Torn over when to ttc no2

Discussion in 'Toddler & Pre-School' started by stevie123, Jun 11, 2013.

  1. stevie123

    stevie123 Well-Known Member

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    Bit of a pointless thread really, but I am just so torn over this. My lo s nearly 3, and up untill recently I've had no desire for another. I'm only 28, so times on my side. But recently I've started to think about another baby. I want lo to have a sibling, but at the same time, I love spending all my time with him. He's at an age now where we can do things, go to theme parks and really have fun as a family. He's always been demanding so I worry how I'd split my time.
    But, I don't know. When I think about it realistcally, it brings me out in a cold sweat thinking about being pregnant again. I was so sick with my first and felt awfull for 5 months. I can't imagine not being able to play or go out with lo for this amount of time.
    Going through labour again also scares the crap out of me. My first was 9lb2 and arrived in under 2 hours which was horrendously painfully and traumatic.
    Then there's the financial side. We just about get by at the moment. We're not poor, but there's never any money left. With another baby I worry how we'd cope.
    My first was a difficult baby/ early toddler. Very demanding, cried a lot, didn't like being put down like ever! I feel I'm only just starting to really enjoy him now. I love him more then life itself. He's my everything and I cannot imagine
    Loving another child as much.
    Lo starts school in sept 2014, andi kind of thought it would be nice if I was off work for his first year of school. Well, if that's going to happen the we need to start ttc soon really. I just can't bring myself to come off the pill! My oh wants another so that's also not an issue.
    Anyhow, like i said, pointless thread really. Just wanted to vent my feelings. How on earth do you take the plunge! Thanks for listening x
     
  2. cupcakekate

    cupcakekate Cooking baby #3 :)

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    I think these are all normal worries! I had awful sickness in my first pregnancy and that put me off ttc for a long time because I didn't want my daughter to miss out while I had my head constantly over the loo! Turns out this pregnancy has been much better and even now when I'm alot more tired and heavy we are still doing out normal day to day activities! I worry that Isabelle will be jealous and sad at first for having to share me etc but I know deep down that she will absolutely adore her baby brother and in the long run I am giving her something so special!
    Just do what feels right for you hun, if a bigger age gap suits, then do that. x x
     
  3. rachmumtobe

    rachmumtobe Well-Known Member

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    Exactly how im feeling. I feel guilty just thinking about trying for another but it's been on my mind a lot lately. I've just got a feeling that I'll get pregnant and then be sad all the time that it won't just be me and him anymore, and I know that's quite normal but it's a big step to make I think. I think no matter how long I wait I'll always feel this guilty and it's annoying that i feel this way x
     
  4. seoj

    seoj Our family of four...

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    Such a personal decision hun... I fully understand all your concerns. But I recently read, do not base your decision on whether to have another child due to the pregnancy/early years- as that is such a short time compared to having your son/daughter for the rest of your life... I guess, if you look at it that way- it makes sense. But I also think you have to do what makes sense for our family overall- other kids included, as your decisions affect not only you and OH, but your current child or children. Personally, our kids are 14yrs apart- lol- my SD was 9 when I met her Dad and we had our LO when she was 14. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the age gap tbh- I love that I can take my oldest for pedis or girl time, she'll go on roller coaster rides with me and she's all independent and easy- but then I have LO for snuggles and toddler stuff (I do still get snuggles from my oldest too lol)... for me and OH, it's been the best of both worlds. Our oldest adores her little sister and is such a great help when we occasionally need it. We don't plan on having anymore though. And, although there have been fleeting moments I think about it, the bigger and more idependent LO get's the easier it all get's and I'm able to really enjoy the flow of it all, always have, but just that much more- if that makes sense.

    BUT- if I was younger (I'm 39) and didn't have fertility issues and could afford to wait till LO was in school full time, I'd consider it. I always wanted to have a good gap in age. That is what I prefered- but obviously, some prefer a closer age. It's subjective. But when it's right- I think, even if it's still a bit scary, you'll just know :)
     
  5. seoj

    seoj Our family of four...

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    You are not wrong hun... our kids are 14yrs apart! and, even though my oldest wanted a sibling and absolutely adores her little sister, there was still some level of guilt that I wasn't able to attend to her needs as quickly or as often. With LO going to bed early- one of us always has to miss some after school activity etc... as someone needs to be home with LO. She has been fantastic about it though- really never complains (but being 16 now she was better able to communicate her feelings etc...)-- she even pre-plans how she'll get home from events in case it's late as she knows we go to bed early, and we always still make time for her- but for sure, no matter when you have LO #2- there is time and energy you don't have for LO #1 (or OH or yourself for that matter) :dohh:

    BUT- you will find that rythm... and go with it. And it will be an adjustment, but you'll work through it and become a happy, if bigger, family unit for it :)
     
  6. stevie123

    stevie123 Well-Known Member

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    Thank you for your replies! It has made me feel a bit better knowing these are normal worries. I never wanted a small age gap between my children.i wanted to enjoy my first as much as possible but I'm thinking a 4 ish year age gap feels right. I don't think I'll pressure myself to try and have another before my first starts school. I still don't think I'm 100 per cent ready, but maybe soon! I'm hoping that yes it will just feel right one day.
    I think it's such a bigger descision having no2 as you know what a huge deal it is. I think your right that however long you wait youll probably still feel guilty etc. Thanks again ladies x
     
  7. katy1310

    katy1310 Mummy of 1

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    I've been totally torn as well. We were tentatively TTC but kind of stopped again because I got scared. Sophie was born at 27 weeks and I'm terrified of that happening again, and what would happen if I had to be in and out of hospital again like last time because I now have Sophie to think about, and it's always me she wants at night because she's with me all the time. What would happen to Sophie if we had another NICU baby 60 miles away to visit.

    I too have those feelings about being worried about not being able to devote all my time to Sophie etc. We had always planned a 3-4 year age gap (before we went through all that with Sophie) and we really should be getting on with TTC now as I just turned 37 so time isn't so much on my side :(

    I desperately want another, it's just the thought of having another so early/whether we would cope again - but I guess we would, because we did last time, and people do cope with having a preemie as a second baby. I suppose, thinking about it, Sophie could have been fullterm and I could still have a preemie and go into a pregnancy not thinking at all about that happening and not worrying about what to do with Sophie if I had a preemie!

    I'm just scared to take the plunge :(
     

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