TTC = public knowledge or a secret kept...?

[Jodes2011]

You know what i'm so glad i'm on this forum and talking to you lovely ladies. x

 

[purplelou]

we are keeping TTC pretty much secret - although I have a feeling our next door neighbours probably know, since our bed seems to have developed a definite squeak since we started this.

 

[Miss_C]

as for telling families and friends - I say why not tell them, surely the more suport the better and as for waiting until you are 12 weeks along before announcing a pregnancy I say bollox to that!! Why should it be kept secret until in the "safe" zone, so no-one else has to deal with your loss? Having been there done that I am feet firmly planted in the tell people and share it camp. The more people are open and sharing about ttc and loss etc etc the less it will be a taboo subject and I think the more sensitive people will be to others and the whole list of crappy responses like it'll happen when you relax or it just wasn't mean to be etc etc will disappear, people think they are saying the right thing but have NO IDEA cos they simply don't know. It needs to be out there why should it all be so secret squirrell?

 

[Suki73]

I've told my mum and a couple of close friends that we're "thinking about getting pregnant". The problem is I'm a blabbermouth and tend to share anything I'm going through with close people (I'm not indiscreet though!). So it's hard for me to keep stumm and say nothing if I'm very preoccupied with something. My mum is interested and pleased and actually very reassuring as she did the whole chart thing herself during her fertile years and has lots of good advice. It's useful to know things about your 'reproductive heredity' too, I think; like the other day my mum reassured me that she never had classic 28 day cycles but varied between 29-35 days her whole life.

My family and friends are extremely discreet though, and I only tell them because I trust them to keep their mouths shut!!

I think I'd have more difficulty if we got a BFP. My instinct would be to blab in excitement, but I would be cautious given my age so we'd probably keep it to ourselves for as long as possible, i.e. 3 or 4 months. I would tell my mother though, as I generally tell her everything.

 

[Jodes2011]

I wonder how many ladies we know are on this website? x

 

[Macwooly]

Until a few days ago I would have said I don't know any but got my friend to join who has just told me she's pregnant with #1 after 23 months of TTC She didn't know I was TTC again and it felt so fab to be able to tell her but that's it now

 

[purplelou]

there are a few ladies from my general area on this site, although I don't know them in RL - it's possible we might meet. somehow with you ladies knowing - it's different. I don't want to 'disappoint out familes' if it doesn't happen plus - I have a bit of a secret dream to get all our parents together and tell them they're going to be grandparents.

 

[NorthStar]

On one hand I totally agree with what Miss_C is saying, in that why are we all worrying so much about other people's feelings and what they think about us TTC.

On the other hand, like purplelou, I wouldn't want to disappoint family members who would really like to see us have a baby.

And another part of me would be MORTIFIED at public announcing that I'm having sex with my OH! LOL how stupid is that?

 

[Macwooly]

When DH and I were TTC in 2009 we told people and the pressure was immense and I couldn't cope with it. With the exception of my friend who is now pregnant and my mum the first question from everyone else was "well any news about babies yet" or if they didn't ask they would keep giving us strange looks and trying to look at my belly and I just found it all too invasive

That's why this time it's my friend and you ladies on here who know although we suspect my mum has an idea as does one of DH's close friends who has become like a brother to us.

The main reason for not telling DH's family and many of his friends is they are all gossipers My MIL loves to say "I'm not supposed to tell you this but ......" and has been told not to mention miscarriages 2 of her nieces have had but has then told everyone

 

[Jodes2011]

When DH and I were TTC in 2009 we told people and the pressure was immense and I couldn't cope with it. With the exception of my friend who is now pregnant and my mum the first question from everyone else was "well any news about babies yet" or if they didn't ask they would keep giving us strange looks and trying to look at my belly and I just found it all too invasive

That's why this time it's my friend and you ladies on here who know although we suspect my mum has an idea as does one of DH's close friends who has become like a brother to us.

