Unbearably sad

[Sugden88]

Redcat- sorry for your loss. IV gad to avoid 2'of my best friends baby showers I just couldn't face it. I think I could manage being there but I know fir sure it would set me back so much afterwards and I don't think id cope with it.

AnnieMac- I know people tell me that "its great you fell pregnant though after all thus time".... Well is it?? How... What was the point... 2months then it all failed. Super.
Another one is "at least you wernt further along"! :-/
Ohh yes 2months is nothing, what am i so upset for right??
I know its coming from a good place and people do care, but sometimes i think i need to hear
"that was truly awful and you have been robbed" because that's how you feel don't you? I feel robbed or cheated that we git this wee miricle and utcwas juat taken from us. Our wee baby.
The second you find out you are pregnant..its ur baby, you can picture what he/she looks like, you can see ur nursery at home, or ur growing bump, i can see my husband dotting over them. It changes ur entire life within minutes and then -boom- gone ruined and ur left feeling like im missing something in the world now.

Anyway that's juat my thoughts. IV not tried anything i.e counselling ir letter but i do actually find this forum a help... Because i can day how i feel and no one knows who i am xxx

 

[AnnieMac2]

Thank you, Redcat. I really feel for you right now. It's barely been a month since your loss and I can't believe people will judge you over this shower. I mean, your body isn't even back to normal! I'm so sorry. If you decide to go, don't be afraid to come on here and do a wild vent beforehand!

Cassandra, I'm so sorry. I'm really fearful about the amount of time it will take too. I think being kind to yourself is probably key, isn't it. Bending over backwards to be normal for everyone else has gotten me nowhere.

Sarah - Exactly what you said. I can gut it out and get through certain conversations/events, but I'm realizing that I'm breaking down. I thought time would help and if I kept going through the motions, I'd get there. It has to get better eventually, but I'm worse than I was last month. I'm glad that you're taking into account what events might set you back. And yeah, I learned my pregnancy wasn't viable at 8 weeks, tried to miscarry naturally, and then got a d&c at 11 weeks. Someone actually waved their hand at me like whatever when I told them how far along it was, and said "oh, that's nothing." I'm glad I only told a few people. My mom doesn't even know. But yes, I thought I had a child and had a very happy image of how my life would be. And then it got taken away. And people don't care.

This forum has helped me. Thank you.

 

[AnnieMac2]

You know the only possibly helpful thing I can think of is doing something out of character or get out of real life a bit. I would kill to be doing this now instead of last summer: My friend and I made a last minute trip to Iceland using our credit cards. It was an unplanned road trip and camping where we laughed at how gross and dirty we are and had true adventures. Like an amateurish walkabout.

I don't have $ now, but a break from husbands and ttc world for even a weekend doing something weird with your craziest friend. I would like that.

 

[Sugden88]

yeah that seems like a great idea, me and my hubby took a last minute night away, just booked into a fancy hotel, went out and drank too much. It was a good night, took my mind off it for one night, gave him a break from seeing my miserable face.....

sometimes little things like that do help.

i guess i always had in my head that i would be pregnant before my due date...and im not, its next month so its brought up all these feelings that iv tried so hard notto face. but it catches up on you eventually.

we can all be here to rant to each other and il try to help all of you lovely ladies as much as possible xxx

 

[AnnieMac2]

Aw, I know. It's like you have that added disappointment next month. I obviously had some idea in my head that I'd get right back to getting pregnant. My SIL has 4(!) friends who had mc and got pregnant the first cycle back. I think I was a little too dependent on such a long shot.

I say do something very out of the ordinary/spontaneous soon to shake things up. That was a great idea to go on that trip with your husband. I'm thinking about skydiving or something. Any ideas? xo

 

[Sugden88]

its hard when other people fall pregnant so easily/quickly. I have a friend pregnant again and us moaning about morning sickness etc-im like "id LOVE to have that"!

Hmmm ideas....bloody anything! A night away, sky diving! A weekend at a posh spa, or get a wee cabin away somewhere, some wine....or maybe a shopping trip or get ur hair/nails done......clearly im rubbish at being spontaneous but there's a few ideas!

 

[AnnieMac2]

Haha - they're all good and I might do them all!

I just got af like 1 minute ago. I was still holding out a teensy bit of hope, but to be honest I'm sort of relieved for the late af to get here. As I'm sure you've guessed by this thread, I've been a hint emotional

 

[Sugden88]

Ohh no Anniemac2..... sorry to hear that i get upset each month too, its awful... however.....

lets see how you get on next cycle and maybe we will be on this together in few weeks time.... it WILL happen.

you take care of yourself and i order you to eat some choco and have a glass on wine

big hug xx

 

[firewife20]

oh sweetie. I know how youre feeling! two cousins of mine have announced their pregnancies and im so so happy for them, I really am but I was devastated when I heard the news. all we can do is keep trying and never lose hope! im so sorry to hear your sad news, it does become easier in time I promise you. lots of love and baby dust to you xx

 

[AnnieMac2]

Thank you, ladies. xo Sometimes I feel so disappointed with myself that I have some of these feelings, but you guys seem so sweet and feel similarly so I must not be that bad.

Wine and chocolate challenge accepted! I also drank probably a toxic amount of coffee this morning, so flying high right now.

Sarah, I got a massage yesterday. I hurt my back so I went to a licensed massage therapist, and I got one of those nearly-painful aggressive massages rather than the sissy hot stone I would normally choose. It was such a shock to my body, that I felt stoned afterwards. Very good departure from reality!

Hope you girls have a fun Saturday