Trying to potty train my stubborn 2, almost 3 yr old

[mrsstrezy]

My son will be 3 in two months. I have baby #2 on the way(due in May) and it’d be nice to have my son trained by then. My pediatrician told me that if at any time I meet resistance in the potty training process, to give up, wait two months, and then try again.

I tried training him a few months after he turned 2 using the 3-day potty training method. It was a complete disaster and I gave up after two days. He was completely unwilling to sit on the potty and had zero interest. I tried again a couple months later using the same method. He did much better and started using the potty on his own, but only if naked from the waist down. He then discovered he liked to pee on things, so stopped using the potty and completely regressed. I gave up because we bought a house and we were moving and it was a hectic time, so I figured it wasn’t a good time to continue training.

I now just started training him again. This time I thought I would just have him wear underwear and let him pee in them to make him uncomfortable, and take him to the potty at regular intervals. I have offered him many different kinds of rewards and incentives. The first half day went great...he even said multiple times “I love potty training.” Now it’s back to flat out refusal to go on the potty. I asked him if he wanted to wear diapers forever and he said yes. I’m at a loss. Do I just suck at potty training? Should I be forcing him more? My friend(who had both boys totally trained by 2.5 yrs) said that she would just force them to sit on the potty, even if they were crying. My son has always been stubborn with EVERYTHING and had trouble listening in general. How do I know if he’s not ready vs. just being a normal toddler??

 

[Bonnie11]

If he's telling you he doesn't want to do it then no he's not ready. He might be physically ready but not mentally if you know what I mean! I had pretty much the same thing with my nearly 4 year old. She was more than capable and just refused. Same as you the rewards helped for a short time but didn't last. I tried so many times and she was just so stubborn and became a stressful battle! I gave up for a few months, didn't mention it, put potty away, didn't even talk about it and then one day about 4 months ago she decided she wanted to do it. And she was great from day 1 and has never gone back. She's had accidents obviously but on the whole she's great. So she was 3yrs 7 months when she started.

Honestly they will do it when they are ready. Sorry but I think your friend sounds quite mean forcing them on the potty crying! It becomes so stressful and if they don't want to do it then why should they? They will absolutely be ready in their own time so don't worry at all. Barring any medical conditions they will all get there in their own time so please don't worry yourself, some are sooner and some later but in the end it really doesn't matter. To be honest it's harder in different ways when they are toilet trained because for the first month or so they will say they need to go right then which means NOW, so inconvenient if you are in the middle of the supermarket or driving etc so in that respect nappies are easier! If he's telling you he's not wanting to do it it is the same as not being ready so listen to him. Just tell him he can do it when he feels ready and I'm sure he will tell you when he wants to start. Believe me my girl is as stubborn as anything so I know how you feel! Fighting her on something like this will just end up with tears all round and as soon as they know they have control in a situation it just.becomes a battle of wills. Good luck, you'll get there xx

 

[Bonnie11]

Also she just skipped the potty and went straight to toilet, made her feel more grown up I think 😬

 

[mrsstrezy]

Bonnie-thanks so much for your reply. I think a big part of me wanting him to be trained is my own insecurities; my son is very tall for his age and many people think he’s 4 yrs old. It makes me self conscious and I don’t want people to think there is a problem with him or I.

And of course it’d be great to ditch diapers for even a short period of time before the new baby is here. But I will try to be patient and realize that not everything can be on my own timing.

 

[Bonnie11]

I felt the same, I wanted to do it for me as much as her! All her friends were trained and she also looks older than she is. But honestly after a month after month of stress with it I just thought about why I was doing it and realised that she doesn't care about nappies so why am I so worried? Same with reading/writing/sleeping/walking and everything else it will come in its own time and will be so much less stressful for you both xx

 

[SarahBear]

Forcing is a bad idea. I'm in the process of working toward potty training with my son. I put him in underwear this last weekend (as well as last weekend) and I just try to remind and ask him. If he says "no," I respect that... most of the time. However, if there's a natural transition and he wants what's next, I'll tell him to use the toilet first. I also have him use the toilet before I change his pants after an accident. I won't force it if he refuses. He hasn't been asking for the toilet, but I know that the accidents are part of the learning curve. I hope that my husband (stay at home dad) will be willing to just ditch the diapers here pretty soon. I don't think my son will make real progress until the diapers are gone. My daughter was potty trained about 3 different times: 18 months, 23 months, and a few months short of 3. By 3 years old, kids don't need reminders in order to learn potty training. At that age, they can also start taking responsibility for their own accidents. When Violet was nearly 3, we had her change her own wet pants. Poop was different, but I still had her as involved as possible. She was also in charge of going to her dresser to get her own change of pants. When she went in the toilet/potty, she got a chocolate chip. If you feel like he's ready for it developmentally, I'd try putting him in charge of as much of his pottying as possible. If he has an accident, have him clean it up and change has clothes to his ability level. Keep it neutral to positive. Reward and encourage success. Don't stress. It will happen.

Edit: Do not attempt this method if he has a negative association with the potty. Fix that first.

 

[adrie]

It's one battle I wouldn't want to fight honestly. Our daughter decided to self train at 28 months and lucky for me--all things considered, it's been the easiest part of raising her thus far. I was planning on trying to train at exactly 2.5 but she cut me to the chase. I didn't have to offer a single reward or anything. But she wanted to be nude at first. Then clothing was a bit of a hurdle, but not too bad. She just needed to associate the clothing on its own rather than thinking she had a diaper on underneath. She HATED being wet, and she hated seeing her own poop if not in the diaper or in the potty.

Much better to encourage a child to train rather than forcing the issue. You still have 6mo until the baby is due. Maybe try to make it fun somehow but no pressure? I've always heard of using a cheerio as a place to aim, maybe you could make it seem like it's a game? I would give it a quick go. It's really true that once they are ready, it just clicks.