Vent, Rant, Scream, Ahhhh!

[MRS_HJO]

Okay, I need to vent. I've been holding this in for wayyyyy too long, so bear with me!

I can't stand (and I would say "hate", but it's just such a strong word...) my SIL. Ugh, I just want to punch her.

Let me start this out by saying that all of my SILs (and I have 6 of them), are all around my age, have had healthy pregnancies, and healthy babies... They have no idea what I have been through losing my baby. BUT there is one in particular that I "can't stand".... She is the type of person that has to one-up everybody. If you get a new purse, she has to go out and get a designer purse. When she found out that another one of my SIL and BILs were getting married in March, she had to plan her wedding for January, so she could get married first. When she found out my DH and I were buying a house last year, she had to convince her husband to go out and buy her an even more expensive house, and just walk away from their current condo!!! And when she found out about my m/c (we hadn't told them we were TTC), she immediately decides it is time to start TTC her second child. I didn't want her to know we were trying for that VERY reason... Because she will find some way to get pregnant first. And then God forbid we are pregnant at the same time... She will constantly compare herself to me and say shitty things to put me below her... I can just imagine it now... "oh, I've only gained 20lbs. with pregnancy. You have gained 50?! Oh wow... I can still fit in my "Joe's Jeans"." "Oh, we already bought the new baby that." "Oh, we are having a $5,000 baby shower..." UGH. Shoot me now.

So... this brings me to why I'm so upset with her... Last week it was me, my other SIL, and her sitting at the table dying Easter eggs, and she was going on and on and on about her pregnant friend (who conceived the SAME time as me, and we were supposed to be due the SAME week) right in front of me. When I didn't answer her, or acted like I didn't hear what she way saying, she finally stopped. Remember, this is the SAME SIL who never said she was sorry for my loss, or anything like that.

But now... this weekend, guess what, she has made it public that her and her husband are going away and going to TTC#2!!!!!!!!! The very damn same week that my DH and I are trying again for #1 after our loss. And ya know what, she gets everything she wants, so she will def. get pregnant this month because that's what she wants... To be pregnant before me. I swear, I am not normally an angry or aggressive person, but if she announces her pregnancy and I still have not become pregnant again after my m/c, I will SCREAM. I cannot handle that, I'm telling you right now. Because, here's the thing... I would be happy for her if she wasn't trying to be a bitch and rub it in my face. Bitches be bitches.......

So, here I am praying to God to have mercy on us this cycle so that we can conceive again and finally get our first sticky baby.... Not that I needed anymore reasons to wish it would happen this month, but this just makes me wish for it even more.

Okay, venting complete. Thanks for listening.

 

[darcie]

Just think you wouldn't want to be like her spending her life trying to better everyone, she obviously isn't fully happy with her life or she wouldn't have to put others down like she is. Being cross with her is only hurting you and upsetting you and that won't help you to conceive. When you do get pregnant you will be content with yourself and not trying to impress everyone. Your a better person if anything you should feel sorry for her, spending her life trying to be one better. Don't let her get to you she's not worthy of your energy x

 

[LittleBird]

Ugh, sorry for all the drama. It sounds like she's a really unhappy person and that ickiness is just oozing out of her. And announcing a trip to TTC#2? That's kinda tacky. Like anyone wants to picture what they're going to be doing on vacation.

I don't know if it is possible, because of the family situation, but maybe you can talk to OH and see if you guys can just stay away from her for a little while? You definitely don't need that negative energy when you're trying to make another beautiful little baby! This one is going to stick! I think I'm kinda lucky in that my two BILs aren't married and don't have kids so there is really no pressure on that end. On my side of the family, they're either done (my cousins) or not yet started (my brother). I'm introverted, so during this time I've been spending more time alone and hopefully DH can understand that. It's hard to keep calm when someone asks me, "are you having more?" or, "when are you having more?" I just don't deal well. DH is definitely more social, so he might have friends over to play games or watch something sports-related on TV, but I just do my own thing during that time.

I really hope that he doesn't take those examples the wrong way and avoid BD!

