TTC = public knowledge or a secret kept...?

[sumatwsimit]

Just wondering, with all our TTC efforts, who really knows what we are up to?

Hubby and I were discussing this last night over dinner and he asked me if I'd told anyone, I said no I want to keep it private and he was in agreement. At his workplace he was saying that a colleague was announcing 'it didn't work for him and his wife this month', I would be mortified if my hubby made our TTC days office gossip. So, so far only me, DH and you lot are in the know let's hope I don't bump into anyone I know on here (note mug shot for avatar). Sisters have been asking me...but I still fell uncomfortable talking about it and I just tell them I'll let them know when it happens...I just want to keep it private for now.

How about everyone else? You keeping mum about it or have you made sure close people, family or best mates are in the know?

 

[Macwooly]

DH & I stupidly mentioned it back in 2009 when we tried and every time we met friends or family of his they would ask and then somehow make me feel like a failure that I wasn't pregnant. So when we had a break we told people to get off our cases and children weren't in our future as we truly believed that then.

So this time round the lovely members of B&B know we're TTC and one of DH's friends who will be a godfather is suspicious but he is so discrete and trustworthy we know he won't say anything

And we've agreed when I get my BFP then apart from announcing it on this site we will only tell our mothers and swear them to secrecy and that is in case the worst happens as I will need my mum's support and I know DH wants his mum to know.

But my FIL is liable to tell people without thinking and we know my SILs couldn't keep a secret if their lives depended on it! To be honest BIL and my brothers will be happy for us but won't understand all the fuss so not telling them for a while won't be an issue.

Then once past 12 weeks and scans have been done we will decide who we tell them but once members of DH's family know it will become common knowledge immediately

I can understand how you would feel if your TTC became office gossip I would be mortified with DH if he was discussing out TTC with anyone other than me or our GP.

 

[Jax41]

Blimey around the office? Nooooo way pedro! My DH won't mention it to anyone seeing as he's NTNP while I'm TTC No-one at my work know's, just not comfy with that one but my Mum knows and my girlfriends who are all willing me on to be a mum so then can be 'honoury aunties'!!!!

 

[sumatwsimit]

DH & I stupidly mentioned it back in 2009 when we tried and every time we met friends or family of his they would ask and then somehow make me feel like a failure that I wasn't pregnant. So when we had a break we told people to get off our cases and children weren't in our future as we truly believed that then.

So this time round the lovely members of B&B know we're TTC and one of DH's friends who will be a godfather is suspicious but he is so discrete and trustworthy we know he won't say anything
.

Good for you telling them to get off your case and that you'd decided children were not going to be on the agenda. I think you do right by keeping it to yourselves this time. You know, that is exactly my fear too, I think that if I start to tell people then I'll feel the pressure is on every time someone asks me. I really don't want that. Plus, I have 3 sisters...all with children...whom all claim to have fallen pregnant on their first goes and that they are SUPER FERTILE!!! Bully for them, but sorry, having a child for me is not a competition and when and how many tries I take is not open for discussion. I am very close to my sisters and love them to bits but it is sad case that that is how I would feel discussing it with them.

 

[sumatwsimit]

Blimey around the office? Nooooo way pedro! My DH won't mention it to anyone seeing as he's NTNP while I'm TTC No-one at my work know's, just not comfy with that one but my Mum knows and my girlfriends who are all willing me on to be a mum so then can be 'honoury aunties'!!!!

Yeah, can you imagine. Apparently he had just come off the phone from speaking to his wife and openly said ( in an open office full of guys) that she'd just told me it didn't work for them this month. Shocking huh!

 

[Jax41]

Blimey around the office? Nooooo way pedro! My DH won't mention it to anyone seeing as he's NTNP while I'm TTC No-one at my work know's, just not comfy with that one but my Mum knows and my girlfriends who are all willing me on to be a mum so then can be 'honoury aunties'!!!!

Yeah, can you imagine. Apparently he had just come off the phone from speaking to his wife and openly said ( in an open office full of guys) that she'd just told me it didn't work for them this month. Shocking huh!

Bad man, his poor wife prob doesn't even know what he said!!!

Just read your other post sumat about your sisters being SUPER FERTILE and getting preg on their first go. I don't necessarily agree with people professing this, I reckon they just got lucky with the timingthat's all. You're right though, it's so sad that you feel this kind of pressure from your sisters and unable to talk to them - we'll be your TTC sisters insteadxXx

 

[sarahincanada]

we are self employed so dont have the office thing, but I havent told many people as I dont want everyone waiting along with me every month to see if it worked....that would be waaaaaayyyy more stressful than it already is. Just a couple of great friends and my sister know. Its harder to keep it a secret though as I am getting older, will be 39 this year. My mum has asked a few times and my MIL is dropping a couple of hints. I dont like lying so its hard to know what to say when they say something. I usually tell them Im waiting to lose some weight first, they know I have gained 30 pounds and want to lose it, so that usually stops them asking

 

[Cui]

We decided not to tell anyone. Which can be hard as my dad lives with us and he sees me leave early in the morning when I go to get US/BW done. Which can be several times a week.

