TTC with painful intercourse

[PetiteLapin]

I am 26 and have had extremely painful periods for most of my adult life. In addition to really intense cramps I also have back, thigh, and knee pain, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, dizziness. I've been treated with everything from prescription pain meds to birth control pills, the latter no longer being an option for obvious reasons.

I recently brought up some of my symptoms to my new obgyn and had a transvaginal ultrasound which found a cyst on one of my ovaries (an average looking cyst, she wasn't too concerned but I have a follow up in a few months). We also talked about the possibility of endometriosis but she doesn't want to do any other more invasive testing (biopsy or HSG) until we've been actively TTC for 6-8 months.

However one of my symptoms is painful intercourse, so as much as I want to start trying ASAP it's so difficult to have to schedule our intimacy. The pain ranges from (if I'm in the mood) somewhat enjoyable with minor discomfort/tightness to (if I'm not quite there) very painful. And is almost always followed by cramping. It's not just a matter of lubrication, I have pain with other forms of penetration too (tampons, pelvic exams, etc). It has been like this for probably five or six of the eight years my husband and I have been together.

As of right now we've been just playing it by ear. We stopped using protection after we got married in September, but because of my difficulties we only have sex a few times a month if that. And of course the more I obsess about it and the more I fear being in pain the harder it us to relax during which only exacerbates the issue.

I feel so ashamed that my body refuses to let me do something that should be so natural, my husband is really supportive, and I try not to be too hard on myself, but sometimes I just feel so inadequate as a wife/woman.

If anyone has any tips to lessen the pain or even just similar experiences to share it would be great to hear that I'm not the only one going through it.

 

[Beanonorder]

I am not in exactly the same position but I definitely identify with what you say about feeling inadequate and ashamed that your body isn't doing the right thing! I have a problem with sufficient lubrication and sometimes its soul destroying. I hate the fact that we always have to reach for the lube otherwise I end up in pain. And of course I anticipate the pain which just makes it worse. I didn't know that the pill can cause this problem and I have a feeling that is what started it. I've been on it for so long. When I came off it the first time I can't say I really noticed a difference but I fell pregnant pretty quickly. I am hoping that once we have number 2 dh will get the snip so I can stay off it.

Does lube help at all for you? I find that when I remind myself to focus on enjoying the intimacy with dh and not the actually deed I can relax a bit and then I don't focus on the pain. But its hard and takes practice!

Sorry I can't give any real advice but you are not alone!

 

[Lirpa11]

I know when I was on the pill and after ovulation I can be quite dry which makes DTD unpleasant. I've noticed a big difference since coming off the pill in August though.

Also, i know some lubes weren't very effective, but since TTC I have tried the conceive friendly lubes and they are quite good. Have you tried them?

You could always put a towel down and try to use extra lube?

Good luck

 

[PetiteLapin]

It definitely started when I was on the pill, but I haven't been on hormonal bc for years. I stopped taking it after college because there were a few years that I didn't have insurance. But it's more than just dryness, it's like the muscles get too tight for comfortable penetration if I'm not relaxed enough.

We have tried a lot of different lubes, but I haven't used any of the TTC ones. I actually just remembered seeing those in the pharmacy now that you mention it, so thank you for reminding me! I'll definitely pick some up and try it!

 

[sethsmummy]

hey hun i have been in the exact same position as you are now.. and infact still am if i am not in the mood for sex. Mine started after DS1 was born though. I was also told (After an ultrasound) i have a cyst on my left ovary, I struggle with CM (lubrication) and need a lot of help. I can so relate with how much it gets you down and its not nice thinking you have to have sex when its going to be painful. I have cried on a few occasions when we were TTC DS2 due to how painful it was.

mine has gotten better over time. Extra lube has also majorly helped us. we use a ttc friendly lube. My Obgyn had told me to use different sizes dildos.. sorry i know some people find mention of these things crude etc but what i was told to do was start with a very small one and place it in (obviously when your relaxed) and let yourself stretch around it.. once it is no longer painful to do this one then you move up in size. Its a long process but she said it would work. I couldnt try it though as at the time we lived with my sister and had no privacy whatsoever.

