ttc with older DH and irregular BD - sorry 4 long post but please read

[trying4Pnut2]

Hi everyone

Im new here and ttc my 2nd. I really need help/advice so please hear me out. Im 30 and DH 45. DS is 10. Been off BC for 18 months now. We were more NTNP rather than TTC. A few weeks ago I had this sudden realisation that Im 30 and my clock is ticking but not as much as my DH's clock! Now Im really ttc. DH is not really worried about a 2nd child, he says he is happy either way, so I cant really vent to him. My problem is that DH has low libido and is happy to have sex once every 2 weeks. I dont want to tell him that we have to do it a certain time as Im scared to put to much pressure on him as he gets exhausted during sex and sometimes cannot ejaculate (TMI but it is a bit of a problem, then). Ive read that regular bd is important like every 2nd day because older sperm (older than 3days) is possibly dead or weak sperm, not sure if there is any truth in that, though. I have asked him if he would be prepared to see a fertility specialist if we have to but he is dead against it and thinks Im having a go at him. Im so scared that we wont have a 2nd child and it is really deppressing me. My cycle varies between 28-32 days. I always thought that i ovulated on cd14 because thats when I get very intense and painful ovulation pain. Now Im not sure because my cycle isnt always 28 but more like 30-31 days rather. I think maybe Im getting the opains before actual ovulation, like 2 days before ovulation. This past cycle we bd cd12 which now seems it was early because my cycle turned out to be 32 days! I was so sad when af came (i thought it was late and I felt pg) that I cried the whole of yesterday non stop. Im so sad and I cannot speak to DH because its not a big deal to him.

Is there anyone with a similar situation - irregular sex and older husband?

 

[RainbowDrop_x]

Welcome to BnB

 

[Northsparkle]

Hi I'm new here too and your situation with your DH sounds very much like mine. I am 34 and he is 43 and is also not that bothered about sex. He has a very physical job too so is often too tired and just wants cuddles which has me tearing my hair out at times! If I just ask him outright he rarely refuses but it often comes to nothing as he just gives up half way through and tells me it's not a reflection on my and that he is just tired! So I totally feel your frustration😕
We have 3 children so I guess I should be grateful bug have always wanted one more and it feels like it will be impossible. With the others I just woke him up really early as it seems much easier for him then but that's kind of hard these days with 3 little ones up at the crack of dawn!
Hope things work out for you, it's reassuring to know that it's not just my DH who doesn't want to be at all the time! I know it can be heart breaking sometimes 😥
Good luck with ttc and if you can track your ovulation accurately then it only takes once 😊

 

[Yo_Yo]

I'd use ovulation test strips and when your near to ovulating, time sex as near to ovulation as possible-this should give you a good chance of conceiving with someone with low libido.

Welcome and good luck.

 

[lhancock90]

Welcome to BnB :wave:

 

[cookette]

Welcome! Maybe start temping so you have a better idea of your cycle? Mine ranges 29 to 36 days at times and if I didn't temp is have no clue. And like a PP said, ovulation strips would give you a heads up

 

[Tmb0047]

Yes, yes, invest is ovulation strips! Then when you get a + you have 12 to 36 hours before you will ovulate and you should be able to jump DH with better timing. GL!

 

[mmMlm]

Agree with the other posters, chart and make sure you are timing BD for a day when you have good CM.

My DH started drinking ViriliTea, it is making a difference for him (must be the Horny Goat Weed )
https://www.makeababy.ca/virilitea-a-male-fertility-tea.html

 

[trying4Pnut2]

Thanks for all the feedback, especially *Northsparkle*, reassuring to know that Im not alone xxx

I get painful ovulation around day 14 and always thought thats me ovulating so BD day 12 but stupidly didnt realise my cycle is not always 28 days so I definitely wouldnt be ovulating on day 14 every cycle but more like day 17 or 18 (28-32 day cycle) This month I invested in the Clearblue ovulation predictor (2 of them), it was pricey but worth it I think. I have also started taking the Vitabiotics PregnaCare Conception supplements this month.

Hope I get lucky soon and baby dust to you all

xxx

 

[undine]

We are in very similar situations. I'm 30 and my husband is 42. I feel my clock ticking but mostly his. We have a daughter who is 7 and we hadn't thought about trying for another because things were hectic with our jobs and he was gone a lot for work. I had a realization that I couldn't imagine being an old lady one day with only one child at my bedside when I am old and frail. I come from a large family. Well my husband is very hot then cold about trying. Now he wants to try again but I'm afraid if/when AF comes he will give up again. We dtd once a week and that's it. He doesn't enjoy sex when we are ttc because it's stressful and disappointing when AF comes. I bought ovulation kits and fertilecm and boost supplements for him. I also got the at home spermcheck test to see if things are good on his end. I am hoping to pinpoint when I ovulate because my periods have been irregular since being on and off NOr-QD. It's so nice to know I'm not alone.

