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morning ladies.
ash, so sorry to hear about the homefront. i hope he mans up and you guys can get on the same page again.
last night i slept awful! i had THREE nightmares, and the third i actually yelled out in my sleep and woke myself up. then i had to drive my mom to the airport at 6a, so i just got ready for work and got in at 715 - my normal time of getting to work is about 830a. OH is out of town, so everything is whacked: my sleep, my food, my social life. and Alek has quadrupled in size this week, i'm convinced. i went from feeling him move but not really feeling him to clearly being able to tell where he is due to how solid/hard one side of my belly is versus another, and how frequently i cant breathe because he's kicking my ribs/diaphragm. i will miss his movements though, even if it's tough on my physcially right now. 11 more weeks.
i'm so tired.
 
julie, i cant possibly help, but when you find the solution, let us know! when i go back to work (around 10 weeks), my mom will watch A mondays and wednesdays. i will be home on fridays. and OH will do either/both Tuesday and Thursday. i was thinking that the night before and day of, the person watching the baby will be the one who wakes up with him in the night, and the person who goes to work will be the one who "gets sleep". to do this, i'm thinking one person sleeps on the futon in the guest bedroom with the baby, and the other sleeps in the bedroom with the door shut. i havent said anything to OH yet, so no guarantee this is even possible, but that might be how we work it out for a few months. i'll get back to you in november-ish ;)
 
Hugs Ashlee I hope he man's up.
Mirolee I'm sorry you didn't sleep well.
Afm I'm off to work, dead tired it's so warm in here. I think the a.c. is coming on.
 
Ash- So sorry about the house and DH situation. I hope you get stuff cleared up.

Julie- Not yet, but I can already see issues brewing for when DH goes back to work. I know it won't be quite the same because there will only be one baby, but I told DH that i'll handle the feedings while i'm on maternity leave but on the weekends HE will need to help. And after 10-11 weeks when I go back to work, it's going to be equal share and he will HAVE to help. He is SUCH a bear when we doesn't get sleep, but this if life and we will have a child. I'll be so pissed if he starts getting pissy or pushing it all on me. I'm really not looking forward to this aspect of it, because I know it's going to lead to fights. I hope she starts helping more!
 
Ash- so sry things r so tough for u right now. I hope things change, but ur right...your main focus is lux.

julie- I can't help much because u have twice the work and up until Alia was. 3.5 months shed sleep from 8-4am straight...so at that point I woke up every night to feed since it wasn't bad. I can also fall asleep really early after putting her to bed. When we have a hard night dh wakes to change her, I wake to feed her and if she's fussy to go to bed after the feeding then dh helps to get her back to sleep. But with this method there has been nights that I get 1.5 hr chunks of sleep all night long. Therefore dh always lets me sleep in or nap on weekends. She takes two naps a day that r 3ish hr long....so I can nap on weekends. I'm a great napper. Like I said before I can also go to bed early. Right now she goes to sleep around 630pm and I'll eat dinner and shower after she's down. Then I'm fast asleep by 830pm the latest!
 
Katrina- would today b af according to your average lp?? If so when is test day??
 
Oh Ashlee - I hope all works out. Maybe he's getting nervous?

Julie - when DH comes home from work he takes over. And by taking over I mean he will give her her top off bottle before bed. I get up with her throughout the night bc I breast feed so I just change her bc there's no point in bitching if I have to get up anyways. I am pretty much the sole caregiver. I change all the diapers, do bath time, feed her, dress her...and attempt to keep my house clean and in order. I go back to work in 2 weeks so we will see how he adjusts then...I think Ellie is in the 3 month growth spurt bc she's eating a ton! She woke up every 3 hours last night starving. I even gave her a bottle at midnight bc I had just pumped since she normally sleeps till 3 or 4. Then she woke again at 6, and 8....I guess it's good she's growing and it explains why she's been fussy and not sleeping well during the day.

Bb - happy 5+4! Go pee on a stick to make yourself feel better! You got this!
 
Morning...:coffee:

been super busy, but I still try to read along everyday just can't comment much.

as for DH helping out topic...I feel the same way, I'm thinking I will do most of the waking up, which has proved to be the case with Zara...We 'try' to switch every other night but this week I've been 'letting' DH get up with Zara at 3:30a because he was in big trouble from the weekend...:winkwink:

Katrina...I'm stalking your chart...I'm really hopeful for you!!

Ash, so sorry things are not good at home right now...I have faith that everything will work out. Have you tried any type of counselling? DH and I did just one session of counselling with our pastor and that opened our eyes to some easy fixes...it still takes a lot of work changing but we're definitely seeing improvements. :hugs:

Julie, I'm in awe at how well you've adjusted to having TWO babies!

