hayz_baby
Mummy to 3 boys!
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- Mar 5, 2011
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Part f me feels like I'm kinda grieving.. Idk.. On the outside I'm perfectly fine and I haven't really opened these feelings up. But these feelings are real.. Plus something additional came up..
With ds1 we didn't find out.. I'm always happy with thy decision and I loved the surprise. It felt like the only real surprise i have had. Wen I was pregnant everyone said boy, I said girl.. Not sure if it was hoping tho..
When they said boy I felt so full of emotion it took a second to adjust. I was never happy with his middle name but I never had the strength to admit that.. It just.. Well happened. And those were my first thoughts..
I know they soon quickly passed (altho I did have pnd..) I have a little boy who I love! He is a proper little boy and I can't imagine life without him.
We decided to try for another. I wanted a girl. I only ever really wanted 2 kids. It fits right and I don't think I can realistically afford more. I made it somewhat open I wanted a girl. I kept talking about getting one of those christmas dresses from next. I think oh wanted a girl too. We decided to find out this time round.. Part of me thought I would b ok not finding out but part of me wondered.. So we found out. The lady said boy. It was clear. I wasn't sure how to react. I was happy. But somewhat forced?? Im glad I've got this time to adjust. I started thinking of the positives... Saving money.. We still have to upsize but we only need a 2 be which saves.. Which means same council band... We have all of ds1 clothes..
I think that they will b best friends (amongst fights) they will be brothers! But then this twinge of sadness hits me.. Altho I'm not saying never say never.. I dont think I really want a third. That I will only have a third for a girl.. Not for the child.. I can't do that right now. I think of what I could miss... U know they saying a son is a son till he has a wife a daughter is ures for life. I will never be mother of the bride, help pick dresses an give guidance, have silly nights out. Have that closeness I never had with my mother. Try and fix that. I will never (if she allowed) have the option of being there to witness my grandchildren born like some are, I will never b first point of advice, never first choice for babysitting when she's ready. Ill b a mil. Even if I get on with them, there is always that realistic chance they will call their mother. And I don't blame them. I just wish I could have that for myself.. I wish I could buy a pretty Christmas dress from next. I'm finding it easier.. I'm accepting it, feeling the love of two boys. I know I will love this boy as much as my first. I know it would b hard with 2 but I will love it totally!
Today I found out my bros girlfriend (who's very young and pregnant unexpextedly) is having a girl. It just brought those little niggles back.
I hope I don't sound awful, I sometimes toy with the future and think could I have 3? But I think to myself I don't know how I would feel with 3 boys? Do I want a third or a girl? That's 5 years + away so I'm not overly concerned now but it brings me back. I might not have a girl. I'm getting there in terms of acceptance. I just sometimes feel like I might b grieving for a girl I'm not having.
Thanks you I hope I for sound like an awful mum it just seems like there are a lot of understanding people on this part and I needed to get these thoughts out x
With ds1 we didn't find out.. I'm always happy with thy decision and I loved the surprise. It felt like the only real surprise i have had. Wen I was pregnant everyone said boy, I said girl.. Not sure if it was hoping tho..
When they said boy I felt so full of emotion it took a second to adjust. I was never happy with his middle name but I never had the strength to admit that.. It just.. Well happened. And those were my first thoughts..
I know they soon quickly passed (altho I did have pnd..) I have a little boy who I love! He is a proper little boy and I can't imagine life without him.
We decided to try for another. I wanted a girl. I only ever really wanted 2 kids. It fits right and I don't think I can realistically afford more. I made it somewhat open I wanted a girl. I kept talking about getting one of those christmas dresses from next. I think oh wanted a girl too. We decided to find out this time round.. Part of me thought I would b ok not finding out but part of me wondered.. So we found out. The lady said boy. It was clear. I wasn't sure how to react. I was happy. But somewhat forced?? Im glad I've got this time to adjust. I started thinking of the positives... Saving money.. We still have to upsize but we only need a 2 be which saves.. Which means same council band... We have all of ds1 clothes..
I think that they will b best friends (amongst fights) they will be brothers! But then this twinge of sadness hits me.. Altho I'm not saying never say never.. I dont think I really want a third. That I will only have a third for a girl.. Not for the child.. I can't do that right now. I think of what I could miss... U know they saying a son is a son till he has a wife a daughter is ures for life. I will never be mother of the bride, help pick dresses an give guidance, have silly nights out. Have that closeness I never had with my mother. Try and fix that. I will never (if she allowed) have the option of being there to witness my grandchildren born like some are, I will never b first point of advice, never first choice for babysitting when she's ready. Ill b a mil. Even if I get on with them, there is always that realistic chance they will call their mother. And I don't blame them. I just wish I could have that for myself.. I wish I could buy a pretty Christmas dress from next. I'm finding it easier.. I'm accepting it, feeling the love of two boys. I know I will love this boy as much as my first. I know it would b hard with 2 but I will love it totally!
Today I found out my bros girlfriend (who's very young and pregnant unexpextedly) is having a girl. It just brought those little niggles back.
I hope I don't sound awful, I sometimes toy with the future and think could I have 3? But I think to myself I don't know how I would feel with 3 boys? Do I want a third or a girl? That's 5 years + away so I'm not overly concerned now but it brings me back. I might not have a girl. I'm getting there in terms of acceptance. I just sometimes feel like I might b grieving for a girl I'm not having.
Thanks you I hope I for sound like an awful mum it just seems like there are a lot of understanding people on this part and I needed to get these thoughts out x