Unsure who the father is. I have many questions.

Discussion in 'Single Parents' started by evatreba, Jul 22, 2014.

  1. evatreba

    evatreba New Member

    Jul 22, 2014
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    I'm having trouble deciphering information I'm looking up online, so I'm hoping someone can help me out with this.

    I was 33 weeks pregnant on sunday based on early ultrasounds (i believe 12 and 20 weeks) and I didn't know when my last period was, so they estimated my due date from the ultrasounds (they have said sep 7 or 11) Counting back, it sounds like I concieved december 1. Would that be at all accurate for determining the father? I was intimate with someone on november 28, and the other guy said he and I weren't together that weekend, but it's possible we could have been a week later or earlier, though i believe he was away at school until christmas. I would like to think the guy I had sex with november 28 is the father, so I'm wondering if how far along I am gives a good picture of when conception occurred. The baby is a girl, which I have heard generally "take" a few days after intercourse. I also had what I thought was a period about a week or so later, but looking back it was so light and only seemed to last a day or two, I'm wondering if that was implantation bleeding. I'm also unclear how that works.

    Obviously we're going to do paternity tests, but I'm concerned because one of the possible fathers is threatening to sue me for full custody, and he's a bit unstable. The other possible father was very much a one time fling, but a good guy. After we were intimate I did have an immediate feeling of, "oh no, I'm pregnant" that I couldn't seem to shake off (anybody else experience that with a pregnancy?)

    Anyways, I'm stressing a bit and basically just looking to ease my mind, enlighten me with your knowledge. Also I'm terrible with calculation, so feel free to talk down to me.

    and yes, I realise I'm stupid for getting into this situation, no need to point that out. :p
  2. CanadianMaple

    CanadianMaple Well-Known Member

    Sep 27, 2011
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    I just looked it up on a reverse calculator. If this is near your due date, it sounds like guy #2.

    Estimated Due Date is 9/9/2014
    Gestational Age Today is 33 week(s), 0 day(s) or 7.59 month(s) months.
    Date of Conception 12/17/2013
  3. BadassMom

    BadassMom Well-Known Member

    Jan 17, 2012
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    My due date is September 7th as well, so I thought I'd try to help. The first day of my last period (how they calculate your due date, and mine matched up with ultrasounds also) was Dec 1st. It all depends on how long your cycle is but if it's a typical 28 day cycle like mine is you conceived somewhere between 12/10 and 12/15.

    If your due date is Sept 11th that means you conceived between 12/14 and 12/19.

    I used the reverse calculator as well. I'm not sure how this matches up with your timeline, but I hope it helps!
  4. slg76

    slg76 Well-Known Member

    Jun 30, 2013
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    sorry you are stuck in this situation. Did both your ultrasounds indicate the same age for the baby? I believe that the 12 week ultrasound would be the more accurate of the two. I really don't think you are going to be able to know who the father is by timing. It's hard to guess since you don't know when you ovulated, how long it took the baby to implant, and how long the sperm from guy #1 may have stayed alive inside you. Sperm can live up to five days! I would guess that your "period" was actually implantation bleeding which usually occurs 6-12 days after conception with an average of 9 days.

    Either way, the father is very unlikely to get custody from you unless you are somehow a danger to the baby. I hope this works out well for you!
  5. Hihihi123

    Hihihi123 New Member

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    Hi, I’m new here and this is the first time I’ve ever used/posted on a form, so I don’t know if this is the right place to post, I don’t know how to create a new post! I’m in a similar predicament and would love some advice please!

    I am due to have my first baby on 25th December 2020..

    I started dating a guy casually in January and we were non-exclusive but having unprotected sex (stupidly) as I’d always been told I would be unable to conceive.

    Anyway.. fast forward to March 7, I stupidly had a drunken 1 night stand with a guy I met at a club.

    The week later, the guy I was casually dating since January, asked to become exclusive and we entered in to a relationship, regularly sleeping together unprotected.

    On April 27th I found out I was pregnant, after missing my period on 21st April.. I think my last period before this was in March however I’m unsure if I actually had a period in March, which I put down to my PCOS and endometriosis which meant I don’t regularly have a period. However I’m now thinking I could have missed it due to pregnancy, and I’m really worried that the guy from 7th March could potentially be my baby’s father.
    How likely could this be?

    One night stand: 7th March 2020
    Due date: 27th Dec 2020
    Ultrasound: On 15th June 2020 I was measuring at 12 weeks 1 day

    Is it likely that the one night stand or is my current boyfriend most likely to be? I really do love him and we are so happy, i can’t shake the feeling that my baby may not be his and it has made my whole pregnancy so far anxious and terrifying.

    Thanks in advance for any help and advice xxxx
  6. DobbyForever

    DobbyForever First Time Momma

    Sep 15, 2013
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    Hi! Nothing to add stats wise as the PPs did an excellent job laying the info out.

    Just wanted to say you are NOT stupid! Stuff happens. Please don’t spend a second feeling down on yourself. I know so many women online and in person and me included who got pregnant and had an uh oh frantically counting or finger crossing over who the dad is. I’m glad you will be able to get paternity testing done so you get peace of mind.

    as for custody, keep as much conversation as you can on writing. Be civil and short and neutral when you talk to dad one. Let him dig himself in a hole with his threats. Courts don’t take kindly to parents who alienate or threaten to alienate the other, and honestly with the right lawyer could be grounds for a restraining order for both you and your daughter. So save everything. Hopefully things work out and know BNB is a safe space to talk about your journey <3 :hugs:
  7. Sander

    Sander Well-Known Member

    May 21, 2017
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    Oh sounds like it was definitely your boyfriend. It’s almost impossible that the baby is from your one night stand!

    For me, I’m due 4 days after you (Jan 1st) and we conceived mid April. You would be due late November if you conceived with one night stand guy.

    You should just know the odds of it being him are impossible - dating scans are super accurate and you can’t be over a month off! :)


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