Want another one Husband does not

[laustiredttc]

Hi Ladies

I'm hoping someone can help.

First of all its been a long time since I last posted on here and it was for very different reasons. I was in the Ltttc forum for a long time before we got our precious miracle man. I have now come full circle and have decided that I would really like another one. Even after all the heart ache of the first round I still have this unrelenting feeling that our family isn't complete.

Unfortunately my DH is in an entirely different boat altogether, he really doesn't want to have anymore. He has given a few reasons, financial, age (he's 37 soon) he thinks he wont love the other as much as our DS to name a few.
The thing is I'm feeling frustrated as there have been a few times when we have talked about it and he seems like he's coming round to the idea? I get all excited only to have my hopes dashed when the next day he categorically says no.
I don't know what to do as this feeling of broodiness and dreams of having one more is getting bigger and its leaving me with a sour taste in my mouth as my husbands changing moods are leaving me confused and slightly resentful.

I don't know what to do if I cant have another, I love my husband even though we have been having a few relationship problems recently. I love my little family as well and breaking that up is the last thing I want to do.

please I need some advice/help

 

[Babybum35]

Hi there. I didn't want to read and run. I am just gonna be blunt and of it helps great though you aren't obligated to take anything I say to heart. I think by reading your post you husband is inching up on 40 and if you and he aren't getting along a new baby means more stress and arguments. I think if having anot her baby is weighing on you and causing more tension in the relationship you need to find a way to speak with him. If it were me I would ask someone to watch your lo for a while cook up some dinner and both of you lay the issued on the table. Whatever those problems are from both sides. Be sure to say to him that the baby thing is weighing on you and you'd like to try but if it doesn't happen then you can be okay you just don't want to regret not trying. Listen to his concerns too and find some way to compromise. I think if it's meant to happen it will but you have to make sure you are doing this for your family not just because you want another baby.

 

[laustiredttc]

Hi and thank you for replying. I did think of those things and I know that my family comes first. Funnily enough we ended up having a good talk last night and we both listened to each other's points of view. We also managed to get a few other issues of our chests in the process which was a huge relief. My husband realised how much this means to me and as a compromise we decided we would visit the subject again in 6 months as in between we will have a lot going on. I feel happy with the outcome and I know my husband feels better we have talked. Thank you for listening and giving your input.

 

[characterbldr]

This sounds like a tough situation. I hope you are able to have more open discussions. I have started hard discussions with my husband by asking more questions and painting a picture/describing our possible future with what we are deciding on. Sometimes, he has leaned my direction and other times, I have had to respect his choice. Sometimes it takes a bit of time, also. Have you looked into any counseling to talk things through? I’ll be thinking of you as you keep discussing.

 

[Stormynights]

I see you guys came to a sort of agreement... but I just want to chime in to give you some hope. DH was very very adamant that he did not want anymore children... I asked him for about a year every month and got a firm no... his reasons were different than yours, but he finally came around and said we could try... and 9 months after we started trying I fell pregnant with baby #2. Men change their dang minds so much! He's now happy and excited about our addition coming in the new year!

 

[bump.on.brain]

I'm glad you were able to chat about it and come to an agreement - talking about it and the impact him changing his mind has on you was going to be the only advice I had really...

Although I'm also another person whose DH didn't want a second for a long time (would waver to have some doubts but then back to no) but now is probably pushing for it more than I am!

 

[laustiredttc]

Thanks ladies it was such a relief to have an open and honest discussion with my DH. It was also kind of heart wrenching to listen to him listing his reasons and why as I had no idea how deep he felt. I think allowing him to process his feelings out loud helped him to think about it with me. So yeah it's not a definite no or a yes yet but there is hope and that's all I could ask for at this point.
Interesting to know men who have changed their minds as well. My husband is a very stubborn man but hopefully he will see that our family will be enriched by another child. If not then I realise that's ok too as we have a lovely family and I'm blessed.

Thank you ladies for sharing

 

[WackyMumof2]

Let me do a flip for you if I can. We have our 4th baby on the way. We have 4 sons. I always said that if hubby never got his girl, I was done at 4 regardless. But upon finding out, he asked me if I would one day consider one more try. While I haven't completely disregarded his feeling about wanting a little girl, I haven't given him false hope that I will do it again either. He was actually really sweet about it when he requested it and said to me as much as he would love to have his own little girl, it's my body that has to endure pregnancy and labour so the final say if my call. While he will be upset if I do say no, he's also supportive and understanding. For me at the moment, there are a LOT of factors to consider and the biggest for me are wanting to finish my study and start a career and hopefully buy my own home in the next 3 years. So it won't even be up for discussion in that period. But in 3 years I'll be 35-36, hubby 36-37. I don't even know if we will feel young enough to even try then the medical risks are there too. In 2 years time the kids will be 13, 11, 5 and 3. Ideally I would like to do away with the nappies for good but I also never said no either.

 

[Flip flop]

Hi I’ve been in this boat for a few years now, it’s been 3/4 yearss now since I’ve been wanting to try for a second (ds is now 5). His reasons are it’s too stressful and he doesn’t think we can afford (even tho we can). Anyway it’s caused much friction in our relationship and there’s been times when I’ve tried to put pressure on him but that wasn’t the right approach as think it made him want it less. He agreed in the past then gone against it a couple of times. Last new year was the last time this happened but after we chatting about it last year we Agreed we would try in another year, so 2018. We have discussed a few times since and think we are still on track but not getting too excited incase he does it again. But to be honest I’m not sure I could forgive him if he backed out again.