AFM, I'm really starting to get pissed off at my body. I got my hopes up thinking my cycles were going back to normal but here I am cd45! Same symptoms as before...My boobs hurt to the touch, I have cramps...everyday I think af came and then nothing. I just want to be normal!
 
Julie I did all the night feeds with Tristan because I exclusively BF and he was up every 1-2 hours during the night. I'd then feed him in the morning and go back to bed whilst DH took him downstairs. Same in the evening. I'd give him his last feed them DH would keep him amused etc whilst I went to bed early.
 
Julie I am sorry. That stinks. I don't know how we will work it out. I have said before I would get up with him while I am off, but when I go back to work it's 50/50.. we will see.

Britt, I'm sorry! I hope AF comes soon!

Katrina, agreed. It's humid and yucky. Our ac was on last night.

I'm starting to get nervous about being off and $$ and baby sitters and everything and all of it. I'm not sure where all this anxiety over everything came from all of a sudden, but wow.
 
Ash- i am so sorry you guys are having issues. I have never been so unhappy in my marriage then when our kids were first born. It is so hard and you really have to communicate how you feel or it will obit get worse. The good thing is that baby should help him grow up!

Julie- i have to tell Rob what i need. I wake him up and he changes the diaper while i pee and feed Evan. Since i ebf that is about all he can so but i make him do it. He also does all the laundry, grocery shopping and cooking. The "you get to nap" is crap and tell her that. Ask if she wants to trade and i bet the answer is NO! Tell her what to do and i bet she will do it
 
That's what I have to do with DH. If I tell him to do something he will. He's just not very proactive about things.
 
Thanks ladies, I hope that it gets better too. Part of me thinks that moving out might be what it takes for DH to realize that I'm serious and that it's time for him to grow up. We really need to go to counseling because we've had some big issues that really need to be worked out. But part of the financial issues is that we no longer have DHs insurance so now I'm just covered my medi-cal. I really just don't think it's asking for that much for a 26 year old to act like an adult. All of his friends that are his age that have kids figured their shit out so why can't he?
 
I agree... Every time I wake dh up to help either change her, give her her paci or comfort her to sleep he always asks what to do and I have to tell him what to do. But he does it. He never hears her and wakes on his own...i have to wake him

good news is Alia was totally fine for us. She ate my breast milk fine, slept normal...was happy. So must have been something that bugged her tummy and she got it out. Yay to happy/healthy Alia!! Daycare is doing photos today with a professional... We might by then if they get good pics. ... But they have to catch her at the right time.
 
Julie - I totally hear you on the no napping thing during the day. *IF* I get lucky and she sleeps im either pumping, eating, or cleaning something.

DH changes her and does the 9pm feeding while I pump. Then I go directly to bed. I get up to do the 2am feeding, and make two attempts to get her back down if shes being fussy, DH will take her for the third attempt. She doesn't usually give us that hard of a time, but it's happened. She wakes up again at 5am-ish and DH takes her and changes/feeds before he leaves for work. I get up to pump 30 minutes before he leaves.

For all nighttime feedings - the opposite person has the monitor and listens for indications that the other is meeting the end of their rope so that we can rescue each other (heavy sighing, violent burping etc ;) )

On weekends we each take a day that we do the morning feeding and let the other "sleep in", but not past 10am. So like this Saturday he'll het up with her when she wakes and leave me to sleep until 10, and then ill do the same for him on Sunday.

We also have two policies - (1) What we say to each other between the hours of 10pm and 5am cannot carry-over into the next day (i.e - if we get frustrated and say something not so nice). (2) If one of us does friend night during the week - the other is entitled to the same amount of "down time" on another night during the week, even if that's just escaping to our bedroom to read or watch a movie.

This system works very well for us as long as were both communicating when we need a break but it's not foolproof - i.e the other night she was fussy going down for the night and I asked DH if he wanted help, he said no...so I got in bed even though she was still crying. He opened the bedroom door 5 minutes later and asked me how I could just listen to her scream. My response - "I just asked you if you needed help and you said NO...what do you want me to do, hold half of her?? LOL

Seriously though, I know DW has been super supportive and helpful for the most part BUT if she thinks what you're doing during the day is a cake walk, I suggest take a Saturday or Sunday and leave for 8 hours. That's the best lesson you can give, and would probably be a pretty rude awakening...

