at home in the afternoon. If I was at the hospital still he probably would have come to visit there. This time my dad is only 10 mins away, as are my little brothers and sisters. The rest of my family are a bit further but much closer so I guess I'm to expect more visits this time round. I would feel better if they waited until I was home at least then I'd be able to shower and make myself look half decent.

 

[ChristiansMum]

I plan on only telling people that need to be told when I'm actually in labour as well (my dad or SIL because either one of them will be having my children) last time everyone knew and it was all on Facebook (thanks to DHs family) so basically the whole world knew x

 

[Rickles]

The only people that came to the hospital were my parents - and that was the next day... All my brothers (4 of them) and their wives etc. were told they could come after a week!!

My parents came again over the weekend which helped as I had baby blues and my mum could talk me through it - I wouldn't have wanted anyone else there!! xx

 

[Kiwiberry]

Just let them know straight up how you feel. Try to be gentle but get the point across at the same time. Remember, they only want to be there because they love you.

 

[qe76]

My husbands family are all in the UK- so if pain dosent get the better of me Im going to try to take short vids with my phone and post it to my facebook for them to see so they feel apart of it all. My mother in law will be over a few weeks after I have the baby but Im not sure when other family will get over- My father in law and steph mum will visit too and gran but not till after baby is here.
My parents are about an hr. away but take care of my 99 yr. old gran who recently had to get a leg amputated. It takes the both of them to lift her so I'll have to bring the baby to them when I get a chance.
My hubby will be with me and I told my son (who 19) if he wanted to be there he could- I have a feeling he dosent want to be in the delivery room lol- but Im sure he'll come in after. I have one sis near by- either way if she is there or not it makes no difference to me. If it happens in the middle of the night I don't expect anyone to rush to come see me- My family is pretty laid back- but it wouldn't bother me if everyone I knew was there lol-
I don't care what I look like or anything- and I hope my husband catches me on tape being funny or mean- I think personally he's gonna faint and I want to try and get him on tape lol- His family will love getting to see anything we share-
IDk Im just not that private of a person- Life happens to everyone- if I do something embarrassing I point it out to everyone and encourage them to laugh with me. I wasn't always so easy going but I'll tell ya- it's a lot more freeing not to give a damn what anyone thinks !

 

[burrr]

I think being polite is just not working out for you - time to get firm! Tell them straight - it is YOUR baby, YOUR birth and YOUR choice who is there and that is final.

I know people are excited but they need to learn to rein it in and know where the boundaries lie. If you don't sort it out now, you'll have them traipsing in and out of your house on constant impromptu visits and you'll end up resenting them.

 

[KatyKat]

when I had my daughter the hospital didn't allow anyone to 'hang around' waiting. You either had people in the room with you as a birthing partner, or they weren't there at all, which I think was far better.

They also only allowed extended family to visit during specific times, but had additional extended visting for partners and children. To be honest, that was much better as it gave DH and I time alone with our daughter before everyone else descended. I also think it's far more sensible given that you have no idea how long labour/birth will take, and whether or not there will be any complications.

Plus, and this is just my opinion, giving birth is a very private and personal thing, not some sort of circus act for everyone to turn up and enjoy!

 

[vickyandchick]

At my local hospital you're allowed 2 birth partners and there's no room to wait around.
I'll send everyone pictures when he's born but I've said I want to wait a few days before visitors, and since he's coming out of me my word is law
Plus visiting times is only for 1 hour twice a day and you're only allowed 2 people at once so pointless everyone turning up really x

 

[NotNic]

Agree that the hospital will likely have an issue with it. I put it in my birth plan that my mother was to be the first visitor and under no circumstances was anyone else to be allowed in until she had been in AND I had agreed it. They were so good that they wouldn't let my mum in at first because my sister was with her! Not sure about visitors this time. It depends when I give birth. We would like our son to be amongst the first visitors once I'm well enough to hold him though.

 

[lilmonkey86]

DH is the only one that will be in the room with me while giving birth but I know my parents will want to be in the waiting room and I think DH's parents will want to also, it's first grandbaby for my parents and first grandson for DH's, so I am fine with it. but everyone else will have to wait until I am up for visitors. I will allow my brother and SIL to come up and see him once he is here, but no extended family on day of birth, I have a huge extended family (dad has 7 sisters, which all have 1-2 kids, mom has 2 siblings each with 3 kids and both of DH's parents have 2 siblings each with 3 kids each) way too many.

 

[allisonmh]

At the hospital I'm delivering at, it's 2 people max during labor and there's a mandatory hour afterwards for just you and your birth partner to bond with the baby. They won't let anyone into your room until at least an hour after that. And even then I think it's still only 2 people at a time in the room. Maybe you can ask the hospital for a do not disturb sign. They shouldn't let people in if you don't want them in there.

 

[hannah berry]

i had the same thing with husbands family as mine is to far away. mostly mother in law. but i told everyone straight up!! I want 3 days alone with baby and husband since i had a c section and was kept for 8 days. they keep you long here in France don't ask why they just do. so mother in laws sulked and said she wasn't coming so i told her fine you do that then cause its an empty threat. So three days after my c section they all came to visit but his mother turned on the tears and cried to my husband and she ended up staying in my house and sleeping in my bed for three days while he stayed at the hospital. she poked around the house tried to change the baby's room to what she wanted until i got upset and my husband told her to hit the road. finally my husband grew a pair and told her to rack off. now this baby we don't care about people visiting. in fact we don't want any visitors so. people can see our baby when we are ready.

Midwives here tell everyone only one person is allowed to be there for the birth. either husband or mother you can't have both because they say its to cramped and if there is an emergency i guess they need the space and to act fast. also must be because of over bering mother in laws and mothers.