Position also makes things better or worse. We tend to stick to "doggy" style because i can move and get more comfortable. xx

 

[pandi77]

I had this exact issue in my early 20's and it had nothing to do with lube or anything anatomical per se. I had extremely painful periods with cramping and total body pain that left me in a heap on the floor screaming some months...it was debilitating. It turns out I had major hormonal imbalances that were leading to endometriosis as well as ovarian cyst. The scar tissue from endo had attached to various parts of my anatomy causing pain anywhere from vaginal intercourse to bowel movements. Of course as most doctors do they put me on bc instead of addressing the root cause of my issue which helped a little but I still had painful periods and sex was not what it should be!

You may want to start reviewing some of the products that the women on these boards use to balance hormones and see if they help you. Some work better than others depending on the woman-maca, dong quai, vitex, progesterone cream, etc. I tried them all and found vitex and progesterone cream to work the best for me. Vitex is widely used in other countries to treat painful periods and is the most popular remedy in Germany where I first heard about it. I remember being on day two of AF the second cycle on it and not being in pain...then day 3 and 4 came and no heavy bleeding or pain. DH came in and I was crying so he went to grab the heating pad and heavy duty drugs and I explained I was crying because I wasn't in pain for the first time in many years. My scar tissue from the endo started to recede and sex became pain free.

If you have tried all these things and are still in pain you may want to consider IUI just for the purpose of getting pregnant. It is elective and so you should be able to try it whenever you are ready. It is a very small tube and so shouldn't hurt as it isn't big at all. Also the sperm are sent directly where they need to go for the best chance at fertilizing the egg. Just a thought hun....best of luck!

 

[hanni]

My situation is a bit different to yours but I also experience pain during intercourse so this may or may not help. I'm sorry in advanced for it being far tmi.
When my OH and I have sex I tend to get sore and swell up which takes 4/5 days to go down. Which obviously makes BD'ing regularly around my fertile time extremely difficult difficult. To overcome this instead of having full intercourse we just play around until he's about to finish and then at the last second we have penetrative sex. It means I don't get overly sore and for what pain I do experience for that minute or so is bareable for that short time. Then after the fertile period we go back to having normal intercourse.

I don't know if this will help at all. Xx

 

[Myshelsong]

Although I don't have these symptoms I have heard of endometriosis causing this. if your doctor will not test for this yet I suggest looking up a endometria diet. Is this will give you a guide of foods to avoid that cause inflammation. My aunt has endometriosis and has had great success easing her symptoms and inflamed uterus.

 

[LadyAphrodity]

I had the very same problem I can fully relate. After having a traumatic experience last year when my husband got back from basic training it hurt majorly to have sex. After 6-8 months crying and freaking out I finally found a dr that talked to me. He gave me muscle relaxors to take 30 min before having sex and that helped some but after a long time of pain it was mentally hard to let go and not anticipate the pain which caused me to tighten up and make it worse. Finally after a month of mentally just letting go and with the help of the muscle relaxors I'm finally pain free with no medication . My dr also told me about the dildo thing there are actual things you can buy that are small and they go up in sizes to help with just this. I dunno if any of this will help but if you have a strong mind it really is mind over matter you can almost think yourself into relaxing and not being in pain. I hope you get it figured out maybe talk to your dr about muscle relaxors! They were a huge relief!

 

[PetiteLapin]

hey hun i have been in the exact same position as you are now.. and infact still am if i am not in the mood for sex. Mine started after DS1 was born though. I was also told (After an ultrasound) i have a cyst on my left ovary, I struggle with CM (lubrication) and need a lot of help. I can so relate with how much it gets you down and its not nice thinking you have to have sex when its going to be painful. I have cried on a few occasions when we were TTC DS2 due to how painful it was.

mine has gotten better over time. Extra lube has also majorly helped us. we use a ttc friendly lube. My Obgyn had told me to use different sizes dildos.. sorry i know some people find mention of these things crude etc but what i was told to do was start with a very small one and place it in (obviously when your relaxed) and let yourself stretch around it.. once it is no longer painful to do this one then you move up in size. Its a long process but she said it would work. I couldnt try it though as at the time we lived with my sister and had no privacy whatsoever.

