Totally breakdown and disconnect....:(

Discussion in 'Gender Disappointment' started by medic76097, May 21, 2016.

  1. medic76097

    medic76097 Baby #3 on the way!

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    I have two boys. I love my boys. Hubby and I have always said we don't want girls. I couldn't wrap my head around having a girl. We are days away from baby #3 and I gave permissible to my three best friends to find out the gender..... They are the only ones that know. They are decorating the room for baby for us as a gift. They were here a few days ago and painted the room. I picked the color palette for each gender (peach and seafoam for a girl and gray and blue for a boy) and they painted and locked the room up. This morning I walk down my hall and the sun is flowing through the newspaper they put on the window.


    The room is pink or peach..... Very clearly not a boy color

    I sobbed. Like someone had died. I'm devastated. In that instant I lost the confidence I was going into labour with. The excitement is gone and all I want is this pregnancy to end. I was totally convinced it was a boy and had my heart set on a name. I feel like it was stolen from me and now I'm left with keeping it a secret that I know. All the while being unbelievably miserable.

    I feel badly for reacting the way I did and I'm glad it happened now and not in the delivery room. I have a friend coming to take photos and I'd hate to have that horrible reaction on record
     
  2. Isme

    Isme Well-Known Member

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    I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way right now... and so close to delivery.

    I'm pregnant with number 3 and feel exactly the same way, but from the opposite direction. I have two girls and can't even fathom having a boy. I've never really pictured myself with a son. (Sometimes I think my husband may want one for the novelty of it, but I think the idea unsettles him too.) I'm really nervous that I will not handle it well if find out this one is a boy. I know I will need time to come around to the idea.

    I can't imagine finding out so close to your due dates feeling like that. I know it has to be tough. I really hope that things go well on delivery day and that as soon as your baby is here, all these feelings go away for you.

    It probably doesn't help, but I think girls are awesome. They can be just as athletic and funny and crazy as little boys. They aren't always dramatic, or whiney, or prissy. I really think it depends a lot on how you raise them. I bet if you do end up with a little girl, then she will be the most awesome girl you know. :hugs:
     
  3. medic76097

    medic76097 Baby #3 on the way!

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    Thank you. Truly. Your reply was perfect.

    It's not that I don't think I'll love it once it's here. I've just always seen myself as the mom of boys. I don't feel like I'll connect or bond with a female child. My mom and I have a rocky and most of the time, non existent relationship so I fear that that's partly why I don't want a daughter. My boys see me as the sun and moon of their entire world and I crave that bond.
    I was so very excited to bond again with another son and I feel like I'll have to endure the comments people will come up with... I'll have to hear ' you must be so happy to have a girl , now your family is complete'. Or the 'you can stop trying now since you've got your girl'. I hate the thought of pink things and girly accessories. Of the overflow of pink things I know people will buy. The little princess badge of honor it will get since its 'the only girl'. My hubbies reply to my cousin finding out their baby was a girl was 'oh that sucks'. And I agreed. Its impossible to wrap my head around it. I don't know how to 'do girls'.
    Part of me feels horrible that I feel like this and the other part of me is just so sad and disappointed. I've lost the urge to breastfeed and can't imagine wanting to follow through with my birth plan now. I imagined being able to hold and bond and cuddle right after birth, asking people to give us time to be alone and announce we had yet another perfect beautiful boy. And I'm afraid I'll just hand the baby off and cry to myself when it's born. I feel like I lost the connection I had with this pregnancy
     
  4. Bladesgirl

    Bladesgirl Well-Known Member

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    Hey! I wanted to reply because I'm not in the best place right now either! We are having our second boy and I never dreamed my life would
    Be boy children never mind 2 of them! I dreamed of 1 girl! I had been excited about the 2 be pregnancy till we found out last week now I feel I do t want my baby and can't seem to snap out of it! I haven't even told my friends it's a boy so I don't have to pretend to them! I feel so guilty for how I feel as the baby has done nothing wrong but then I feel worse as I don't seem to have any connection to my bump any more :(

    I hope you feel better soon and everyone keeps telling me it will be great when he is here :) if you need to talk the girls on here are great
     
  5. lau86

    lau86 Well-Known Member

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    Huge :hugs: I can only imagine how difficult it must be finding out like that so close to your due date. I really think that must be adding to how you're feeling. ok it's not what you wanted or expected (I have a girl after two boys and was really expecting a third boy). I'm thrilled with my girl, she's gorgeous. My boys love her to bits and the pride my ds2 has when he introduces her to everyyyyyyone is wonderful. A little brother would be lovely but I hope I can convince you a sister will be too. I'm not a girly girl, my daughter does wear pink sometimes but she certainly doesn't wear lots of horrid frilly things. She is tough, she has two boys clambering on her a lot of the time! You can really make and shape her and your relationship into what you want it to be.
     
  6. medic76097

    medic76097 Baby #3 on the way!

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    I was hoping a sleep and a new day would bring some better feelings toward this whole thing. But it hasn't. I'm disconnected from my belly now and caught myself cringing last night when baby moved, when I usually take the time to touch and watch it.

    Another part to the story is that one of my best friends is struggling with getting pregnant. She and her DH have been working on it for almost four years. Our oldest boys are the same ages and I'm now on my third pregnancy while she's not had a glimmer of a positive for the entire time. So I feel like a proper cow even that I'm even complaining or upset at all. She's the main one decorating the room and I feel horrible b/c she's so excited to finish it and have me see after baby is born and all I can think is how I don't even want to open the door. At all.

