TTC first month and slightly down already - can any of you lovely ladies pep me up?

[Elodie]

Hi ladies
Right, this is a bit daft I know but I'm feeling a bit down right now.
This is our first month TTC and I'm en route to AF. I am a bit upset about this as I was having some very weird symptoms (sore breasts 1 DPO, strange abdominal cramps on one side 2-7 DPO, heaps of bloating around the same time, and just feeling generally weird, although I realise it could have been all in my head!?).
So now I'm pretty sure I'm a BFN, and although I know it's completely silly to expect something to happen the first month at (just) 36, but I can't help feeling disappointed, and all those thoughts of maybe there is something wrong etc etc, that I'm going a bit nuts.
This will seem absurd to those who have been TTC for a long time, and I realise that and am not trying to be insensitive. But it has just taken us such a long time to come to this decision, and I am so very impatient (and such a control freak) that I feel really rubbish right now.
Any words of encouragement much appreciated!
Elodie
xx

 

[sarahincanada]

hi!
i actually think the first few months are the worst....I remember them well and thought I was 100% pregnant each month as Id had loads of never-had-before symptoms! fast forward 11 months and I dont symptom spot at all anymore as period and pregnancy symptoms are basically the same. Once you ignore all symptoms its a little easier
I had my first IUI this month and was worried I would be really obssessed all month but luckily we booked a trip to vegas and I completely forgot about TTCing and feel great! I wish I could go away every 2WW. Im sure I am not pregnant and AF will arrive on thursday....I had 4 follicles and 29 million highly motile sperm inserted into my uterus so its just amazing that it still doesnt work. But they say we only have about a 20% chance each month so the odds are really against us....dont want to be a downer (my message is not really going to pep you up sorry!!) but with odds like those I prefer to be realistic each month rather than raise my hopes I do feel it will happen to me one month, just not sure which one xxx

 

[NorthStar]

Agree with Sarah, as a reality check rather than a pep talk only a small percentage of twentysomethings will conceive first month trying let alone 35+.

Best thing to do is prepare for a long haul and if you get there quicker it's a bonus

 

[37Hopeful]

I feel for you! I am just passing my second month & it feels like an eternity. It is very difficult not to think about something that you want so much in life. It can also feel like such a lonely place to be. I just took my first HPT this month but after blood tests indicated I didn't even ovulate, I was not surprised when I got a negative. It does not ease the blow, however....and every time we all wish for a BFP.
I wish you the absolute best on your ttc journey. As someone mentioned above, I think it gets easier......(well.....more tolerable) with time. Hopefully not too much time!!

 

[crystal443]

Agree with Sarah, as a reality check rather than a pep talk only a small percentage of twentysomethings will conceive first month trying let alone 35+.

Best thing to do is prepare for a long haul and if you get there quicker it's a bonus

I agree with NorthStar..settle in for a long road and if its quick then that's great too

 

[readyformore]

Agree with Sarah, as a reality check rather than a pep talk only a small percentage of twentysomethings will conceive first month trying let alone 35+.

Best thing to do is prepare for a long haul and if you get there quicker it's a bonus

I agree with NorthStar..settle in for a long road and if its quick then that's great too

Yep.
I'm agreeing yet again.
At 35+ it is absolutely normal to take up to a year to conceive.
That doesn't help at all with the disappointment every month, I know. It does help to keep perspective though.
Honestly, I think it would be unusual to conceive in just a few months of ttc once you've hit or passed your mid-thirties.

I managed to get pregnant once on the first try. I was 27, had a 15 month old baby, and had only had 3 cycles since his birth, due to breastfeeding. However, that 15 month old baby was 19 months of ttc with 4 IUIs (started at age 24!).

You just never know how long it's going to take.

 

[Indigo77]

You ladies are so sweet....

 

[Ellie Bellie]

I think we must have been separated at birth, as I'm thinking/feeling/experiencing many of the same things! I've been thinking them for years and we only started TTC this month. But now that hubby and I are actually TTC, I'm trying to not think about it and to just enjoy the "trying" part of TTC.

If I give it too much thought, the thoughts turn negative and I find that I'm just beating myself up for NOTHING. Putting pressure on ourselves doesn't accomplish anything. And there's no point in having a deadline for getting pregnant because our bodies just don't work that way. We do the best that we can to take care of ourselves and that's really all we can do. That's what you DO have control over.

So, from one control freak to another: there's nothing wrong, we're all a little nuts, and you're definitely not alone in this!

 

[FionaJames24]

Don't worry I know how you feel and it's really natural to be anxious early on - I got pregnant within 2 months of trying (at 36 too) but unfortunately I miscarried. I thought getting pregnant would be as easy the second time but it's been over a year and nothing. At 36 I felt ready, not I'm nearly 38 and I feel very jaded and worn. Every month the same old thing, and you really have to try hard to stay positive. This month I did everything I could, we literally did the deed loads and loads, ate well, no drinking, stayed positive and tried not to get worried about it, plenty of sleep etc etc - I really felt lucky but..nothing...today I see that the witch has arrived. So tonight I am going to have a large gin and tonic, sit in the garden and feel a bit sorry for myself before starting it all again. The most important thing is to keep busy and try not to tell too many people - it's up to you of course but the reason I say that is beacuse if one mroe person says to me 'THE IMPORTANT THING IS NOT TO STRESS'...or...'THE WEEK I STOPPED TRYING I FELL PREGNANT'. I will scream.... (I'm sure they're all absoutely right but when you know your ovulation dates and have been trying for 16 months, you can't just switch off or 'forget' you ovulation dates). You are young, healthy and time is on your side, I'm sure you'll be absolutely fine - stay busy and stay healthy xxx

 

[dachsundmom]

To the OP, I am sorry that you are feeling this way and I must confess that I stalked this thread yesterday bc I was busy having my own little pity party.

