Updated - Oh...My...God. I am shaking right now

[Calambria]

Omg honey! What a fucking pig scum! He might be unstable, but what I really think is that he's an attention seeking, eternal victim, woe was me irresponsible little prick. Mentally ill or no, he's still completely accountable. Sick *******. I'm so angry for you.

You are strong, honey. Do what you need to do.

 

[Dezireey]

One of the best things about coming on here and posting things like this is the support from everyone. When people do crazy things like this around you and ( like me) I have gone ballistic on him, you start to think ' should I be this angry? Does he deserve to be called vile and disgusting? ( which I have called him in the messages to him) And because everyone that has responded to my post agrees with me, I think ' yes, its not me, it is him, he is crazy and horrible'

Confirmation gives me peace of mind that the things I have said to him are warranted. I feel quite strong today because of all this. When there is this much of a problem with an FOB, there is no looking back, no wondering if things could have been good for your LO with him in his life. I know now without a shadow of doubt that this man will never get the chance to get to know my son. That is the most important thing. My boy gains not loses by having this man out of his life. As his Mother, its my job to protect him and I will tell him when he is old enough to understand that his father was a mentally ill man.

 

[whatwillbe]

He deff sounds like he has mental issues, nothing surprises me anymore with what these so called "men" will stoop to, try and think of it as a lucky escape an that you've finally seen his true colours, your doing a great job as a mom, your lo would gain nothing from that kind of role model in his life, I'm just realizing this about my fob, he's never met his daughter yet, and I couldn't imagine his bringing any good to her, hopefully this is the point for you that you completely cut him out your life chin up x

 

[whatwillbe]

P.s don't feel bad about messages, IMO giving a few nasty messages is nothing compared to abandoning your child and pretending your child died x

 

[Dezireey]

UPDATE

Ha! he text me at 2am saying that his world is falling apart, he can't cope, paying for two kids will break him. I called him and he was sat in a car at a beach ( apparently). I immediately told him I didnt want to hear any details, excuses, reasons etc as he is such a liar there is no way i would believe anything he says. I told him that i no longer give a toss about his financial situation ( before, I felt awful pressuring him to be a Father and pay up when he had gone through the death of a child) I said a few other choice things. This time he was very quiet, he knew I would not back down at all. He says ' i may aswell go walk into the sea now then' i said 'clothed or naked? its a bit cold, I suggest you keep your clothes on'

Silence. Just as I thought ' oh feck, its a bit too far encouraging someone to top themselves' I hear a whistling noise in the background, it was a familiar noise of his posh kettle on the stove, I recognised it. So he was at home making himself a cup of tea! BUSTED! i then put the phone down.

Knobhead

 

[kassiaethne]

wow good for you for standing your ground! I can't believe he even tried the sympathy card again. and to say he would just walk into the ocean, so ********ly dramatic. who does that? he really is a sick sick man. I'd totally get all the child support I could out of him. JUST to spite him, and for the fact that he owes it to his child. what a sneeky worm. the tea kettle just was the top of the stupid pot. what a moron.

 

[calm]

I have read this thread in horror! I don't have words to describe what that man inspires me. He has obviously got everywhere he has needed in life with emotional blackmail, lies, and manipulation, my blood boils with people like that. Be careful you don't start feeling sorry for him, he just might pull some stunt to get you in the place where he wants (feeling sorry for him). If there is any way you can cut all communication with him, do so (and that he still pays for his child) Big hugsXXX

 

[lemontree12]

OMG!!!!!!
how far does his lies go???? i honestly cant believe al along he was at home making a cuppaa!!!
first off, his life will not be over because at the moment he pays 15% for one kid t will only be 20% for 2(not that a mother only pay 10% per month towards the up bringing of her child, personally i think the precentage is disgusting, but hey) and 2nd off if he was any decent person his life should come second to the lives of his kids.

i cant believe hes still playing the poor me card.
one huge thing this website has taught me, these sperm donars who leave their girlfriends pregnant all have one thing in common: Selfish conpulsive lairs. before coming into my own situation and reading other ladies stories on here, i lived in a world where i didnt think men done this sort of thing to women, i thought it was only eastenders youd get a story line like these.
i rememeber when my little girl was a month old i got a similar phone call mid week at 12am, i stupidly offered to come make sure he was ok, so i got my little girl ready and myself and went to get in my car, to then he said he was ok he was just going to bed. this is a way they try control the situation, they are feeling they are loosing control of the situation so pull all sort of shit out of the bag.
stay strong dez, you are by no way over reacting at all, by being strong and not backing down on that last phone call you seen another lie.
i do think within the next week he will try pull all sort of shit out of the bag

xxx

 

[lemontree12]

i agree with Calm about cutting communitcation. if you truely dont want him in your sons life, i would change my number, the csa will work to get the money from him.