    My plans to maximize the bonding at delivery seem to be unimportant now. I'm scared of my reaction when baby is born. I'm scared I won't want to hold her or look at her. I don't have a history of it but I'm worried about post partum depression. I tried looking at cute girl outfits and only managed to cry that I wouldn't be able to use all the fav outfits from my boys. I already feel like I want to try to have another boy but terrified it will be another girl.

    I really had no idea this was so hard. I sort of rolled my eyes at women before who said they didn't want one or the other gender. Thinking that it was some sort of horrible mental health issue they must have to not want a baby of a certain gender. :(
     
  7. medic76097

    medic76097 Baby #3 on the way!

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    My two best friends were just over to take a look at the change table and shelves I got for the room and one let it slip that they use pink as a chat color when they talk about baby's room. So I guess that's a pretty solid clue. :(
     
  8. lau86

    lau86 Well-Known Member

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    Tbh it doesn't sound like they've been very good at keeping it a secret! I would be annoyed. It's a lovely thing to do but seriously it was supposed to be a surprise?
     
  9. medic76097

    medic76097 Baby #3 on the way!

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    To be fair....I saw girl bits at the 20 week scan but didn't have it confirmed and thought maybe I saw wrong. As for the room, it was dark outside when they painted so there was no way of knowing if the light would shine through. Plus I'm super nosey and would have dug under the door with a mirror at some point to see if I could see anything. Lol. As for the slip tonight, I've told them to each refer to the baby as a gender and the other as a different gender so it would throw me off. I'm not sad at them. They have been super careful and tbh, I'm shocked it took this long for a slip. They have known for over four months what gender baby is
     
  10. lau86

    lau86 Well-Known Member

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    Ahh ok that makes sense
     
  11. laila 44

    laila 44 Well-Known Member

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    Sorry you feel that way. However I think in your case it's much better to find out sooner rather than later so you can wrap your head around it. I have three girls and we are opposite in the sense that we never wanted boys. Although I wouldn't have been devastated I just would need some time to wrap my head around it. If it's the bond u are worried about, trust me no one loves mommy more than a little girl! She will be your best friend. Mother daughter bonds are so special. I know you said you don't get along with yours but you may have the most amazing bond with your own daughter. I think it's super special. You'll see in the future u will be soooooooo happy you had a girl X
     
  12. bubbles82

    bubbles82 Well-Known Member

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    I hope you can start to feel better and look forward to meeting your girl soon. I have a daughter and she's only two but isn't girly at all, it isn't all about pink frilly dresses and bows for us. She has her own little personality and I dress her in bright colours, stripey tights with little denim shorts, or bright hoodies, jeans and converse trainers, that's what she likes best so it doesn't have to be all pink and frills.

    I haven't found at gender yet as I'm too nervous to hear boy this time. I'm really convinced it's a boy this time, and I feel like such a horrible person for feeling disappointed. I have loved having a girl and want the same again, and for my girl to have a sister. I just can't get my head around the boy idea at all.
     
  13. medic76097

    medic76097 Baby #3 on the way!

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    Thanks everyone. We are slowly warming to the idea. I think the issue for me was that I had whole heartedly convinced myself this was another boy and one ould have my lucky three. Day by day it's getting better. We had a scan yesterday and couldn't see gender of course so it's still not official
     
  14. VickyLou

    VickyLou 1 beautiful little lady.

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    I found out at 16 weeks I was expecting a second girl.i really was disappointed as I wanted a boy so I would have one of each. I do understand why hkj are so upset especially as you set your heart on another boy but honest girls are not that bad, people tell me girls are more hard work than boys in the early years (I have nothing to compare it to) but my little lady is so worth it. I too didn't have a great relationship with my mother so when I got my first girl I was determined to give her everything I never had. Maybe look at it a different way, make sure you and your daughter have the love and bond you and your mum never did. I believe when you meet her you will fall in love with her. Good luck with your labour hope all goes well x
     
  15. medic76097

    medic76097 Baby #3 on the way!

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    My DH is excited about it so it makes things a little better. We changed our name choice at the last min too. I just can't imagine it being a girl. Still. But I guess we will see. Thank you all for the support. It's easier to work through things when you don't feel totally alone
     
  16. medic76097

    medic76097 Baby #3 on the way!

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    So babe arrived yesterday at 5:22pm.
    Labour stopped and started a few times and then the end got really intense and I went from stalled labour, getting a shot of morphine, and begging for an epidural when the contractions picked up and I was still 4cm.... To 4cm, just got morphine, baby engaging with a pop and slamming into my pelvic bone and fully dialated and delivered in 8 mins. Baby Callie Lola came flying into a nurses hands at 5:22, weighing 7lbs 10oz ( biggest baby by 1.5lbs) and screaming.
    I didn't have time to dwell on the fact that she was a girl until about midnight and by then there was so much excitement and flurry of people in and out that I was truly over the fact by the time we were settled and alone together. She's a spitting image of my first son and just loves to snuggle and nurse. We were discharged home this morning, 13 hours after she was born and j couldn't be happier with how labour and the first day went.
     
  17. Unexpected212

    Unexpected212 Well-Known Member

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    Congratulations!!! So happy for you :)
     
  18. donnarobinson

    donnarobinson Mommy Of 3 Boys

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    Aww congratulations hunni enjoy her X
     
  19. Isme

    Isme Well-Known Member

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    What a wonderful update! Her name is beautiful. I'm so glad that your sweet girl arrived safely and you are bonding well with her. Huge congratulations!!!
     
  20. medic76097

    medic76097 Baby #3 on the way!

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    Thank you everyone for your kind words :).
     

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