Too many people want to be at the hospital!

[purplecupcake]

Meh, in this situation I really wouldn't care about if I sounded rude or pissed anyone off. I'd just very matter of factly tell them "My mom is going to be my main support during labor and delivery. She will relay any info to you and let you know if I'm ready for visitors."

 

[bumpbear]

I hadn't planned on having any visitors right away, but DH told his family when I went in to labour so they travelled in from out of town and drove around the city killing time hoping to be able to come in as soon as the baby was born. Unfortunately for them (but fortunately for me!), I gave birth just as visiting hours had just started, so by the time we were brought down from the birthing suite to our hospital room, visiting time was over and they had to go home. I can tell you I was jolly glad it worked out that way because DH and I had the most amazing evening and night bonding with our newborn and to be frank, I was in so much discomfort bleeding all over the place, I couldn't have imagined anything worse than having a room full of visitors sitting around at that time.

They eventually got to visit the next afternoon and that suited me just fine.

I can see why you feel under pressure though as I am the type of person who wouldn't have the guts to say 'no' if I wasn't feeling up to visitors through fear of upsetting them.

 

[Meljenn]

My husband and I have disagreed about this. He wants everybody there waiting and I just want him and my mom. I know his mom will cry and throw a fit but it is my vagina and my baby so she can wait.

 

[Kristle]

With my daughter it was my husband mom and dad but they were not allowed to look lol. I never had the issue of pushy family members. In fact none of my husband family even asked to come to the hospital to see her. I don't expect it this second time around either.

 

[DocMcStuffins]

With my first daughter I had my mum and my husband with me. I was then taken down for an emcs so only my husband could come down with me. It was at 11pm at night though so too late for anyone else to visit anyway. The next afternoon my parents came up along with my in laws. I was in 5 days and they were the only visitors we allowed.

My second baby was an elective section and just my husband came into the hospital with me. I had her in the afternoon and our parents popped in to visit later that evening at our request. I was home the next day anyway.

But everytime any visitors buzzed on the ward to come in, the midwives would check with me first that I was happy to see anyone.

I know they're obviously all wanting to be there out of love and support, but if they really care about you and how you feel, then they'll listen to you when you say you only want your mum and oh there and will notify people when you are ready for more visitors.

I don't think many hospitals will allow a crowd of people to just gather around and wait. For starters labour could take 24hrs plus, it could happen in the middle of the night when visitors aren't even allowed in!

If they kick up a fuss about it then so be it. Hopefully they'll understand though that giving birth is such a personal experience.

But I agree its time to be firm, just politely say that you only wish to have 2 people with you during such a personal time. You can always say that it's the hospitals policy to allow no more than 2 as there isn't enough space for a crowd to just gather and wait!

X

 

[Selaphyna]

You just have to come out and just tell them. Put your foot down.

I had my son's father and my mom in the room with me. My best friend came in and out of the room while I was still progressing, so all I was doing was resting. And my dad came in and out a few times. But during the actual delivery my mom and ex were in there with me.

My best friend, dad, grandmother, and a few other friends all stayed in the waiting room while I was in actual delivery phase.

It didn't bother me though.

But if it something that will bother you, you need to just tell them. This is your pregnancy, not theirs. You have a right to what you want, and shouldn't feel like you are being bullied into what they want you to do.

 

[Starry Night]

It seems more and more hospitals are taking on the policy restricting birth partners and who can all visit directly after the birth. It may be worthwhile looking into your hospital's policy. Our doesn't even allow family to wait around in the maternity ward. They have to wait in the main lobby 3 floor below!

I don't have family in the area so it's not a huge issue but I have to say the lack of visitors is lonely. If you have a smooth labour and get to leave right away it doesn't really matter. But I was stuck there for 5 days and my roommate had visitors coming and going ALL DAY and my LO was stuck in NICU so I was lonely, lonely, lonely.

I would tell your family you will call once it's time to come to visit the baby that way you're in control. Heck, if you think they'll show up anyways, don't tell them you're in labour. Ignorance can be bliss.

 

[shmunster]

I only wanted my husband there during labour so I told people that if you weren't there when the baby was conceived you wont be there for the labour!

After the labour we just didn't ring people right away, we gave ourselves a bit of time, and by then visiting hours were over til the next day anyway

Most hospitals are great at blocking visitors too, so if you tell them you want privacy they wont let people come

 

[PumpkinBump]

Heck no! The only two people allowed in my delivery room are my husband and my mother. Your vagina will be exposed. Have your baby's father talk to his family. Tell him you are not comfortable with them seeing you exposed like that.