 

[trying4Pnut2]

Its as if I could have written your post myself! Feel the exact same way as you. I have never pictured myself with only 1 child but I just dont know where all the time went. Throughout my 20s it was just not something I ever really thought too much about. Now Im 30 and just realised that if it doesnt happen now then its probably not ever going to happen. DH is happy with 1 child but if I ask him about a 2nd one then he says that he also wants another but he doesnt really want to talk a lot about it and he also doesnt like to plan intercourse. He was the one to suggest I go off BC 18 months ago and in the past when Ive had a BFN he was disappointed. He has always said in the past that he would love a little girl. So I have taken it upon myself to make it happen hopefully by gettig a OPK, pregnacare conception vitamin and Preseed (heard good things about it). Hopefully the next time we are intimate its during my fertile period. Currently on CD6 now.

Good luck to you, sending you loads of baby dust

x

 

[undine]

Trying4Pnut2,
I always assumed I had 28 days too but the past 4 month have been irregular. Just wondering, did you get AF yet this month yet? I did end up getting my AF early but I am excited to get my ovulation strips and start charting and pin pointing everything.

 

[trying4Pnut2]

Already had AF. Was so down when she arrives that I cried the whole day. Im on CD11 now so Im going to start testing with the Clearblue fertility this afternoon. If my cycle is 28 days then I should br ovulating in another 3 days or so. I also got preseed this month. Only thing Im worried about is that we havent been intimate for over 2 weeks now and I've read that not ejaculating on a regular basis produces weak sperm?

I really hope its our month »»»

 

[trying4Pnut2]

I went out and stocked up on loads of thingies. 2 clearblue ovulation predictors (so I have 14 strips lol), prenatal vitamins, preseed. I read that evening primrose oil is good too but its too late for me to start with it now. i dont think i produce enough EWCM because i never notice it (sorry tmi). Also trying to cut out caffeine, havent drank any coffee for 2 weeks, no alcohol either. I dont smoke and Im not overweight.

 

[mmMlm]

Hi pnut did you get any BD or ov yet?

 

[ft108]

This reminds me of my situation, though my partner is a lot older than any of the age gaps mentioned already in this thread. He has just turned 50 and I'm 24. He has 2 children from a previous relationship who live with their mum, and we are ttc our first child together. We tend to dtd every Saturday and Sunday morning as he is tired during the week after work but since I've started ttc I've realized it really has to be more often that this if I want to increase chances of getting pregnant. I have started charting my bbt and I have been doing opks (cheap ones off Amazon so I can do 2 a day!) so I can pinpoint my lh surge and thus know I will be fertile that day and maybe a day or so afterwards. Then basically I 'coerce' him into sex - so far I haven't mentioned it's because I'm likely very fertile at that time as I don't want to make it into some kind of chore for him (so he just thinks I'm extra horny - sorry if tmi! lol), but I think that if he declines too often I will have to point out to him that we're not going to get pregnant unless we have sex when I'm fertile and unfortunately I can't make my body nicely regulate that to be at weekends!
But yeah, my only advice would be is to make sure you know when your fertile times during your cycle are so that even if you can't have sex as often as ideal for ttc, you are at least doing the best you can given the circumstances. Best of luck x

 

[trying4Pnut2]

mm

Here is what has happpened...

CD11 I tested with Clearblue digital ovulation tester and I got a negative but we dtd
CD12 tested at 13h15 and i got a smiley face, thought it was early because I get cycles of approx 30 days lately but I always get opains on day 14 (Do you think that I could ovulate on day 14 even if my cycle is longer than 28 days?) I also went and tested on the same day at 5pm and 11pm but it showed negative then. (is that normal?) We bd that evening and I used preseed as well
CD13 I tested again at 13H30 and I got another smiley face. I dont know whether dh will want to bd again tonight. Do you think its safe to wait till tomorrow cd14 to bd? will i still be fertile then ? Also is it wise to bd every evening, is sperm still enough? Sorry tmi

Also dont get much cm thats why i tried preseed.

Hope its my month this one.....

 

[mmMlm]

Well it's great news that you got in 2!!! well timed BD Yes every day or every other day is OK according to the latest news.
Tonight should be fine, depending on how fast after your smiley you actually ovulate - for me it is just a few hours, but for most it is the next day.
The test result can definitely change really fast, yes its normal, my surge is super short and I have about a 2 hour window to test in and get a positive, otherwise I miss it! I am using preseed too.
Good luck this cycle, all sounds promising so far