 

[Dezireey]

I am thoroughly annoyed to be honest that the scumbag has got away with not paying for his child for 9 months based on me pitying him. I will push now with CSA to get back payments if I can. Frankly, if it leaves him destitute and homeless that is exactly what he deserves for doing this to two kids. OMG, imagine what the other Mother would say if I told her he said her child was dead?, it just beggars belief. If I ever do meet her, I won't say it, its too hurtful. Something like that would break my heart if someone told me that about my child's father.

I felt a bit silly though actually telling him I have contacted CSA, as I thought 'damn, he won't answer calls to them and he will delay things by not answering them etc etc' But I have realised that they have all his financial records and like you said lemon, they just up the % to 20 instead of 15, so if he refuses to answer them or get in touch, they have the information and my information now to just automatically do it. CSA said that the father is given a certain amount of time to contest parentage / discuss etc etc and if he doesn't they start doing things automatically. She did actually say it's easier for them when they have a new case and the father is already registered, so that is a bonus.

I think if he has any sense he won't communicate with me anymore either. I just want to focus on forgetting him. I have probably 4 -5 years before my boy starts asking questions about 'Daddy' so I think that's plenty of time to get over it all and start afresh. Going back to University in September so will meet new people and have lots to focus on then too.

To be honest, I need to work more on the anger I feel towards myself than him for getting involved with such a tool. At my age, I should know better.

Sorry these posts have been so long but I am venting sooo much about this lol

 

[Larkspur]

Jesus Christ, mama, this is probably in the top 10 worst baby-daddy stories I have read here. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. The guy is literally unbelievable.

This time he was very quiet, he knew I would not back down at all. He says ' i may aswell go walk into the sea now then' i said 'clothed or naked? its a bit cold, I suggest you keep your clothes on'

That seems quite restrained of you, I think I probably would have said, "Well, do what you gotta do, at least when I tell our baby his daddy's dead, it'll be true."

Big hug to you; stay strong.

 

[Ceejay123]

Wow, this story has shocked me. What a vile individual! Do you know his ex's name? Anything at all? I'd be in the same position as you, I think all children have a right to know their siblings. My lo has a half brother who's nothing to do with me, and even if I weren't with his daddy I'd push for him to know who his brother is, because siblings mean a lot to me. I definitely think you should appeal to csa. If not, try to get info out of your ex... About time he did something in the best interests of his children.

My ex threatened to kill himself as he was 'depressed' when I wouldn't go back to him. I ran back terrified every time.. The final time however, I laughed and harshly hung up on him. I sent a threat via text message to call the police and ambulance service, and left it at that. Safe to say he's still alive and I finally got rid of him. It's an empty threat x

 

[Dezireey]

Well I wanted to put a lid on this for good but I really want to try and contact this other woman to find out if my son could have access to his brother. I have left another message for him asking him to do this and the baastard cant even do that. I am 39 and dont intend to have anymore kids but it would have been nice to have had a sibling for my son. If he has a half brother then that could be a good thing for him when he is older. What kind of man does what he has done and then pushes the knife in further by not doing this one thing? Unless he is afraid I will uncover more lies? or maybe he doesnt actually want this other woman / kid to know where he lives or something? I have a feeling a man like this has lots of secrets and has left a trail of hurt and / or angry people behind him. I dont think I am the first person he has lied to, nor will I be the last. I used to think, when he first left me that it would break my heart if he was with anyone else but now I think 'jesus I feel sorry for any woman that gets involved with him as she will have a terrible time of it'

 

[calm]

I would say his motivation must be based on more lies. Imagine the amount of lies he has told her, it would be his worse nightmare for you two to talk, I hate to think what sort of shit you would both uncover. I do agree it would be nice for your children to know each other and form a relationship, but I am sure if it depends on him you will never know. If a compulsive liar hates anything its to be found out.

 

[Natsku]

Wow what a disgusting lie to tell!! Well done for standing your ground! I hope you do manage to get in touch with his ex somehow so your baby can know his half-brother.

