Unkind behaviour

[klcuk3]

So my DD1 is in yr 1 and generally enjoys school and is doing well. At the start of the year a new girl joined their class as the family had moved areas.

Around Oct/Nov time my dd reported that this new girl had hit her and was calling her 'mean and nasty'. I spoke to the teacher about it who had a chat with them both and nothing else happened.

However, in the last week or so my dd has been saying this same girl is calling her 'mean and nasty', threatening physical violence (tho not carried out) and following her when she tries to walk away. My dd is 5.5yrs old and a serious sensitive soul. I try to brush some things off and reassure her about others. It really upset me when she came out with this though: 'I was playing with my friends at lunch Mummy, and I felt really confident and brave. Then (this girl) came over and those feelings went away'.

I asked her if this behaviour had been a one off from the other girl but she said it was almost daily.

Now I appreciate there are times when kids need to sort it out themselves and harden up but didn't feel this was appropriate.

I contacted the mother and asked to have a chat. She was taken aback that her dd might be behaving like this but completely agreed to speak to her. The dd admitted saying nasty comments but denied the physical threats. She drew my dd a picture with an apology on it. The mum said she'd speak to the teacher about her dd.

Now this was last week and the mum hasn't been to see the teacher. My dd has started complaining of tummy ache and not wanting to go to school...this is not usual for her and she's not ill. She seems fine when she gets home and I don't want to keep pestering her about her feelings and this other girl.

I'm in two minds whether I should arrange a quiet chat with her teacher to express my concerns over these two episodes, I have briefly told her at pick up to keep an eye. But especially now my dd seems to be a little more anxious. I don't want to go in guns blazing down a bullying route but feel something a little more official than a chat at the classroom door is required.

Does this sound reasonable or a little overkill? I can't decide whether to watch and wait or express my concerns now.

 

[jd83]

I would say something. The fact that your dd has started trying to use tummy aches to get out of school since your conversation with the mom makes me think that things have probably gotten worse since then. The mom probably DID say something to the girl when she made her draw your dd a picture for apology, but it backfired and now she may be being mean out of spite from getting in trouble. Maybe the mom thought talking to her kid was enough to take care of the problem, but honestly it sounds like things haven't improved yet, so I think letting the teacher know to maybe keep an eye on them would be helpful. There's no reason for a child that young to be afraid to be at school. That's heartbreaking.

 

[happyonisland]

I’m so sorry to hear this. This is bullying. However, you are an advocate for your daughter and must protect her physically, emotionally, and mentally. Recently, I read an article regarding bullying that I believe will help you.
Good luck! I wish you all the best.

 

[george83]

Yes absolutely go in and speak to the teacher, I'd be heartbroken if that was my child not wanting to go to school. I'm also a teacher and would hate to have a child in my class who didn't want to come in

 

[klcuk3]

I went in and spoke to the teacher and I'm so glad I did. She was very understanding and as soon as I told her how my daughter's behaviour had changed since this latest episode she said that a child not wanting to go to school was a big red flag for them. She has informed all the staff to be vigilant and also notified the deputy and head teacher. She's started a log to record any events and we're to document anything my DD reports at home in her reading journal.

I'm hoping that for now nothing further will happen but am very wary that as this is the second time this girl has been mean that it's likely to reoccur at a later date.

 

[becsboo]

glad you went in

 

[Bevziibubble]

I'm glad that the teacher was understanding and supportive of the issue and has informed other teachers.
Fingers crossed that things will start improving now