Traditional relationship roles

[Lightworker]

Just wanted to add though in some communities, (long before global female empowerment) it has been customary for the female to be the breadwinner, so the concept of women being breadwinners is not entirely a modern notion, not for the whole world anyway. The cultures include one in Nigeria where when war was waged, it was the women that went to war and men stayed home, and also in Laos (or somewhere in that vicinity). X

 

[tallybee]

Just wanted to add though in some communities, (long before global female empowerment) it has been customary for the female to be the breadwinner, so the concept of women being breadwinners is not entirely a modern notion, not for the whole world anyway. The cultures include one in Nigeria where when war was waged, it was the women that went to war and men stayed home, and also in Laos (or somewhere in that vicinity). X

That's really interesting - it underlines the fact that what we tend to think of as universal setups are often not across all cultures x

 

[Lightworker]

yeah totally, Tallybee, it shows that even the term "traditional" is very subjective. x

 

[discoclare]

I'm not sure whether I am allowed to answer this or not since I am not married, but anyway! My partner and I don't have traditional roles, we share responsibilities mainly with some exceptions:

- we jointly care for our DD on weekends, during the week he has her one day, I have her one day and she goes to nursery 3 days
- he does ALL of the cooking. All of it.
- we share housework equally although I do more washing up as he cooks more and he always vacuums as I despise the vaccuum. I wash the nappies as cloth is really my passion (although he likes cloth nappies too now).
- we jointly manage our finances and make financial decisions together.
- he does tend to do more of the DIY and garden maintenance (this is the only part I would say where he does a more gender traditional role)
- we both do food shopping

It works for us. We are both working parents and just get on with what needs doing when there is time. With regards to the divorce arguement: my parents had more gender traditional roles than us and ended up divorced and my grandparents had very traditional gender defined roles and ended up divorced in the 1940s!

 

[mskellydenise]

I think the divorce rate has increased so much based on its overall acceptance...i believe that if you are in an unhealthy relationship that you should definitely end it but at the same time it seems like some people arent willing to try...they would rather divorce at the slightest sign of trouble...I think a marriage is something that has to be worked at and can never be perfected...but you both have to be willing to put in the effort in order for it to succeed.

 

[nomadlife]

I was raised with the idea that you get married for life, you were loyal no matter what and you made it work. I consider this to be one of the good lessons I learned growing up.

My hubby and I have been through a lot of crap (external problems) and we came out the other side smiling. I cant see myself ever wanting out of my marriage, and sounds cliche but he really is my best friend. We started traditional man-provider, women-house and husband head of house type relationship (though my hubby was always super considerate of me and my feelings).
When we left the religion we had been raised in, our relationship evolved and now we both have an equal say in things. We are both "in charge" of the areas that are our strengths but still make decisions together. We are both happier for it, me because I am treated as an equal not as someone underneath him, and him because he is less stressed (said it was stressful having to take full responsibility for big decisions and he feels much better now they are a joint responsibility).

Of course there are somethings that cannot be "made to work" like an abusive partner. In some cases a relationship is just a little rusty and just needs a bit of work, but in other cases it is time to pull the pin. It is probably hard to tell the difference! But I am glad that we live in the modern age and much more choices are available to women

 

[PeanutBean]

Bit late to the party but an interesting discussion.

On divorce - I agree both that the rate is increasing partially due to female liberation (a good thing) and partly due to a change in the meaning of marriage to some. I believe in working on a relationship, I've watched my parents stay together through some very tough times, but it's easy for me to say as I didn't marry a dick!

On traditional roles - interesting point about assuming all cultures are the same. In fact in our own history poor women always worked, it was only really the wealthy who had 'traditional' roles.

For my part we are very untraditional. I am the main earner (we both work full time). I work in science, DH in a library (with mostly middle-aged women). I do all the finances. We have a joint account and neither of us would feel the need to ask permission to spend money but then neither of us would squander it on our own desires either. We share childcare equally. DH does the cooking, I do most of the washing and all the ironing. I choose the children's clothes and most of their practical items. We apportion the rest of the household chores equally per time spent at home, eg I am doing most of it while I am on leave. I do most of the DIY/decorating though this is getting more evenly split as time goes by. I deal with all tradesmen.

I value my career but want to see my children more and am determined to go part time after this leave. DH would love it too but isn't able to work from home with the children there (which I can do) so is less well suited to it.