Position also makes things better or worse. We tend to stick to "doggy" style because i can move and get more comfortable. xx

Thank you! I have heard about the different sized dildos or dilators to help stretch things out but never actually tried them. I've also heard that doing it from behind helps.

We were able to try a few times this month so I was happy about that! There were a few times that I was in the mood and tried not to stress too much so it wasn't excruciating, but it's still is very tight and not exactly comfortable. But I'll definitely try some of these suggestions.

 

[PetiteLapin]

I had this exact issue in my early 20's and it had nothing to do with lube or anything anatomical per se. I had extremely painful periods with cramping and total body pain that left me in a heap on the floor screaming some months...it was debilitating. It turns out I had major hormonal imbalances that were leading to endometriosis as well as ovarian cyst. The scar tissue from endo had attached to various parts of my anatomy causing pain anywhere from vaginal intercourse to bowel movements. Of course as most doctors do they put me on bc instead of addressing the root cause of my issue which helped a little but I still had painful periods and sex was not what it should be!

You may want to start reviewing some of the products that the women on these boards use to balance hormones and see if they help you. Some work better than others depending on the woman-maca, dong quai, vitex, progesterone cream, etc. I tried them all and found vitex and progesterone cream to work the best for me. Vitex is widely used in other countries to treat painful periods and is the most popular remedy in Germany where I first heard about it. I remember being on day two of AF the second cycle on it and not being in pain...then day 3 and 4 came and no heavy bleeding or pain. DH came in and I was crying so he went to grab the heating pad and heavy duty drugs and I explained I was crying because I wasn't in pain for the first time in many years. My scar tissue from the endo started to recede and sex became pain free.

If you have tried all these things and are still in pain you may want to consider IUI just for the purpose of getting pregnant. It is elective and so you should be able to try it whenever you are ready. It is a very small tube and so shouldn't hurt as it isn't big at all. Also the sperm are sent directly where they need to go for the best chance at fertilizing the egg. Just a thought hun....best of luck!

Yeah, that is what I'm really worried about. I definitely relate to the period symptoms, there have been times when I was hysterical and not able to move. It's awful. I've always been worried about having endometriosis. When they found my cyst though they didn't mention any other scarring or tissue damage so I'm hoping everything will be okay and functional. :/

Are the hormone creams and things safe for TTC? My doctor mentioned that they usually treat with hormonal birth control but obviously that won't work if we want to become pregnant.

But yeah we plan on trying naturally for a few months and If nothing happens by like mid-autumn then I'll have more tests done and will start looking into IUI and other fertility treatments.

 

[PetiteLapin]

My situation is a bit different to yours but I also experience pain during intercourse so this may or may not help. I'm sorry in advanced for it being far tmi.
When my OH and I have sex I tend to get sore and swell up which takes 4/5 days to go down. Which obviously makes BD'ing regularly around my fertile time extremely difficult difficult. To overcome this instead of having full intercourse we just play around until he's about to finish and then at the last second we have penetrative sex. It means I don't get overly sore and for what pain I do experience for that minute or so is bareable for that short time. Then after the fertile period we go back to having normal intercourse.

I don't know if this will help at all. Xx

That's a good idea! I might try that if I'm having any days that are particularly painful because most of the time when we can get to it, I can't last as long as him.

 

[PetiteLapin]

I had the very same problem I can fully relate. After having a traumatic experience last year when my husband got back from basic training it hurt majorly to have sex. After 6-8 months crying and freaking out I finally found a dr that talked to me. He gave me muscle relaxors to take 30 min before having sex and that helped some but after a long time of pain it was mentally hard to let go and not anticipate the pain which caused me to tighten up and make it worse. Finally after a month of mentally just letting go and with the help of the muscle relaxors I'm finally pain free with no medication . My dr also told me about the dildo thing there are actual things you can buy that are small and they go up in sizes to help with just this. I dunno if any of this will help but if you have a strong mind it really is mind over matter you can almost think yourself into relaxing and not being in pain. I hope you get it figured out maybe talk to your dr about muscle relaxors! They were a huge relief!

