WTF temps.
Appointment was horrible. A nightmare. I was so angry at DH for taking us there.
The doctor said some harsh things to me and he was all like, nodding in agreement.
I was pissed off at him because I was starting to get used to the idea of taking a break, and now here we are, the doctor telling me there's nothing wrong, and why am I so anxious and nervous, and others have a harder time and blah blah and there I was trying to defend myself and sobbing, and something spilled in my bag so my tissues were all wet and I had to wipe my nose on whatever. It was a mess.
I told DH before he needed to do all the talking because it was his idea to go, and he just sat there and didn't say anything.
Now, I do like my doctor, I don't want to switch, he asked a few times if he was being to harsh on me, and he'd stop, the only reason being he wanted to show me it's OK and I'm over reacting.
He gave me more blood clotting tests, and told me to do a hormone blood test and come back before O to check follicles. Then he totally freaked me out when he asked about my red cheeks.
One of the tests is for Lupus, and a symptom is a butterfly rash, while I don't have a red nose, my cheeks are definitely reddish all the time.
He gave DH another SA. When we got home I asked if he's going to do it and he said he doesn't think so. Why should I have all the testing done and not him? He's held off for more than 3 days. Like hell he's not going to do it.
I told DH that I think I'm just more sad for what we lost, and that I can't fill up that emptiness. I need to get over the fact that I'm never going to have a baby born in November 13, or February 14. It's just not going to happen no matter how much I cry.
I don't feel like AF is on it's way, I feel heavy down there. Wouldn't that be a kicker when we come back in 2 weeks for a dating scan and there he is smiling and saying "told you so". I'd totally let him laugh at us.
It's not over until the fat lady sings, right?
xxxxx