The main reason for not telling DH's family and many of his friends is they are all gossipers My MIL loves to say "I'm not supposed to tell you this but ......" and has been told not to mention miscarriages 2 of her nieces have had but has then told everyone

I completely agree with you Macwooly you speak a lot of sense.

 

[Jodes2011]

Until a few days ago I would have said I don't know any but got my friend to join who has just told me she's pregnant with #1 after 23 months of TTC She didn't know I was TTC again and it felt so fab to be able to tell her but that's it now

Fantastic news about your friend getting pregnant that has made my day

 

[Jodes2011]

as for telling families and friends - I say why not tell them, surely the more suport the better and as for waiting until you are 12 weeks along before announcing a pregnancy I say bollox to that!! Why should it be kept secret until in the "safe" zone, so no-one else has to deal with your loss? Having been there done that I am feet firmly planted in the tell people and share it camp. The more people are open and sharing about ttc and loss etc etc the less it will be a taboo subject and I think the more sensitive people will be to others and the whole list of crappy responses like it'll happen when you relax or it just wasn't mean to be etc etc will disappear, people think they are saying the right thing but have NO IDEA cos they simply don't know. It needs to be out there why should it all be so secret squirrell?

I totally know where your coming from here but for some of us it isn't that easy. If any of my family knew we were TTC they would just give us grief and then i would flip which isn't good for baby and me. And if i do happen to miscarry again i don't want the 'i told you so's'

 

[Suki73]

Macwooly - "I'm not supposed to tell you this, but..." - that's classic!!!

I can totally understand your not saying anything in that case. It's a very private thing, and very emotionally fraught if ttc is difficult. As far as I'm concerned, a pg only becomes 'public property' once it's visible. Would you MIL be offended if she found out you were keeping it from her? Some MIL's are so intrusive!

 

[Macwooly]

Until a few days ago I would have said I don't know any but got my friend to join who has just told me she's pregnant with #1 after 23 months of TTC She didn't know I was TTC again and it felt so fab to be able to tell her but that's it now

Fantastic news about your friend getting pregnant that has made my day

Her and her DH had tried for 23 months with some fertility issues and it was a week or so before they were supposed to have an appointment for IVF that she got her BFP This is her first and if I never get a BFP I'm living vicariously through her and her baby if she lets me

 

[Macwooly]

Macwooly - "I'm not supposed to tell you this, but..." - that's classic!!!

I can totally understand your not saying anything in that case. It's a very private thing, and very emotionally fraught if ttc is difficult. As far as I'm concerned, a pg only becomes 'public property' once it's visible. Would you MIL be offended if she found out you were keeping it from her? Some MIL's are so intrusive!

At one time she would have been upset I had kept it from her but I think she would be ok. She has struggled with me as I can be an extremely private person and if I feel like someone is trying to be intrusive I shut down totally with them. But she will be told before it becomes general knowledge to all.

Much as my DH loves his mum to bits he admits that it would be cruel to tell her a secret such as we're TTC or I'm pregnant but then say she can't say anything as his words "she would turn bright red and her head would explode from trying to keep the secret in"

I know that if I was to suffer a miscarriage I would only turn to the few people we know or suspect know we are TTC already. My in laws (with an exception) are sweet people but they are not people I would turn to myself in a trauma. DH has said he wouldn't want to speak to them and has a few good friends he would turn to if he felt he needed to in such a situation.

I think TTC is such an individual matter and each of us will handle things differently based on our personality.

I can understand it is good to have a support group if things go wrong on this journey but I find all you lovely ladies on B&B are an excellent support for me and quite enough of a support for me along with the 2-3 people who know we're TTC

 

[73pink]

Hello

I wont be telling anyone that we are TTC or even that we want another child (which is why I am on here, I just have to talk about it to someone!!!!). I am a very private person as is my OH.

I dont know if I would tell anyone if we are lucky enough to get pregnant. I told people at 8 weeks with my LO after having a scan. I do regret that now.