It also makes it fun trying to intercept any mail that comes that might have some stupid baby clinic logo on it.(I HATE that they send mail with a stupid baby and the clinic name completely spelled out. I want to ask them to mail things to me in plain white envelopes.
At least when I order OPk's and Preg strips online they send them to me in an envelope with nothing on it that would give you any idea what it was.

It's not so much that I care that my dad knows as that I'm afraid he will slip up and tell my brother and SIL who I can't stand.
I get asked when we are going to have kids and I just say not yet.

 

[Indigo77]

My 2 sisters, brother, and BIL know, but that's about it...They know better than to constantly ask about it and are respectful of boundaries for the most part...My mother probably knows, but not from me...I think my FIL and MIL guessed when i left my job, but they have not heard it from us....My MIL kept making comments about us having family around for support for the first time, since they bought their home here....

 

[zehava]

a few friends know. well, that's how it started and that's how we wanted it. until one of those "friends" made it gossip. i told her in confidence, i made darn sure to say "please keep this to yourself", but she turned around an talked. and not just talked, but made it seem like the worst idea of all time. "she already has two kids who aren't with her, she shouldn't even think about having another." (my kids live with their dad. i've learned, the hard way, that in this day and age a lot of people still automatically assume something negative if the kids aren't with the mom after a break up).

so, really, i have no idea who knows and who doesn't anymore. :/

 

[Redclaire]

Fot the first few months of ttc we told nobody and just had fun with all the BD!!! But over the months as its moved from natural to medical i've told a few more people, sisters and friends cos i'm a chatterbox really and i like to talk out my worries!! The only people who have no idea in my circle are the girls at work. With them i blatently lie...say i'm too young to be a grown up with a baby etc!!!
My partner has told one friend who is ttc too, his wife had chemo and they are in the ivf process now after many months of other treatments. My Oh hasn't even told his grown up kids that we are trying, never mind doing iui. And i like that!! I don't want to 'ask permission' know what i mean?? Ok say one of his kids is mad that he's starting a 2nd family???? That it would change his feelings about our ttc?? I've asked him to only tell them when i'm 12wks (whenever that might be!!) so that its a fait accompli !!

 

[Shelley71]

My close friends at work know, and one other of my friends. OH doesn't talk about these kinds of things, so I know he hasn't said anything. Our families do not know, and I think we both want to keep it that way. Especially since it looks like we will have trouble. We don't get any pressure though.

Well, except from my grandmother who thinks we are going to get married and then have kids. She's going to freak when I finally tell her we do not want to get married. Ugh, I dread that convo! LOL

 

[Indigo77]

Why don't u want to get married? Just curious...

 

[Shelley71]

We just don't see any need for it. All it does is change my last name, really. Our life together wouldn't be any different other than that.

 

[Indigo77]

We just don't see any need for it. All it does is change my last name, really. Our life together wouldn't be any different other than that.

Yeah, i didn't see the point, either.....but it was important to my hubby...so we did....we were together 9 years before actually getting married...i did not bother changing my name....seemed like a PITA, but if we have a kid, he wants me to consider it....

 

[Indigo77]

I definitely think it's smarter not to tell anyone....but my siblings actually asked....and i did not want to lie about it....

 

[Shelley71]

Yeah, the ONLY thing about it that we will have to figure out is our child's last name. I do NOT want to have a different last name than my kid, but I know he'll want him/her to have his last name. Our only option really is to hyphenate his/her name, which I'm totally fine with.

 

[NorthStar]

Have told one of my oldest friends who is also 35+TTC, accidentally blabbed to my bestie that we were considering it and she was soooo negative about it (she had her first baby last year, rushed into it before they were emtionally/financially ready and has been a bit up and down since).

So I feel like I can't talk to her now about it as for my parents I don't want to get their grandchild hopes up before I know if it's a possibility, and everyone else it's none of their business.

My OH's family are all super fertile and got knocked up in their teens/twenties accidentally, I don't expect them to really understand, and I'm not willing to talk about this private kind of stuff with them.

My BnB pals though - you ladies are the best, it is a great support network - I don't need anyone else.

 

[future_numan]

Secret for us

 

[cebethel]

Sometimes I want to tell everyone..........just because I am sick of hearing all the time from my MIL how DH & I are not to have any other children