Hmm, I haven't heard of using muscle relaxers, I'll definitely bring it up to my doctor the next time I see her. I wonder if using regular like OTC anti-inflammatory (NSAID) pain relievers before would help at all...

 

[PetiteLapin]

Although I don't have these symptoms I have heard of endometriosis causing this. if your doctor will not test for this yet I suggest looking up a endometria diet. Is this will give you a guide of foods to avoid that cause inflammation. My aunt has endometriosis and has had great success easing her symptoms and inflamed uterus.

Hmm, I didn't know there was a diet for it. I'll definitely look into it, so many good suggestions! Thank you everyone, you guys are awesome!!

 

[LadyAphrodity]

I had the very same problem I can fully relate. After having a traumatic experience last year when my husband got back from basic training it hurt majorly to have sex. After 6-8 months crying and freaking out I finally found a dr that talked to me. He gave me muscle relaxors to take 30 min before having sex and that helped some but after a long time of pain it was mentally hard to let go and not anticipate the pain which caused me to tighten up and make it worse. Finally after a month of mentally just letting go and with the help of the muscle relaxors I'm finally pain free with no medication . My dr also told me about the dildo thing there are actual things you can buy that are small and they go up in sizes to help with just this. I dunno if any of this will help but if you have a strong mind it really is mind over matter you can almost think yourself into relaxing and not being in pain. I hope you get it figured out maybe talk to your dr about muscle relaxors! They were a huge relief!

Hmm, I haven't heard of using muscle relaxers, I'll definitely bring it up to my doctor the next time I see her. I wonder if using regular like OTC anti-inflammatory (NSAID) pain relievers before would help at all...

I tried naproxen but honestly having the muscle relaxors and taking them 30 min before intercourse is what really helped me, it helped the muscles at the entrance relax and it was less painful once it was less painful i was able to relax and enjoy it after a month of this I am now able to have sex again with no muscle relaxors or anything mentally i stopped associating pain with sex so i dont tighten up at the thought of penetration which for me was causing alot of my pain. Alot of people say the mind is a powerful thing i fully believe that, i was expecting the pain so much that i was making it worse for me thats why when your in the mood its not as bad if that makes any sense.

 

[kealz]

I sympathise too hun! After having ds following a traumatic labour, I couldn't bear sex at all - I was forcing myself to do it just once or twice a month but I used to dread it. I was petrified. The pain was intense and on occasion I would feel tearful afterwards. Luckily, I also have a very understanding dh who was happy to do whatever. It was me really, I felt so guilty for not being a 'good wife' and didn't feel 'normal' - I wanted my sex life back and I think the lack of intimacy was distancing me from dh while i was in the throws of looking after our new baby. Anyway, what helped me most was buying a dildo, some good lube and giving myself some 'me time'. 'Practising' in my own time definitely helped and i would make sure that i practised shortly before sex too so i wasn't afraid of the feeling. I also found reading erotic literature etc helpful because it switched my baby brain off and refocussed me... effectively 'putting me in the mood', which can be half the battle. Sometimes i would feel so 'ready' that i didn't care how it would feel if that makes sense? Now we are bd'ing so often and with a good lube, i no longer dread it and actually look forward to it - i never thought i would feel like this!
I really hope you find a solution and the doctors can support you - it must be horrible for you at the moment. Don't give up hope!

 

[StranjeGirl]

I have chronic pelvic pain due to pelvic floor tension myalgia. It's basically overly tight muscles that have spasmed and shortened. The thing that helped me the most is pelvic floor therapy by a therapist that specializes in it and does intravaginal work. They are not easy to find as most who deal with a pelvic floor deal with weak muscles. A great book is heal pelvic pain by Amy Stein. Regardless of why you have pain, what helped me is using the syringe method when needed (dh goes in cup and then I used an oral syringe to get it and insert it) or would use my hand until dh was ready to go and then he would stick it in last minute. My pelvic issues are much better due to therapy and my last pregnancy helped stretch the muscles out, but if I was in a flare or starting to get pain I would use these methods. Sorry you are going through this and I hope you find the cause and a solution. Preseed worked well as you can insert a bunch of it. It's really important to use lube if you have tight muscles and preseed is sperm friendly!