 

[Babybaba]

I'll be praying for you and thinking of you for this cycle honey!!
I know it's easy to say and hard to do, but try and ignore her negatve attitude, how unthougtful and rude is she!!! Unless someone goes through a mc they will never fully understand how it feels, even our OHs struggle to know how it truely feels.... You certainly don't need that negative energy from her Hun, she is not worth it!!
You'll get your bfp, and more importantly you'll get a beautiful baby of your own in your loving arms! It'll happen I know it, good things happen to good people!!!

Sending you baby dust
thinkin of you and try not to stress too much hun, come on here and let it all out and move on to making that gorgeous wee baby that is waiting to call you mummy!
Xoxoxo

 

[hollyw79]

I'm so sorry That's terrible that she couldn't even say she was sorry about your mc and then to go on and talk about that right in front of you~ very inconsiderate. I agree with Littlebird- do you think maybe you could talk to your DH and see about avoiding her for awhile?? I think it's important to surround yourself with people who build you up and who are going to be positive in your life. I know with her being family it's impossible to totally avoid her.. but there definitely is a way to reduce the # of occasions that you do. It sad but there are a lot of people out there like that.. the good thing is that you are not like that .. I feel bad for her.. she must be an unhappy person who is not at peace with herself to be doing those things!

 

[MRS_HJO]

Well, we could try and avoid our weekly family nights (where I see her and everyone else) until I know I'm pregnant this month... BUT, if I don't fall pregnant, I certainly don't feel I would get away with avoiding her until I actually do fall pregnant! It's a nice thought though!

Bottom line is, she should be considerate enough to come to my DH and I and tell us herself that they are pregnant again, but she won't, because she only thinks about herself... Again, same SIL who was at her BILs funeral and telling everyone she was pregnant. SO NOT APPROPRIATE. But that's how she is!

Thank you girls for all of your support and for listening!

 

[MRS_HJO]

Okay, well I've cooled down a bit.

I had a long talk with my MIL who calmed me down about the whole situation, and put a lot of things in perspective.

Basically, if it happens, it will be so crappy for me, but I just need to stop comparing myself to her. She is trying to create a competitive situation, but she will never succeed if I don't compete back. She can't know she is getting to me! So, I'll forever try to be the bigger person here, and just say, "who cares?!"

 

[mandy1971]

One of these days she will fall flat on her face... Believe that.. And who will she cone running to? You my dear... All The one up manship is crazy.. And energy sapping., Enjoy you life at your pace and nobody elses xxxxx

 

[diverdi]

Sounds like your MIL has some good advice. Your SIL must be so insecure to have to keep trying to outdo people, after every encounter you should remind youself how lucky you are not to be her.

 

[LittleBird]

I like your MIL's idea with the "who cares" attitude. Sounds like the two of you have a really close relationship!

 

[JPARR01]

I just want to let you know Heather that I am so excited for you to test this month!!!!!!

 

[MRS_HJO]

LOL, I'm friggin excited too, but also worried I'll see a BFN and be so let down. I should test around the 11th or 12th.

 

[MikaylasMummy]

sounds like a nightmare =( i would hate that i know someone who was like that sortof with me (ohs ex) but she never really succeeded..i just thought it was funny that someone thought i was good enough to copy..take it as a compliment she is obviously threatened by u and insecure in herself to have to do this..i really hope u get ur bfp this month!let us know.xx

 

[MRS_HJO]

So, I had to see her last night. Her and her DH never said one word to my DH and I. I noticed though when I was around, she was very figgitty, messing with her hair non stop, that kind of thing. My DH says they are def. feeling threatened by us right now thinking we will get pregnant before them and steal their spotlight. She just can't have any focus off of her. The fact that she is worried about us getting pregnant with our first, after we just lost a pregnancy, is so damn self-absorbed, petty, and she has no empathy for our loss whatsoever. Why do I even bother with her? She's just not worth my energy... Yet, the fact that she's threatened and acts this way, upsets me so much.

 

[JPARR01]

I wouldn't waste your time with her. You need to focus on yourself and getting that BFP! Take the negativity out of your life and focus on the positive! WOOHOOOOOO