 

[Macwooly]

Hello

I wont be telling anyone that we are TTC or even that we want another child (which is why I am on here, I just have to talk about it to someone!!!!). I am a very private person as is my OH.

I dont know if I would tell anyone if we are lucky enough to get pregnant. I told people at 8 weeks with my LO after having a scan. I do regret that now.

You have to do what feels right for you and your OH

 

[sumatwsimit]

Just wondering, with all our TTC efforts, who really knows what we are up to?

Hubby and I were discussing this last night over dinner and he asked me if I'd told anyone, I said no I want to keep it private and he was in agreement. At his workplace he was saying that a colleague was announcing 'it didn't work for him and his wife this month', I would be mortified if my hubby made our TTC days office gossip. So, so far only me, DH and you lot are in the know let's hope I don't bump into anyone I know on here (note mug shot for avatar). Sisters have been asking me...but I still fell uncomfortable talking about it and I just tell them I'll let them know when it happens...I just want to keep it private for now.

How about everyone else? You keeping mum about it or have you made sure close people, family or best mates are in the know?

Hey Nat i've not told no one apart from my DH haha! I won't tell anyone until i'm showing because all i will get is grief from DH's sisters. They all think that 4 children is enough! I get lectured on where can you find space for another child? and what about uni? etc ect ....... i know they have a point but we provide really well for the children we've got and they never go without. Not saying their spoilt either. I'm going to bug you now any symptoms so far? haha!! J xxxx

Hey, i see you're blessed with bitchy sisters in law...me too. unfortunately for me she speaks perfect english which is a pain in the ass...she never shuts up!your sils, its none of their business so you're right to keep them in the dark. i was one of 4 girls, in fact my mum prob would have gone on and had more. and like you, my mum devoted her time for us kids and i feel very thankful for that. we were never short of anything and i wouldn't swap growing up in a large family for anything. i think kids learn so much more when they have siblings. bugga what your rellies think. well, im starting at ttc1 but in fact i'd love a crew like you! the more life and noise in a house is better i think

SYMPTOMS? are you asking about symptoms already? thats a no no question. it's banned on here, ask macwooly! I think it's still too early for me to have any sympt. But now you've mentioned it, how r u feeling today?

Looks like you'll be pregnant for the next 5 years then

well i can't let you know what my symptoms are otherwise i'll get beaten up by the viking x

Haha! i best get busy then :hahaha! a crew would be perfect but if it's down to dh's ball crunching choice of pants he bought only yesterday, we'll be lucky if we get someone even to scrub the decks!

went shopping yesterday. came back laden with bags....he started sorting his and pulled out what i can only describe as seriously, professional 'budgie smugglers!', i freaked out and said why did you buy kid's sized pants...you know we are trying to conceive!?! .... in his defence, it was an accident in the end, after he had changed his mind on the colour (colour being very imortant to him...) he picked up the wrong size. i've told him he is banned from even attempting to stretch them out to wear. we need to keep those babies cool and unrestricted right!?!

 

[sumatwsimit]

On one hand I totally agree with what Miss_C is saying, in that why are we all worrying so much about other people's feelings and what they think about us TTC.

On the other hand, like purplelou, I wouldn't want to disappoint family members who would really like to see us have a baby.

And another part of me would be MORTIFIED at public announcing that I'm having sex with my OH! LOL how stupid is that?

that is so funny. yeah, i feel the same. announcing to say my parents or other peeps we are ttc is like telling them we are having lots of sex!!! how embarrassing huh!

 

[NorthStar]

On one hand I totally agree with what Miss_C is saying, in that why are we all worrying so much about other people's feelings and what they think about us TTC.

On the other hand, like purplelou, I wouldn't want to disappoint family members who would really like to see us have a baby.

And another part of me would be MORTIFIED at public announcing that I'm having sex with my OH! LOL how stupid is that?

that is so funny. yeah, i feel the same. announcing to say my parents or other peeps we are ttc is like telling them we are having lots of sex!!! how embarrassing huh!

Exactly, I could curl up and die at the thought of it