I wouldnt even let my husband see my vagina when i delivered. I clutched his hand and said no when he wanted to see the head coming out.

 

[noon_child]

I had a 94hr labour. Went in to hospital 3 x before finally staying to give birth. Gave birth at night so even DH wasn't allowed to stay with us once we got out of the delivery room and on to the ward (visiting times ended at 8pm). If I had had relatives waiting for a glimpse of the baby they would have had to wait a long time!! Tell them it is impractical and you'll call them when it's convenient. You can even use my story as an example if you wish

 

[lilmonkey86]

really noon_child, they make your husband leave when visiting hours are over?? I don't know about ward rooms or semi-private but with private rooms they will set up a cot for DH so he can stay right in the room with you and baby (atleast here they do), DH's benefits cover me for a private room at 100% so as long as one is available that's what i will be in, therefore DH will be staying with us. I think even if his benefits didn't cover it I think $200 a day is a small price to pay for complete privacy with your new family IMO.

 

[noon_child]

really noon_child, they make your husband leave when visiting hours are over?? I don't know about ward rooms or semi-private but with private rooms they will set up a cot for DH so he can stay right in the room with you and baby (atleast here they do), DH's benefits cover me for a private room at 100% so as long as one is available that's what i will be in, therefore DH will be staying with us. I think even if his benefits didn't cover it I think $200 a day is a small price to pay for complete privacy with your new family IMO.

Yup - I would have loved privacy and someone there to take the pressure off (the adrenaline of being left entirely responsible for this tiny thing stopped me from getting any sleep despite the previous 94hours without sleep!). NHS is so great for so many things but maternity wards are not the best advert for it. I think some hospitals aren't so strict though, just the one near us was very definite about it!

 

[pisces_sun]

I am really hoping that the hospital I deliver at will make it easy for me to keep my baby's father out. I consider him a threat and every time I have gone to visit a close friend or family member at the hospital after having a baby, I have been able to just waltz right in I really don't want a bunch of people there either, but some hospitals make it way too easy for visitors to show up without permission.

 

[SouthernC]

Just tell them. When I had my son we had visitors all day, I had him at 7:09 am, visitors started showing up at 9 am and was constant visitors until 10 pm I was exhausted but at the same time loved showing him off I'm sure it will be the same wih my little girl

 

[PumpkinBump]

You can put a "no visitors" sign on your room door. Ive seen it done when my cousin had her baby.

 

[zephyr]

Id just tell them straight up that you dont want visitors.
with my 3rd I had pushed him out and was still sitting in a puddle of mess, hadnt even showered yet and my dads girlfriend came into the delivery suite with her daughter to congratulate me. I was so mad and dont even know how she managed to get in! It was humiliating being cleaned up with her standing there! Im not even close to her.

So after that incident when we had the twins we said no visitors and made it public that we would not be taking visits until we are settled at home and that everyone is to text first.
put a note on the door saying babies sleeping text first.
it was up to me and how I was feeling whether I answered those texts or not.
the inlaws were mad cos they flew in and wanted to be there every single day the first two weeks even tho we said dont fly up till after they are a few weeks old!
The first few weeks were chaos and they had 2 very short visits, got in a huff and flew home early.....felt a bit bad for them but we did warn them that those first couple of weeks we wouldnt have time and would be too exhausted for visitors!

Im having a home birth this time and I wont announce till ive rested a day or two.

 

[Eriamel]

Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself.
It's YOUR baby...

Personally my husband and my midwife will be the only people there when I deliver the baby. And those days at the birth center I will NOT allow any visitors at all. I personally want some time alone with my husband and baby. All these other people will have enough time to see the baby, he's not going anywhere.

People might be upset.. but oh well, your baby is not an accessory, they can see him when you say so. You are the mother. Not them.

 

[RinnaRoo]

I had 4 people in the room while I gave birth, and my dad recorded it. Say how you feel, people will understand if you want some privacy.

 

[notmommyyet]

You could say "so I was thinking about everybody being at the hospital and I am not sure how I will be feeling after the baby is born, as I will probably be exhausted and may not be up for visitors right away and I would hate for all you guys to waste your time waiting around. So how about we will call you when we have recovered a bit and are up for visitors"

 

[notmommyyet]

I forgot to add that by saying that if they still choose to show up or persisit that they will you wont have to feel bad when you deny visitors. If they say no no we will come just say ok you are warned (in a cutesy tone). Then after that it is their fault lol