Waiting On What I'm Sure is Going to be Neg

[Dragon_Chaser]

My DH and I have been going with the flow of things for most of our marriage, a kinda if it happens great, but if it doesn't eh. The last couple of months we've gotten a bit more serious about TTC though. Him in particular surprisingly enough, and every little deviation from the norm has ended with him looking at me and going 'Do you think?'

This month we had a large number of deviations, from symptoms that could just be wishful thinking to AF herself. She decided to pop in for a day of 'here I am' then proceed to fade to spotting, and she did so a week early(On the 16th) while not bringing any of her fun and super-painful cramps.

I of course have tested twice- I bought a two pack of Clear Blues on a whim. They came back BFN and I was ready to write it off as just a weird cycle and get on with the show. My DH is a Phleb and works at a hospital though, and we've had two miscarriages in the past. So he talked me into getting a blood test done, and I'm humoring him. Or At least I'm telling myself I am, but as I'm waiting for the results i'm getting nervous.

Finding that sticky bean has been hard, and I already know I'm at a slight disadvantage due to some scarring that is present from early childhood sexual abuse. My DH of course knows about the scarring because the possibility of never actually being able to give him a child weighed heavily on my mind before the wedding last May.

So... I guess what I'm trying to do right now is just find some friendly people to chat with while I wait? Since I'm pretty sure it's going to be a BFN result it's not something I want to call up my mom or sister t chat with about. In fact I'm feeling pretty silly for even getting the test done. -.-

 

[Dragon_Chaser]

Answer: BFN
Response: Brush off the weird AF and get back onto the BDing

 

[klbp15]

I'm sorry to hear about the BFN, even when you think its going to be a no it doesn't make seeing it any easier!

I wish you the best of luck in your next cycle, enjoy your BDing. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!

 

[Dragon_Chaser]

@Klbp15: Thank you. I knew deep down that there wasn't a little bean this time, but my DH's enthusiasm and insistence got my hopes up just a little that maybe I was wrong. I'll be testing after the TWW in March of course. *Crosses her fingers* I really do want to be a mom. My younger sister has two beautiful boys and she's two years younger than me so sometimes.... I get a little jealous

 

[klbp15]

I completely understand! I have a beautiful niece and nephew and every time I get to spend time with them it makes me want this more.

It'll happen (maybe not on timeline we want but it will!)

 

[Dragon_Chaser]

*Sighs dramatically* I know... but I want it NOW!!! lol

 

[KatieMK]

I'm so sorry about the BFN! I just KNEW I wasn't pregnant this month, but when AF was like, five minutes late, I let myself start hoping and the BFN devastated me. Blurg.

We're going to try out SMEPing this month and I bought some OPKs. While I like to pretend I'm a go-with-the-flow person, I'm totally not. I absolutely cannot handle more months filled with TWW than absolutely necessary!

 

[klbp15]

Lol, isn't the waiting awful?!

Before we started trying I didn't even notice my cycle it just was what it was. Now it feels like the whole month is the TWW.

And I have a horrible habit of testing when I should just be waiting

 

[Dragon_Chaser]

I totally pull off the going with the flow type of person.... But inside I'm really a little about the chance of getting my dream of having a baby. Now that my DH is showing interest in adding a LO to our midst i have a feeling I'm going to need to invest in weestick Stock. *Looks innocent* I've read about some good deals on Amazon.... and my mother in law likes sending me Amazon gift cards for my Kindle habit.... so maybe he won't notice that i'm buying a ton of them? ....

@Katie: The results did sting a little even though I was pretty sure there was no bean. It's okay though I still have more months in me

@Everyone: Sticky BabyDust to us all!!!

 

[klbp15]

its a circle of evil, I would love to have more in the house but I know if I have them I'm going to use them when I shouldn't and that just makes it me sad (or feel silly because I know I shouldn't)

Meanwhile though, if you have gift cards....Why not?!

 

[Dragon_Chaser]

@Klbp15: I kinda hoard my gift cards... My DH finds it amusing that I have over $100 dollars on my Amazon account from Gift cards alone. His mom is an awsome lady who I adore, and I'm always finding the cards hidden in things... lol When he gets them they're spent within a day.

As for the excessive testing... from what i'm reading (And this TWW) I think it's normal *Grins*

 

[klbp15]

I agree it sounds like I'm not the only one at least. Thats the nice thing about joining this site. I don't feel so crazy lol

Its great that you are so close with your mother in law and I say buy to your hearts content if you have a gift cards!

 

[Dragon_Chaser]

I'm her first daughter lol. She lives across the country from us, so when I first met her 2 years before we decided to get married I was terrified she was going to hate me. My little sister fights with her mother in law all the time and so do most of the married people I know. I feel blessed that she and I get along so well.

 

[KatieMK]

I can't imagine actively fighting with my MIL, but then again, we don't have any kids yet. If she does something I can't handle (which was maybe once??), I make DH handle it. I fight with my mother, he fights with his. It's been a very workable system so far.

I have been buying the "3 for the price of 2" FRERs on amazon. They have a rebate slip, so you actually only end up buying one box, and then you can get rebates after that. I've managed to keep my habit pretty much in check though. I'm thinking the OPKs will actually help with my need to POAS. We'll see!

 

[Dragon_Chaser]

I'm on Amazon looking at the different OPK's and HPT's now actually.