Unrelated - Pissed at myself

[Selaphyna]

I'm so stressed out right now. Second time in a month I overdrafted my account (almost 3rd but luckily before last paycheck almost two weeks ago, I only barely positive before that check was deposited). I went to go buy just a few things at the grocery store that we needed. Yeah, my card was declined but luckily I had the $12 in cash to cover it. And I still have two days until payday, and still need to put gas in my car tomorrow before heading into work (I have a 45-50 minute commute to work).

So yeah I'm stressed. I'm looking back at my bank statement and it's not like there isn't anything that I am not personally buying or personally okay'd to come out of my account, so I know it's my own stupidity that has put me in this place. I still have bills to catch up right now, and I'm always behind on everything. Luckily the car will be paid off soon (though it needs work), only got just over $400 left on it. So once that paid off, my insurance will drop, so I should have extra money then, to finally buy things for the baby. I'm only 17 weeks along but I feel like I should already be getting things so we are ready, especially if for whatever reason I go into labor early. Not to mention the bills that are starting to come in for the doctor's appointments.

My OH helps, but he pays most of the big bills. He pays the rent, the cable, the electricity, plus he has a car payment as well. He does make a lot more than me, but those bills right there is actually quite a bit. I pay the water, sewer, and then my own bills (such as my car, insurance, gas money, phone, storage shed, bc when we moved in together some things of mine had to go into storage, and as I was again stupid before he and I moved in together, and I have some bills in collections that I am slowly paying on.)

I'm just so stressed out right now, and it's been slowly building up the last few weeks. I was doing so well there for awhile. Yeah bills may have built up but I always paid them and had extra money to spend. I even quit smoking so I'm not buying those anymore, though my OH still does and sometimes he asks me to stop and get them for him, but when I used to do that before being pregnant, I used to get mine as well. So while yes I do know where my money is going, I don't understand why all of a sudden I feel like I can't make ends meet.

Sorry this is so long winded. I just needed to get it all out.

 

[hopefulfor1st]

Cable is not a necessity- can you get rid of it? And what about sell the stuff in your storage shed since your obv gonna be I this relationship long term you can make some cash on the items and ditch storage fees

 

[Selaphyna]

Cable is his decision. I'm personally am not going to take that away from him. I do wish he'd get rid of a few things with his package but again it's his money. Yes we are still in that mentality that his money is his, and mine is mine. We do share in the responsibilities though. We both bank at separate banks still and I've lived with him for almost 3 years, and have lived in this town now for almost 6 years.

As for what is in storage, there are quite a bit of sentimental things (things given to me by my parents when I moved into my own place away from them, things that were my son's that I want to have for this baby, a train table my dad got my son) in there, plus my washer and dryer (we live in an upstairs apartment, that doesn't have hookups for a w/d). We do plan to find a bigger place, hopefully sooner rather than later.

I texted my oh and he just said I guess I should stop having you stop to get me things, which I didn't like hearing only because it took him 3+ years just to let me do things for him. He is a very independent man, and feels he should so his own things and others shouldn't do it for him. I understand where is coming from, but it was just nice to finally let me do his laundry, or buy things for him. I just told him I need to cut out the stupid stuff, like going out to lunch every day at work, and the games I pay for and things like that. I need to start there and just work on it.

 

[RcdM]

Yeah, going out to lunch everyday at work adds up so quick. That's the biggest thing I'm working on.
Try making extra at dinner the night before so you'll have leftovers. Or sometimes I'll just stock up on the not-so-appetizing frozen meals. The decent ones are like $3 and that is way cheaper than any fast food. Or maybe a can of Chunky's soup and an orange or apple. Get your lunch for the day ready at night so you can just grab it on your way out and don't have to think about it.

You still have plenty of time before you need to buy anything for the baby. I'm 20 weeks and haven't done a single thing yet. Try not to stress so much. We all live and learn! The good thing is you know what you can do to cut back on spending, now you just need to be strict with yourself!

 

[Selaphyna]

Yeah, after talking to OH, he mentioned that it might be best for me to take my lunch to work, may spend more at store a week but it will stop me from spending even more every day to go out to lunch.

 

[sprite30]

#1 rule of thumb keep your money your money and his money his money. I think a lot of peoples first mistake is that they think by putting their money together that it will somehow magically fix things, and it does not. Have you created a budget and actually written down what your spending your money on. I think sometimes people just need a reality check. After it all it is basic math addition and subtraction and if your exceeding your means something's gotta give. Congrats in quiting smoking, that's a huge savings right there. And the lunches should help out a lot. If your car payment is going to be gone soon and you'll pay less in insurance now is the perfect time to reevaluate your bills.

The #2 suggestion is to stop all auto payments. That way you can be personally responsible for when the bill is paid and not run the risk of over drafting. It might be easier but no one ever said finances where easy.

 

[Pixiedust22]

I know how you feel, we've always just got enough money with no buffer for extras. I've got a bunch of savings but not touching those cause they're for baby! Besides, I don't want to top up our income with savings all the time cause they will run out eventually.

 

[squirrel.]

Is there a train or bus you could take to work instead of driving? Or someone you could carpool with to ease on petrol money? At my previous school, I had a 40 minute commute to work and it cost me £50 in petrol every two weeks, so just over £100 a month. It felt excessive! The alternative would have been a 1hour30minute tube,tube,tube,tube,DLR,long walk of a nightmare that I actually did for a few years before I got my license, but after years of doing that horrible journey at rush hour with bags full of heavy books I started driving the journey. It was a lot more expensive, but worth it. When money got tight though, I did have to go back to using public transport again temporarily. It's tough when you're outgoings are just a bit too much for your salary. It might be worth recording everything you spend in a notebook (cash and card) for a month and then analysing it to see what you can cut back on. Then the next month you set yourself a strict budget.

 

[laurabe]

Maybe you OH will help you out a bit more til you get sorted?. Me and OH keep our own money and split all the bills but if I'm running short he will always help me and vice versa

 

[Jaycrew]

This is what I did. I packed lunch for 2wks and purchased my gas card ahead of time. and put $150 on it to last for 2 work weeks. I drive an SUV which is about 75-80 wk in gas. I saw that this actually worked very well!

 

[CastawayBride]

I think for starters trying to get everything down will definitely help. Can you cut the cable back, to save some money?

Brown bag, I only allow myself to buy lunch once a week, if that.

Also depending how much debt you have it might be in your best interest to claim bankruptcy. It is a personal decision but within 5-7 years if you rebuild your credit correctly you will be fine. After that though you have to learn to budget and not to charge what you can't pay for cash. That was the biggest thing for me, I bought my house and started paying cash for everything. It was a life changer! Yes I still have the CC's but we pay them, in full, every month.

I also am a big believer in snowballing payments. Pay off one card at a time while paying the minimums on others. We have done so well with this we are currently doubled up on our mortgage!

Good luck!