Updated - Oh...My...God. I am shaking right now

[Dezireey]

Well I rang them again. This time I spoke to a different lady and I gave a lot of detail about what he had done. She went quiet on the phone and then said that she can't give out any information about the other child. She said the case was 'clerical' and a 'live case' which I assume means there are problems with it etc?.

She said she is waiting to hear back from Inland Revenue for extra info on him. Well, she called back within 20 minutes and said she has taken a personal interest in this case and will be following it up. She said it now looks promising as there is an' address' of sorts to send an actual letter to. If he doesn't respond to that letter..... she will then contact his Employer, who will then deduct from his wages. So there is progress of sorts. She said the downside to all this is that because its not simple, then it will be a while before I see any money from him. I said 'I just don't care, as long as he pays for what he has done, literally'. She said 'I am not supposed to give personal opinions but in your case, I hope he does and I hope it hits him where it hurts'


I have changed my number today and cancelled my old e-mail and blocked him from facebook, basically everything possible to stop him from contacting me. I personally think he is smiling and smug right now because he thinks that CSA can't touch him. He did say in one e-mail quite a few weeks back when I told him I wanted to get child support off him 'he who laughs last, laughs loudest' or something to that effect. I think he knew I would have a problem getting child support off him. He hasn't bargained though on a lady at CSA now having a grudge against him for saying he had a dead child. I think that must have been the worst lie she has heard. I think that idiot will try and contact me to plead with me when he sees his wage slip deducting child support. And you know what? I will do exactly what he has done to me when I have been desperate to get in touch with him...totally ignore him and make it hard for him to get in touch with me.

I have had to make an appointment with my Doctors today to get counselling. I spoke to her over the phone and because of health problems that have developed because of this, she wants to see me asap. I have a really big problem trying to understand why this man has done this and I can't get my head around how he believes he has done nothing wrong and that I have 'anger issues' for all the rants and texts and e-mails I have sent him in the past telling him his behaviour is disgusting, that is one of the things I need to have help with, I just don't understand how someone does these things to someone and sees nothing wrong with his behaviour

 

[Ceejay123]

So are you at a dead end with finding your child's sibling? that's such a shame!

So glad that he's going to get what's coming to him! Well done x

 

[MommaAlexis]

I'd be more worried about your mental health if you DID understand how he could do it.

 

[chulie]

It would be such a shame that these siblings would never meet! Are you friends of friends of his on Facebook or something? Is there a way to send something out there and ask anyone if they know the woman or even a name to help out for the sake of your child?! FB has crazy connections sometimes your just shocked!!

 

[baby D]

Wow. Only just seen this thread xx

Kudos to you for how strong you are being -- your son is one lucky little boy to have you xx

Your ex -- well. Words fail me!

 

[daneuse27]

Wow Dezirey, I've just seen this thread today too. I have no words - I think he is a very sick man. Its best that your son doesn't know him; I would hate to hear of him lie, manipulate or disappoint your little boy the way he has you.

I am also glad to hear that you've blocked him from contact, I was going to suggest that. He is finally getting what he deserves and that your son will soon get the financial support that he's entitled to.

 

[Dezireey]

Thanks guys. I have had a particularly bad day today with still no luck on contacting this other childs mother. CSA have all the info infront of them but just can't give it to me or even give her my information. I have contacted three people in his past ( his ex-wife, his past work-mate and a current friend) NONE of them have even responded to me. I was very upset at first that they didn't respond but then thought that perhaps, because this story is so 'out there' people might not actually believe me? In other words, no-one can imagine someone doing something as bad as that to get out of being a Dad.

I have heard nothing from the ex, I looked onto the website he frequented every single day and posted on for the last four years and he hasn't been on there since the day I rumbled him, not sure what that means? but I do know from a friend that he is still in his job so he hasn't left the country.

I am struggling to deal with the cruelty of this man, not towards me but to his own little son, i choke up whenever I look at my little guys face and his innocence and happy smile and my heart sinks because I just don't want any day, ever to arrive where my child is hurt or feeling unloved and that bastaard of a man will one day, without even being around hurt my little boys feelings when he starts to want to know why his daddy isn't around.

These men make me sick to my stomach. The depths they sink to and the lies they tell. I know for a fact that he has told his one friend that i am bat shit crazy and a stalker and it makes my blood boil thinking of anyone out there believing his shit.

I come from a respectable, well off family, hard work ethic, brought up well with morals, values and love and this loser has turned my life into a chavvy episode of Eastenders! ( having to tell strangers what he has done to get info on this other kid, the lies, the drama.) I hate him like I have never hated anyone in my life.

Sorry for the rant, I really am but today is a bad day and i have been crying again

 

[daneuse27]

I might be missing something, but what is the reason you're trying to contact his ex and all those other people?

I know and can relate to how much the thought of our kids being hurt by FOB one day hurts, but remember that you will eventually move on from this. You might be angry for a long time, as you have a right to be, but gradually you'll be able let go of the hatred. Try to just focus on being a happy and emotionally healthy mama to your son. Thats all he needs

 

[Dezireey]

I am trying to find out about my sons half brother from these other people. It is very likely ( because of my age and I have no partner at the moment) that i will never be able to provide a sibling for my little boy, so this may be the only sibling he has. My ex wouldnt give any info and CSA can't either. I just wanted to at least try but its proving nigh on impossible without names, even then, if I got in contact, there is the gamble of whether she ( the mother) wants that contact anyway.

I do feel that i am 'spent' or 'done with it all' though and chasing people my ex knows for info just upsets me more but I am torn about whether i should do this for my son or leave it be ( i.e whats done is done, he will just have a brother that he will never meet)

 

[daneuse27]

I wouldnt say 'never' just yet There's lots of time ahead. Your son has his whole life to meet or look for his brother.
As you said, there's no guarantee that the woman will welcome the contact from you. Hopefully she will, and I definitely think you should keep trying. I just think you should try not to stress over it so much; it sounds like you've had a lot on your plate lately. Some great things have been accomplished (you finding out the truth, and CSA going after your ex) soon you'll have the child support you deserve and who knows what else is to come? I hope your son one day meets his brother. It may not happen tomorrow. And even if it never happens, hell be just fine having such a caring and strong willed mom