Wanting a baby young - help!

[Dream.A.Dream]

Hey everyone,

Hoping you can help me. I'm very nearly 19 and have wanted a baby more than anything since i was about 16. People keep telling me i have to wait until i'm older (including my boyfriend) but i've always said i don't want to wait until i'm older to have children.

It's got so bad that i feel thoroughly miserable and sometimes cry when i get my periods even though i know that i've been taking all my pills. The problem is i've started to wonder whether i should just stop taking them and not tell my boyfriend although i know this is wrong.

HELP!

xx

 

[Sambatiki]

Hi Katy,

I really don't know what to say to you. Im sure that you already know how huge a responsibility having a baby is and how expensive they are. Have you had a really good chat with your BF. What does he think??? Maybe see if you can put a date on TTC in the future?? How old is your BF? How long have you been together??

I hope that you manage to sort everything out.

Let me know how you get on



Kerry

 

[Mummy2B1806]

I really wouldn't recommend coming off the pill without discussing things with ur BF - This needs to be a joint decision.

Do u really think you are ready to have a baby? Financially, emotionally etc.
How is u and your BF relationship.
Me & my Fiance are both in good paying jobs, but with all the bills etc even we are going to cut back to cope with all the extra's.
I think u should think of all these things (if u havnt already) and talk to ur boyfriend. Do u live together?

Take care hun and always here to talk.

xx

 

[Zarababy1]

Im not far off 21 and about to have my first baby
I wanted a baby from beeing about 18 when i was in a previous relationship and the same as your self thought about stoping my pill without my partner knowing, when i look back im sooo glad i didnt because not long before i turned 19 we split up
I got with my fiance about a year and 3 months ago we got engadged within 4 months (we have been friends from beeing 14) and i was pregnant in 6 months we did talk about it, we still knew we were very young to be parents and hadnt been together that long but my partner is in the armed forces and i have a very stabel job at a bank we knew it was the right time for us.
I couldnt be happyer i waited for the right time and the right person, having a baby is a really big thing its somthing that ties you to another person for the rest of your life i think you need to make sure its somthing your both ready for!
Good luck i know its hard to want somthing so much you wanna cry but when it happens for you it will be the right time and i hope your very happy

 

[NatalieW]

Katy,

You have to think whats right for you and your bf... I've always wanted a baby from 16, but now 10years later it is the time for me.. Don't come off the pill without talking to your bf otherwise he won't respect you, it is meant to be a joint decision and would you want to lose him?

What pill are you on? Contraceptive pills can make you unhappy I was on one which I changed and found the right one for me...

Nx

 

[porkpie1981]

Definat;y do not come of th epill without him knowing as he will resent u for it if you become pregnant. At the mo im off the pill and my oh knows but we have still be bding so he knows the risks

I hope u get everything sorted

 

[welshwarriors]

Pregnancy should be a joint decision...speak to your bf!

 

[honeybunch2k7]

Whatever you do, please notify your bf beforehand if you stop taking the pills.


I'm sorry hun.

I'm not quite so young, but I really want a baby,too. I'm 21 and still get told I'm too young.

 

[AppleBlossom]

Don't just come off your pill without telling your bf, it's not to fair to 'trap' him like that as something so important needs to be a joint decision and will only cause problems if you fall pregnant without having a proper talk about it first. You are still young, I'm only 19 and didn't intend to fall pregnant. I wish I'd waited but now it's happening I don't regret it. You need to think about all aspects of having kids, not just the idea that it would be nice to have a baby to cuddle. The financial aspects, the time and commitment, the responsibility, all need to be thought about very carefully! Try not to pressure your bf into anything though. And if you decide to try then good luck, a 19 year old can have the ability to bring up a child as much as anyone else x

 

[Dream.A.Dream]

Thanks for all the responses
I'm on Microgynon and have been for years and years so i don't think it could be that. I think i should probably talk to him properly about it because i don't think he realises that i'm really serious about it. And although we don't live together we may as well. I spend every single night at his for months at a time. And he's about to start a well paying job so financially i know it's possible. I guess i just need to talk and see what he says. xx

 

[blondie_]

Whatever you do dont stop taking your pills. Its not fair on him and could cause the relationship to break up.If youve been saying you want a baby then suddenly fall pregnant he might suspect what you have done. Tell him you feel though and talk to him about it.

