Wanting to TTC following a missed miscarriage at 9 + weeks OH says not ready, anyone

[Niamh]

Hello all,
Am new to this so appologise in advance if it's wrong!!
I had a missed miscarriage at 9+ weeks and had medical management (which physically was ok, I had frightened myself to death reading some others experiences but personally I found it physically ok, mentally on the other hand was a living nightmare
I now want to TTC again....I am 31 and I feel like I am ready, may sound soon and maybe there's a selfish part of me but I am desperate for a child. My problem is that my OH isn't ready to try again it has caused a strain on our relationship...wondered if anyone else has been in a similar situation?
I am sorry to all that have lost their little angels love to you all
Xxx
P.S If anyone is about to have medical management and wants me to share my experience feel free to message me (most of the websites I found were mainly horrific stories I know everyone is different but it would have helped me to hear a few less horrific stories to balence it out a bit!!!
Thinking of you all xxx

 

[hollyw79]

I'm sorry I'm sure it's bc he is scared and also wanting things to maybe calm down a bit. I think you should have a sit down conversation with him about it and tell him how much you want to and how you are ready...

Does he want another child .. just not now?? If he does~ I am sure you can probably convince him to start trying again fairly soon!

 

[Niamh]

Nice to meet you Holly, thank you for the advice sweetie... I will take it! Not sure why he feels like that, he says we'll try again but not yet guess I will just have to wait....not the most patience person... lol!!
Wishing you all the luck with your TTC xxx

 

[firsttimer1]

Everyone takes a diff amount of time to get some closure on what happened after a MC. my oh at first wanted to wait - but not we are NTNP before my first af following the mc. so things can change.

talk to him about how you both feel over some wine - and be honest. good luck. x

in terms of med management - i wrote up my experience and some of it wasnt pleasant - as everyone has to be honest. I ended up having a natural MC and i wish someone had prepared me for the contraction pains, as i literally thought i was in trouble. So always best to be honest. xxx good luck again xxx

 

[hollyw79]

Nice to meet you Holly, thank you for the advice sweetie... I will take it! Not sure why he feels like that, he says we'll try again but not yet guess I will just have to wait....not the most patience person... lol!!
Wishing you all the luck with your TTC xxx

I'm the SAME way. We didn't try HARD the 1st month.. but the next month we gave it our all.. but this past month I was in the hospital and ended up needing surgery - my DH wanted me to skip this month... and I begged him not to- I told him how much it meant to me and how I am going to be 32 here shortly and that time really isn't on my side.. it's not like I am 20 anymore.. and with a little push of how important it was to me.. he agreed. I think he just cares so much about you and that's why!

 

[Niamh]

Thanks firsttimer1
Firstly want to apologise I didn't mean to offend anyone with the experience of medical management at all, everyone is different just felt it was good to have lots of different peoples perspectives on it...I in no way wanted to offend anyone!!! I think it's good for people to read best and worst case senerios (it did help me reading others experiences as I felt a little more prepared).
Glad your TTC maybe a honeymoon baby wish you buckets of baby dust!!!
And thanks for your advice, will try and communicate a little better with him. Guess sometimes you don't realise how tough it is on the partner aswell! I think because it was more physical on my body I assumed when I felt ready
he would too!! Have a great wedding and honeymoon, fingers crossed for you x

 

[firsttimer1]

oh no, did my message come across badly? i wasnt offended at all - thats what happens when i wirte rushed replies lol

everyones experience of mc is sooooo different - no one should be scared of t tho. even tho its not particularly pleasant, we all get thru it. The emotional side of things is defo worse!

maybe your oh will change hi mind if you talk to him about how u feel. just make sure you word it ''i feel that..(feelings)'' rather than ''you are ....(doing something wrong)''. Im a psychologist and honestly its the best thing i ever learnt to do!

- sorry if you said already - when did you have your MC? how many weeks ago? Not that it matters as you will know when you feel physically and emtionally ready. quite a few of us on the ''ttc after a loss'' forum are NTNP bfore the first af. xxx

 

[Niamh]

Thanks Holly sorry to hear about your surgery hope you are recovering well!!! I know what you mean about the age thing...bet there's some people out there laughing at us thinking we're still spring chickens lol but I think it's how you feel!!! Thanks for sharing your story with me such a great feeling to know your not alone, which is definatly how I felt at first!! Nice to have a place to come and be able to talk openly. Xx

 

[Niamh]

Thanks first timer
Your right I haven't had a first AF yet miscarriage was 3 weeks ago (gosh it sounds like I am selfish for not wanting to wait) bleeding has now stopped sorry if TMI but had my follow up scan and doctor said all was cleared and I could try if I wanted too as he wasn't aware of any reason to wait apart from that it is difficult to date the pregnancy but he said that's not a major problem- have also had neg preg test! Maybe when I write it down it does seem a little quick but I feel ready...I will never forget my loss and I am not sure how I would feel if I get a BFP soon obviously HAPPY but also nervous to get too excited in case we endure the same again!
Thanks for your advice on the wording will definatly try that one your a psychologist...wow..great to have your opinion. I am a nurse love my job had a few weeks off though but back soon, think it will do me good maybe take my mind off it a little and realise there's always someone worse off!!!!
Thanks for posting really nice to meet you and have a place to come that's friendly xxx
Take care Hun and I wish you all the luck in the world x

 

[kosh]

hi niamh,
i too had a MMC in december and at first my DH did not want to start TTC straight away either. in fact, he did not want to TTC at all! it was not that he did not want a baby, but he'd seen me suffering so much that did not want me to go through that again, if that makes any sense. tbh, he did not last long, and 2-3 weeks later we were TTC again!

i'm glad you had experience with the medical treatment. it did not work for me (it seems that i am within the 20%) and after a full day of contractions i had to go surgery anyway!

 

[Niamh]

Thank you for your reply Kosh, sorry for your loss but thank you for sharing your experience with me.. It helps truly! Am so glad to hear that I am not the only one who's OH for a minute I felt like I was the only one who's OH didn't want to TTC again...but congrats I see your no longer TTC I wish you lots of luck and baby dust...
Sorry to hear your medical management didn't go well...feel so guilty now for what I said about mine :/ wishing you a happy healthy baby....good luck and thanks for sharing your expirence with me xxx wish some guys would share their experiences, be good to hear!!!
Take care of yourself and much awaited beany x

 

[firsttimer1]

Thanks first timer
Your right I haven't had a first AF yet miscarriage was 3 weeks ago (gosh it sounds like I am selfish for not wanting to wait) bleeding has now stopped sorry if TMI but had my follow up scan and doctor said all was cleared and I could try if I wanted too as he wasn't aware of any reason to wait apart from that it is difficult to date the pregnancy but he said that's not a major problem- have also had neg preg test! Maybe when I write it down it does seem a little quick but I feel ready...I will never forget my loss and I am not sure how I would feel if I get a BFP soon obviously HAPPY but also nervous to get too excited in case we endure the same again!
Thanks for your advice on the wording will definatly try that one your a psychologist...wow..great to have your opinion. I am a nurse love my job had a few weeks off though but back soon, think it will do me good maybe take my mind off it a little and realise there's always someone worse off!!!!
Thanks for posting really nice to meet you and have a place to come that's friendly xxx
Take care Hun and I wish you all the luck in the world x

Your not being selfish at all - YOU know when your ready, be it before an AF or after. Im NTNP and ive not had my AF - SO IM THE SAME!

ive had my BFN though so sounds like we are in VERY similar boats! I wish you all the luck in the world - im sure it wont be long until you have a BFP to be happy about, GOOD LUCK!