Hang in there momma - there are DEFINITELY days that I feel like I can't do the 9 hours alone, I can only imagine how you feel!!
 
jury3 said:
For those of you at home with baby while DH works, how did you guys handle that? How did you split up feedings and such? DW is back at work, so I've been trying to let her get more sleep at night. She helps with the feeding before we go to bed (around 10/11), then I let her sleep. She usually helps again in the morning before she goes to work (around 6/7).
So far it hasn't been too bad. I don't mind getting up with them at night and it hasn't been too hard during the day either. Last night really sucked bc as soon as I finished with one, the other woke up. I only had about 3 hours of sleep total. DW slept from around 10/11 until I got her up and made her take over around 7/8 while I went to bed. I was so exhausted.
Sunday night she told me she would let me sleep but I'm pretty sure I only got to sleep through one feeding (Olivia wakes up every 3 hours on the dot...sometimes we get luckily and it's 4). Since she doesn't work today, I figured I'd get to sleep more tonight as well. I haven't slept through a single feeding...she keeps bringing me babies. I'm kind of pissed. I don't think she's even trying! It's like she just gives up. I am with the two of them by myself all the time and she can't handle even one feeding all of a sudden? It's hard for me to sleep for too long anyway bc I need to pump (I've been giving bottles at night bc it's faster, otherwise I really wouldn't get any sleep), but even missing one feeding helps me out a lot. I just feel like she's being selfish. Maybe I'm overreacting, but I'd like to kick her in the face right now lol
She keeps saying how I almost have it easier bc I can take naps during the day...really?! I only get to sleep in 1-2 hour increments anyway, a nap in the middle of the day can't always happen and I'm not a nap person anyway. It's hard to get that time when I breastfeed one, bottle feed the other (sometimes at the same time, but not always), then I have to entertain them and then get them to sleep. After that I still have to pump and not much can get done while I'm pumping, especially not a nap! I am lucky if it isn't time for the next feeding by the time all that happens. Plus there's stuff to do like showering or laundry.
She does so much to help, but it's so frustrating that all I want is to sleep for 5-6 hours straight for one night and I can't even get that!
Anyway, had to vent for a minute and wanted to see what system everyone else has set up...
Click to expand...


I'm back to work now but we still have the same "system" as when I wasn't working. Initially I was breastfeeding but supplementing after each feeding so I'd wake up to feed her and he'd give her the bottle. Once we went to just bottle feeding, we pretty much took turns. Sometimes he'd offer to get her 3 nights in a row, sometimes I'll take her 2 or 3 nights in a row. It's easier now because she only wakes up once at night (last night she didn't wake up til 7am so OH got up with her & stayed up since he had to be to work at 10am.

OH's work schedule alternates so one week he starts at 8am, the next week at 10am. However, regardless of what time he has to be at work, we try to alternate nights even if it means someone gets less sleep before work (especially true now that I'm working again myself.) He never hears her so I always have to wake up when she does anyway. Sometimes he'll feed her but I can't fall back asleep until after he's already fed her and gone back to bed himself lol.

Sometimes one of us will be doing the feeding and she'll have a blowout so we wake the other to help with clean-up duties. If I have a day off work (or when I wasn't working) and have been with the girls all day, OH takes over almost immediately after he gets home to give me a break for an hour or so but then we both deal with the kids the rest of the night although he tends to deal with them more than me lol.

And napping when the babies nap is a total joke, especially if you have twins because there's no guarantee they'll nap at the same time. If it were me and OH in your situation, I'd be having him do the bottle feed for that baby while I breastfed the other, at least once every night so that you/I could get back to bed sooner.

Any parent who stays home alone with babies (even just 1) will tell you that it's far more exhausting and hard than going to a "real" job. So I think there's no excuse for any working parent to say the stay-at-home parent has it easier or are lucky they get to stay home with their kids all day. It's by far the harder job.
 
LOL sarah! Right! It's amazing how they can sleep right through the crying!

Ash- That really sucks about the insurance. I hope he gets his act together!

Sandy - I had a mental breakdown the night we met with our daycare lady. Our rent is only $60 more a month than daycare. I cried and cried after we came home from our meeting with her. It seems like ends are barely going to meeet for us, and we make decent money. I can't imagine what we'd do if one of us got laid off or didn't have a job. It's super stressful!

I do worry that DH and I will fight a lot when baby is first born. I will feel like I have to jump up and do everything myself, even if I think DH should help. I just want it to be an equal thing as much as it can be. We both decided to have children, and he's not going to get away with not helping me. Sometimes DH and I aren't the best at communicating, and that's what makes me nervous. *sigh*
 
Nikki - Im glad youre both feeling better!!

Ash - I'm so sorry to hear that you and DH are having a hard time. You're SO close momma, those last couple if weeks aren't fun. High stress, high emotion/anxiety. Hopefully you guys can work it out and are able to be a team and be there for each other when Lux arrives!
 
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