TTC Pressure

[Taheerah]

Hi all,

This is my first time on a forum as this one, but I just felt that I had to share my experience as I am hoping to get some advise regarding my situation.

I am a 35 years old woman and I am married since 3 years. Approximately 6 months ago me and my dh have decided to try for a baby.

The issues I am facing is that with my husbands busy schedule due to ongoing business travels, it is not always easy to time being intimate at the right time. Since I have started using an ovulation kit a few months back it has become like a chore and we never have sex more than 2-3 times during my ovulation week. I had "the smiley face" for two days in a row but we managed to have sex only once. I am trying really hard with buying new laundry, etc. however my husband finds that it is too much pressure and he retreats. I took an entire week off from work to be relaxed and ready but we ended up making love only twice during the whole week so far.

I am seriously on my wits end as I have heard on many occasions to just let it happen and relax about it but I feel that if I don't focus on it and make an effort he won't do it and it will all drag on for a very long time.

I must add that my dh always wanted children and he keeps talking about it but when it comes to the action he doesn't make an effort.

As usual I am hoping that this month I would have conceived but I am anxious about the fact that again it might have not worked out.

I would love some advise on how you ladies would deal with a situation like this.

 

[happycupcake]

Are you telling him when you're most fertile? If so, I wouldn't. As much as he wants children and loves you, if he's aware that it's that time then it can feel as if he has to rather than you both having sex because you want to. I know from your perspective you have to plan things carefully, but he doesn't have to know about it if he's one of these people who feels pressure easily.
Maybe surprise him instead and make it out to be more spontaneous than it actually is. To you obviously it won't be, but he may respond more if he thinks it is.
Try things like massage if he enjoys it, dress up if it's your thing, take baths together with candles, set the mood, seduce him. Men love to be seduced, there's nothing more erotic to most men, I would have thought anyway, than their partner showing them they want them in that way simply because they do, for pleasure, for closeness, rather than solely to conceive.
My husband loves it when I just take control, undress him and have him right there in the moment. Men generally love spontaneity. I think this is key to getting them in the right mood because they don't look at it as a mission then, they're just taken by the moment and go with it

 

[Taheerah]

Thanks for the advise Happycupcake. You are right. I think I overloaded him with the information regarding my fertility and topped up with ovulation sticks laying around I think he felt really pressured. (And so did I).
The moment I stopped pushing it he approached me again which is great.

In the future I will try not to mention the dates to him and follow your advise of setting the mood/

On another note, I keep reading mixed reviews when it comes to ovulation kits. Should we start making love once we get the smiley face or is it better to start beforehand? Also, if I feel like ovulating, is that too late?

I would appreciate your insights.

I really hope it will happen soon for us.

 

[happycupcake]

It's hard not to share information with your partner when you're ttc. It's exciting and stressful and naturally you want to share that with them. But men respond differently and I think they find it overwhelming because it isn't their body that is timing everything perfectly, it's yours.

I don't use the digital OPKs, I don't have any experience with them. I use the dipstick OPKs which I buy from Amazon for about £3-£5 for 20 or so of them. These are fine for me and many use them. The test line on these has to be as dark or darker than the control line for it to be positive and this can happen anywhere between the day of ovulation or up to three days before. To confuse things further your body can surge and show a positive but you may not ovulate. This won't happen to everyone of course, but this is another reason to temp at the same time.
I would just have as much sex as you can during your fertile week, focusing on the two days before you suspect you will ovulate (if you're temping or know your cycles then you hopefully have some idea of the time you typically ovulate), the day of suspected ovulation and the day after, if you can then try to have sex for a further couple of days if you're unsure when you ovulate usually. If you're temping and you see a clear increase the day after or up to a couple of days after a positive OPK then it's probable that you ovulated and can have a break from sex if you are both tired out lol

 

[Rosslyn]

You should definitely start BD when you have a positive OPK result at least. It doesn't hurt to BD sooner though. The sperm can live a few days waiting for the egg, so it can help.

 

[happycupcake]

Yes, as above too. Also if you're struggling with fertile cm then you could use a sperm friendly lubricant like Preseed or Conceive Plus

 

[Taheerah]

Thanks all for the advise, it really means a lot. I agree, it is hard not share as I am excited about it every month and I want him to know. I will try a different approach next time for sure. I felt so stressed out and so was he. Now that I let go a little things seem a bit more relaxed. I run out of ovulation sticks but I am guessing it should have happened today so now it is all about waiting and seeing if it worked out. I desperately need a break too, but of course I can't show it. hehe

 

[BabyBrain80]

I dont tell my oh either. Im trying to initiate bd throughout the whole month now and want to try and keep it regular. Its hard when we are both tired or have colds and we have 2 boys that exhaust us lol. Only problem with him not knowing is that last night he fell asleep on the sofa when I was very ready to bd got him this morning though
Good luck

 

[Taheerah]

Awwww. I totally understand. Glad you managed to do it this morning. I hope that it will work out. ��

I know exactly how it feels though when you are too tired. I think we just have to keep the goal in mind.

How soon do you usually have first symptoms? I am feeling some light twitching and cramps but it is so early that it could be wishful thinking only.

The last day of my fertile period should have been today. Do you think it's worth to try it again?

I really hope it will happen soon.

 

[happycupcake]

I think ideally it's worth it until you can confirm ovulation happened. But I usually stop the day after a positive OPK but this is because I usually ovulate on that day or the day after and I usually see a temp shift. Plus I become kind of lazy after and my sex drive disappears somewhat. Just do what you're happy with