 

[Chris77]

Hi Katy,

As far as wanting a baby so young. A baby is a HUGE responsibility and life as you know it will come to screeching halt as soon as he/she is born. At 19, you have PLENTY and I do mean PLENTY of time for a baby. I KNOW how badly you want a child right now. But, there are soooooo many things to experience first that would be very difficult, if not, impossible to do with a baby. Also, from personal experience, I can tell you that what you may want at 19 is COMPLETELY different than what you may want at 25 or even 23. My advice is to wait - ENJOY being a teenager!

Definitely do NOT stop taking your pills without first talking it over with your boyfriend. It would be very unfair and irresponsible to do that to him. It should be a joint decision. Maybe you can commit to a date in the future when it would good to havea baby. Take the time now to do all the things you want to do in life, save up ALOT of money (baby's are quite expensive). If you do things that way, (as prepared as you think you are now_ you'll find that you'll be much more prepared to have a baby and it will be a more joyous experience for you.

 

[x_Rainbow_x]

im nearly 21 and i first fell pregnant at 19, me n my fella didnt live together he was away alot but id always wanted a baby... unforchantly i lost the baby but 2 months later i married my fella an we realised how much we was struggling with money i wanted my baby so much but looking back we would have struggled. we never planned that child and my partner was a bit funny at first coz baby wasnt on our plans just yet.
2 years later we are settled got our finances in check and were both ready body mind and money to support a child.

you need to talk to your partner as if he isnt ready then youl have to wait. it has to be a disicon you both make as there are to many babys being born in to single familys these days.
just stay on your pill for now untill your both ready, living together and settled its the best environment for you all.

 

[Dream.A.Dream]

I'm waiting for an opportunity to talk to him about it and explain how i really feel. If i can get him to say that we can start to try once i finish uni then i'll be happy with that.

I've realised that i definitely shouldn't just stop taking my pills and even went to the docs today for my check up and to get some more

 

[WaitingForYou]

Katy; I wanted a child since I was about 12. My only ambition in life is to have a family, and make my children happy. But believe it or not I did not plan to get pregnant, I'm not unhappy about it, but I wish I was in a more stable financial situation. Me and OH have been together for 10 months and are more like best friends than anything. I love him with all my heart and hope to spend the rest of my life with him, I dont want anyone else. Might sound a bit niave as I am only 18 but that is truly how I feel.

I wish you the best of luck, but please do not come off the pill without discussing becoming a parent with your boyfriend. You have to both be ready for a child, its a massive step and can be a massive strain on a relationship. There are alot of things to consider whilst try to have a baby or thinking about bringing one into the world.

 

[Younglutonmum]

I'm waiting for an opportunity to talk to him about it and explain how i really feel. If i can get him to say that we can start to try once i finish uni then i'll be happy with that.

I've realised that i definitely shouldn't just stop taking my pills and even went to the docs today for my check up and to get some more

You've definitley made the right choice hunni!!

Good luck for when you do TTC

 

[leeanne]

Oh gosh no. Don't go off the pill without your boyfriend's knowledge.

You cannot do this to someone. How could he possibly trust you after if you do in fact do this?

Speaking from experience, my OH has fathered two children because of two women who tried to manipulate him. He ended up telling both he was not going to be in a relationship with them. Now OH has to pay child support to both. Was that fair to him? Yes, sure, he shouldn't have had sex with either but it happened. Funny though, when he had been in a long-term relationship with both at different times, they never got pregnant then.

I think your boyfriend is being sensible in wanting to wait and try for a baby. You truly need to listen to him and don't dupe him into it. That's not fair.

Imagine too it backfiring on you and he left you?

 

[leeanne]

I've just also read your post about speaking to your boyfriend about perhaps trying after uni.

Good plan honey!

 

[dizzy65]

hey there..

You and me where in the same situation.. I wanted a baby ever sence i was real young younger than u sence i was about 13 actaully ha ha... I never had a steady boyfriend tell about the age 16, when i was 16 i accidently fell pregnant i was over joyed but my body was WAY to small to carry the baby (waa) i was only like 90 pounds and only like 4'8 in heigh... it was not healthy at all and to add i was anorexic... any way... i am 18 now and i fell pregnant again on purpose this time ... my boyfriend doesnt feel ready but i do... so yeah.... he wanted to last month but this month he is really scared about it...

So my advice too you is do what u want, i think that if u really want this make your boyfriend c this, and talk it over with him.. Stop taking the pill and let it happen..

Hope eveything works out for ya hunni XOXO

 

[Dream.A.Dream]

I'm going to wait for a good opportunity to discuss it with him properly. Then based on his reaction and what he says i'll decide. But thinking about it i think i'm going to wait until i've finished my degree and then hopefully start ttc pretty much straight away x