Unplanned(ish) pregnancy and blaming husband, advice?

[Stellae]

Hey all,
We're on kiddo #3, and though we're educated adults who knew what could happen during unprotected sex, we were not planning on another so soon (have a ten month old) or in my case, maybe not at all. We just moved, my daughter isn't sleeping well yet, and I just wanted to relax.

We practice NFP (preference vs. beliefs), but admittedly I hadn't been great with tracking. Still, DH finished and did not confirm it was safe to do so inside, and here we are.

This is clearly not all his fault, but I am having a tough time not blaming him, or in the least wishing he'd not been selfish in that moment or had the ability to think of what a pregnancy now would mean. I had post partum anxiety with my last and I'm terrified of getting it again, on top of all the other pregnancy discomforts. I'm in a constant state of irritation with him.

Any advice? Hard truths? I know being upset isn't good for either of us!

 

[Wish85]

I'll be honest as I don't sugar coat

*it takes two to tango
*it's hard for men to control things in the heat of the moment
*you didn't tell him before hand it wasn't safe to finish inside
*everything happens for a reason
*abstaining is really the only way to avoid pregnancy
*congratulations!!!!

 

[fdcsw126]

So I am in a similar boat. I have a 9 month old who I exclusively pump for, I have had 2 cycles since having that were 6 weeks apart (very irregular for me but it's common to go without when you are bf). I found out when she was 8 months that I was 8w5d pregnant (I only took a test because my husband jokingly said maybe your pregnant when I hadn't feeling good for a few days). We also do NFP but with irregular cycles from bf I wasn't tracking anything. Currently we are 13w4d and look at this child as a blessing. For us it took awhile to get pregnant with our other 2, we had to actively try as well as take ovulation tests but with this one it was a complete surprise that we are thankful for. Just take a deep breath and relax it will be okay, also talk about your fears to your OH, it always helps me to talk it out with mine.

 

[DobbyForever]

I second Wish but honestly you two are adults with kids, you got this! It's new so it's natural to be in shock and angry and all those things, but that'll dissipate. As for anxiety, maybe try to get ahead of it this time? Do you have any nearby supports to lean on? Things will work out though. . Just hang in there.

 

[crazylilth1ng]

I agree with Wish and Dobby. This is 50/50 fault wise. It is your body and if you don't want to be pregnant then take steps yourself to prevent it, you can't rely on someone else because accidents happen as they obviously have.

Don't blame him, don't be angry, what is done is done and you have to work together to make things work out. As you already said, it's no good for your daughter if there is tension. I do understand that it is easy to feel the way you do, there have been times where I have felt resentful myself about things that were partly down to me.

At the end of the day, you can do this, you both can. Yes, you have messed up but it's not the worst thing that could happen, like Dobby said above... You got this!! Good luck

 

[Stellae]

Thanks for he tough love ladies, needed that ❤️

 

[icegurl470]

I'm in a similar situation, 3rd baby not planned. We pull out and practice the rhythm method (I keep track of my cycle and we are extra careful on my "fertile" days) TBH we weren't having sex that often and I was still breastfeeding, so I wasn't in a huge hurry to go back on BC. Anyway, his boss got him a bottle of booze for Christmas and we drank it together and got a little drunk and ended up in the living room on the couch.. He said he tried to "push me off" but I didnt know. I asked him why he didnt say anything and he said he couldnt.. I went to the bathroom and tried to wash myself out the best I could. I thought about the morning after pill, but I knew it probably wasnt safe while breastfeeding and TBH I did have a moment where I thought about it and decided I didnt want to take it, even if I was.. I looked at the calendar and it was really late in my cycle, so I thought the odds were pretty darn good it wasnt going to lead to a pregnancy, but it did.. I was pissed at my husband when I found out. He wanted another and I didnt, so I just felt like a part of him did it on purpose even though he said he didnt. I was really self critical at first, I felt irresponsible and stupid, but having negative thoughts doesnt make the situation any better. Just accept that it is what it is and it was meant to be, once it sinks in you will become more accepting and then excited and then eventually you will forget it was ever unplanned to begin with!