Uprooting just before baby is due....Im feeling so stressed! :(

[friskyfish]

Hi ladies, I will try & keep this brief...I'm just so stressed out & down, I need to vent!!

A year & a half ago, I moved house from Manchester with my 10 year old, 200 miles away down south. This was to be with my husband to live in married quaters as he's in the Navy. My husband isn't my son's real father, my son & I have been on our own since he was 2 & my husband is great with him. At the time of the move, it was for the best & we all looked forward to our new future together. May I add, whilst all this was going on, hubby and were TTC.
Anyway, to cut a long story short...my husband has become really unhappy in the Navy & handed in his notice, he leaves the Navy in September. This means we have to be out of our house & rent down here is unaffordable. Plus we want to start saving to buy our own, rent up north is almost 300 pounds cheaper per month.
After TTC for just over 2 years, to our joy, we became pregnant in February. I am nearly 20weeks.
The thing is, we have no support down here, no family or friends, so believe the best option will be to cut our losses and move back up north.
I'm just so sad, I feel bad on my son as he has fitted in well at school here and we love our house....We live on a lovely estate, all his friends live here...It's so safe too.
Even though he will be going back to a place he knows & back to his old school, I feel like such a bad mum, like I am going to ruin his life by uprooting him again. Every time he plays out with his friends, it breaks my heart as I know he will miss them. He knows we will be moving & I've gone back with him and he's seen all his old friends & was excited, we are lucky that he is sociable & makes friends easily. But I just feel sick to the stomach with it all, I'm constantly worrying about the negative impact this could have. I'm not enjoying my pregnancy as I'm worrying all the time. In September he will be in his last year at primary school, so I believe it's best to move now before he starts at high school next year.
Of course I don't let him see me upset over this.

My husband is away alot, so he doesn't see all this or the stress I'm feeling. I've told him how I feel & he's getting annoyed at me as I'm so negative. But I can't help it, I'm so worried....part of me resents him handing his notice in after we have uprooted to come down here! But I know how unhappy he is in work & how much he wants to be at home with us and the baby. I'm a type 1 diabetic and my first baby daughter was born stillborn 11 years ago, so as well as all this, I have my health to look after & the worry everything will be ok. This is also another reason to move back, to be near family to help if we need it.

What do you ladies think? Am I overreacting? Will my son adapt again?? I'm sick of crying & stressing out so much, I just want to enjoy my pregnancy, but finding it so hard at the minute Xx

 

[daddiesgift]

Stressing yourself over something that can't be changed will only make things worse, especially your health while pregnant. Just continue to tell yourself the positives about him getting out and you having to move you and your son. Kids are so resilient and he sounds very sociable that I'm sure he'll be sad but he won't be damaged for life. If your husband hates his job he will start to hate life as well. I think maybe pregnancy hormones are playing up a bit and stressing are making you feel worse.

We are American and my husband is army so a bit different than navy so I can understand where you are coming from. My oldest will have lived in two different countries and two different states by the time he's even 3.5 years old. We recently, two weeks ago, moved across country. So I understand the moving while pregnant stress and fear. My OH is actually on his way here now but it will still be a day or two before he arrives. I kept stressing myself and feeling weepy, resentful, guilty all this but I just had to remind myself that it is what it is and there's nothing I can do about it. Stressing won't change anything. good luck

 

[friskyfish]

Thank you for replying. I know your right, stressing won't solve anything....I just can't stop, I'm a natural born worrier, really wish I had more of a care free laid back attitude. My son has been through so much already, I just want him to be happy. I'm sure it will all work itself out.

Enjoy your time with your husband Xx

 

[friskyfish]

Arrrgggghhhh...I'm still freaking out and making myself ill over this. Plus my husband has fallen out with me as I Said some horrible things in a text last night...Just stressing....He's home Sunday for 10 days, I don't want us to fall out Xx

 

[vickyandchick]

I'm not surprised that you are stressed, sounds like you are going through a lot of upheaval.
I moved 3 times before I went into year 5 and had been in 2 different schools and none of that ever hurt me. Kids at your son's age are pretty resilient and make friends so easily, it'll probably be easier if his old friends are there and he's excited. Also if your family and friends are there too then that's a good atmosphere for him.
I understand the resentment, I moved from Chester to London to be with FOB and sometimes I felt like he didn't appreciate how hard it was to move and leave all my family and friends behind. However we since moved back up here so I imagine on some level he feels the same.
When your husband gets home just explain how stressed you are, stress and pregnancy makes us do crazy things

 

[Pixiedust22]

Have you spoken to your son about how he feels regarding the move? I think he's old enough to be able to consider how it would affect him and possibly he feels OK about it. I understand it can be stressful but it's one of these things that can't be changed and it really won't damage him for life!

 

[Spiffynoodles]

I moved approximately every 1-2 years since I was born, and even though it sucked, I always adapted to it, made new friends, etc, and so will your son. Just try to relax and think of the positives. You will have all that nesting energy to help you pack and unpack and get your new home ready for the baby.

 

[friskyfish]

Hi ladies....thank you so much for your advice and replys. Im feeling alot better about things now, ive apilogised to my husband for being horrible and hes fine, blaming my hormones. Its true pregnancy does make you alot more emotional about stuff.
I have spoken to my son alot about us moving. We have a very honest and trusting relationship, we have no secrets. Ive obviously not shown him my doubts about moving, i big it up whenever i can, outlining the positives. I know deep down its best moving back now rather than when hes in high school and proper friendships are formed....i still feel bad though. Xx