I can't tell you when it will happen, but I can tell you it will.

The only advice that I can give you is, don't symptom spot, you will find yourself in a very dark place if you do this to yourself every month and work hard to keep your sense of humor.

Laughter will get you through this; I promise.

 

[readyformore]

To the OP, I am sorry that you are feeling this way and I must confess that I stalked this thread yesterday bc I was busy having my own little pity party.

I can't tell you when it will happen, but I can tell you it will.

The only advice that I can give you is, don't symptom spot, you will find yourself in a very dark place if you do this to yourself every month and work hard to keep your sense of humor.

Laughter will get you through this; I promise.

I also had to read it several times before I could respond

 

[LancyLass]

Totally agree. We're on our 3rd month of TTC #1 and I already feel more relaxed about it than I did the 1st month. I'm now taking the view that it's going to take a while and to stop worrying about it. I found the temp taking stressful at first which didn't help, but got that down to a routine now. I have decided this month I'm just going to assume I'm not PG each month to try to stop obsessing over it while I wait for AF - we'll see how it goes!!

I'll probably be back in a few month's time moaning and worrying about it though!

I got the lovely news a few days ago that a friend who is 40 and had been TTC#1 for about a year is now pregnant with twins and has got past the 12 week stage. And she's had loads of gyno problems over the years too, so there is hope!

 

[sarahincanada]

I have decided this month I'm just going to assume I'm not PG each month to try to stop obsessing over it while I wait for AF - we'll see how it goes!!

thats what I do now, expect not to be pregnant so Im not crushed. then one of these months I will be ecstatic!!

I got the lovely news a few days ago that a friend who is 40 and had been TTC#1 for about a year is now pregnant with twins and has got past the 12 week stage. And she's had loads of gyno problems over the years too, so there is hope!

where the twins natural or had she gone on clomid or something else?

 

[Elodie]

Wow - thanks so much everyone, that has all definitely helped!
I did spend the evening after I posted feeling very sorry for myself indeed, then when AF came the next day, I was almost glad because at least I knew the answer and didn't have to drive myself nuts about it!
I'm going to try not to obsess. Just going to do BD a LOT and see what happens. I don't think I will test early again (as I don't 'believe' the results and it's costing me a fortune!) and will wait for AF to arrive. I'm going to try not to symptom spot, am sure that the mind messes with all this stuff quite a lot.
Thank you all so much for the support. I'm really glad I found this forum.
xxx

 

[velo]

I often get sore boobs after ovulation. Its because of progesterone. It may be that you've had them before but you are more aware this month now that you are looking for signs. Keep in mind that while a small minority of women intuitively "know" they are pregnant, you won't get any objective symptoms until after implantation occurs, which is usually around 7 dpo. Many women have no symptoms before their missed period. Oh and if you are going to be an obsessive tester, look for internet cheapies!! The results are as accurate and they are so much cheaper. So many things can seem different from one cycle to the next so don't take anything as a symptom. Wait for your missed period, and test. That's the only way to know for sure.

 

[LancyLass]

I got the lovely news a few days ago that a friend who is 40 and had been TTC#1 for about a year is now pregnant with twins and has got past the 12 week stage. And she's had loads of gyno problems over the years too, so there is hope!

where the twins natural or had she gone on clomid or something else?

Not sure, I haven't seen her for a while as we live at opposite ends of the country now, but I intend to ask next time I see her and can have a good old girlie chat about it all! It's likely she was on something because she'd had all sorts of gynae probs. But her announcement email said the twins were unexpected, so maybe it was natural. Apparently the likelihood of twins increases the older you get, so maybe it was.

Perfect solution I reckon, you get an instant family without having to worry about getting too old to try for a 2nd! I'm just keeping my fingers crossed for her for the next few months.

Anyway, apols to the OP, I've gone off the original topic a bit here! But hope it gives everyone hope. It has for me.

 

[Butterfly67]

I've also had MAJOR pregnancy symptoms every month of ttcing (albeit only 3 so far) which I have never had before so I get where you are coming from! Last month I was much more chilled although I had more symptoms and was still gutted when the showed her face but I do feel that it is getting easier and I now feel that I need to extend my deadline that I had previously and give it a bit more time.

 

[dachsundmom]

I've also had MAJOR pregnancy symptoms every month of ttcing (albeit only 3 so far) which I have never had before so I get where you are coming from! Last month I was much more chilled although I had more symptoms and was still gutted when the showed her face but I do feel that it is getting easier and I now feel that I need to extend my deadline that I had previously and give it a bit more time.

 

[Junebug_CJ]

Symptom spotting is evil.

Your mind can be evil.

My mind actually made me feel nauseous with morning sickness and actual vomiting at 12DPO last month. As I said, your mind is EVIL! The more you learn to NOT symptom spot, the less difficult this will be

I'm one of the few who got pregnant the first month I tried at age 36, so I was *expecting* the same luck this time around. I'm now seeing that it most likely will NOT be that easy for baby #2.

 

[onmymind17]

Oh hon please dont let it get to you THIS early, and DO NOT symptom spot, i swear your body and mind will try to make you nuts!!! I have been pg 4 times, and i can tell you that not one of them was the same with symptoms, as a matter of fact the one that went the longest (9 weeks) i had not ONE symptom the whole time, no nothing, so much so that the week before the pg test i thought for SURE it did not work, only to be shocked with a positive test. I have been at this for a VERY long time, 3 years now, i remember the excitement when you first started, the wonder of when you DTD the first time trying to get pg you giggle lol. It can be a long hard road, hopefully you will see your bfp very soon, but please dont get down or stressed, it really makes it so much worse, you just enjoy being with your DH!!