 

[lemontree12]

how are you dezireey?

xx

 

[Dezireey]

I'm okay sweetie. I have heard nothing since from my Ex. I'm guessing that I did uncover the real truth as he still has not explained himself. Told two of his friends but they haven't got back to me either, so feel a bit stupid doing that. I thought they might know the name of his other child but i think he hasn't told a single person about his past, its been about 13 years, so the friends he has now are different. Had my relative and her son come stay with us to comfort me and take my mind off things so thats been nice. I have all my family ( parents, siblings, cousins etc) FOB has nothing, so he is worse off. my two male cousins want to beat him up but I have stopped that lol. He is not worth it. I can get over FOB and in my heart move on totally but my little LO will always ( biologically) have that scum as a Father and I feel sorry for him. I just want a crystal ball to see into the future and know that it won't matter to my boy that his Father was never around. I hope he will be okay as it will be all he knows anyway ( just having his Mum and mums family).

Hope FOB tells a whopper of another lie to someone else in the future who either a) beats him up for it or b) he ends up in jail where he belongs.

 

[Shezza84uk]

Argg he's a total ass! the most unforgivable lie what a disgusting human being, and then to pretend hes going to top himself omg words fail me..

He is the type that needs calling out in public, I would get a picture of him post it on FB with the words Do you know this sperm donor, Do you have a child by this sperm donor? if so contact me on {insert details} LOL

 

[Dezireey]

Sigh....I have just had a call back from the CSA. My FOB has no fixed address, after his wife divorced him and chucked him out of their home he has flitted back and forth to a caravan park and to friends homes - tons of caravan places here in Devon. So it will now be highly unlikely that they can process my claim. It makes my blood boil, I could get in the car now and drive up the road and knock on his door, why can't they just do that? I just think this adds to the drama. Maybe this Son of a Beaatch has avoided living somewhere permanent and been flighty to avoid paying child support for his other kid and now my LO has just made him worse and become like the bloody phantom. I bet he has emmigrated. I even gave them details of his job. Of course he is not answering his phone to them so they said they will keep trying but if he has no fixed address and he is not getting in touch with them then there is little else they can do.

Ladies I also feel like a right muppett I was so livid and upset by the news that CSA probably won't be able to get the bstard (I wanted vengence of some kind and payback) I went onto the public forum he goes on daily and 'outed' him to all his mates on there. He hangs out with these people socially and they think he is lovely, kind and considerate etc. I just told them the truth of who he really is. Now I feel an idiot, stupid and could I have put my child in danger? I am here home alone, he lives 5 minutes away from me. What if I anger him so much he comes over my place ready to bash the door in?. I should have just shut my mouth and let it go, now I am worried that I have put the safety of my LO in danger.

I think he is too cowardly to come here though but still, I shouldn't have done that. Even though it gives me great satisfaction, I am better than that. I am better than him. There will be no magic miracle that will make him say sorry or be remorseful so why am I bothering?? Grrr I am so angry with myself. He has made me behave like a loony!

 

[lemontree12]

i dont understand the csa seriously, i have said so many times i thought the csa was for the fathers, i always thought they where on my exs side.
there was times when i wish i never reacted how i did, with tellin everyone, but why should i keep his little secret and be like the person that done wrong. do not for one second think you done the wrong thing, he is a scum of the earth and does not deserve to live with this squeeky clean life style he is leading. your son is 100% better of without him. it took me along time to change my way of thought, i used to always focus on the negatives of my daughter not having her father around, until i started to think of the positives of him staying away. would you really want someone who tells sick lies to your son? if things continued how they where going when your son got bigger, his fob would of told him of the brother he had that died, this lie would of spierlled out of control, also what other lies has this man got away with?
im a true believer in everything happens for a reason, and if this lie didnt come out, things would of continued how they where, him coming in and out of both your lives, emotionally blackmailing you, until your son was old enough to be emotionally blackmailed by him also.
i am just so gutted for you that you cant get justice in the form of child support. that man has no heart whatsoever. even after being found out telling the most disgusting lie iv ever heard, he still cant bring himself to do the right thing and pay up, instead he carrys on running.
the only thing i can suggest is be the one who holds the cards now. change your number and cut that man off. im not sure how youd feel about speaking to someone? that man has put you threw some disgusting things mayb talking to an outsider may help. it helped with me

xx