Was anyone not maternal at all?

[Kmx]

Did this change for you once you had your baby?

My sister is due to have her baby in the next couple of days, her waters broke last night at 36 weeks. I am a bit worried about her and I can't relate to her as I am extremely maternal and have wanted kids since I was born I think. LOL!

My sister got pregnant unexpectedly and her partner wasn't supportive but has since came round to the idea although he seems petrified still. They both admit they did not want children.

So I wonder, was there anyone else who did not feel maternal at all and did not want children? My sister was even considering adoption until around 15 weeks. She does seem a lot more excited as time goes on but it does still concern me slightly, like how will she cope. The baby is due to come earlier than expected and she's very upset as she doesn't feel organised or prepared.

I remember really stuggling for the first 3/4 months of my sons life. And I felt completely prepared before him. I guess I'm just worried she's bound to get postnatal depression or something . Can anyone relate or share their experiences of not feeling exactly maternal and them changinh completely once the baby is here?

I don't live in the same country as my sister or my nephew but would like to offer as much support as I possibly can and I despretly want her to be happy. I have booked 2.5 weeks off of work to go and see them and try to support her. So any advice would be grateful!

 

[AK89]

Yes! My sister was not maternal AT ALL. Even when we had a baby sister when we were teenagers, she was never interested. She got pregnant unexpectedly too, neither of them wanted a baby (plus she found out at 19 weeks!) She is an amazing mum now. She took to it like a duck to water. It was really nice to see Now they're talking about having more!

 

[horseybird]

I wasn't particularly maternal. Never hated children but didn't desparately want them. But I was delighted to be pregnant and love being a mummy.

I'm sure with your support she will be a great mummy. Will she have much support from family where she lives?? Xx

 

[RaspberryK]

I think I was more maternal before children than I was after

On a serious note, I've known people in similar situations and they have been great mums.

Xx

 

[staralfur]

I was not maternal at. all. I had been saying I didn't want kids for as long as I could remember. My DH and I had talked about it a lot, too, and I was adamant that we would be happier without kids. Even now with my own kid I still am not a "kid person", I don't get all gushy over other people's newborns (unless they're close friends) and I find 90% of the kids I meet to be quite irritating.

I got pregnant at 22, it was a complete shock, I cried for days. I was honestly devastated. I considered all options I had for about a week and then start warming up to the idea.

After my LO was born I didn't feel that instant amazing bond. I was just overwhelmed. I didn't have PND but I didn't love being a mom and I found it incredibly stressful and lonely. It certainly didn't help that my LO was high needs, but I don't think I really would have loved it regardless. I did absolutely everything for her, I breastfed around the clock, I pumped when I was away, I coslept, she was the centre of my world 24/7 and I loved her dearly, but it was not a magical time in my life.

Now that she's 3 and I've done a bit of growing up myself, I can say with no hesitation that I love being her mom. She is my best friend. I spend all day every day with her and sometimes I still miss her after she goes to sleep!

I think that for those of us who aren't maternal it can take some time. Babies kind of suck for those of us who don't generally like them. The maternal instincts do kick in, enough that you love them and you'll do anything for them, but that "I'm so happy to be a mom" glow might take a little longer to kick in.

 

[mummyruston]

Embarrassingly yes. Even though my 3yo DD was wanted and tried for I was never overly maternal. Even pregnant I didn't particular bond with my DD in the womb and was actually a little worried. I wasn't one for other people's babies or anything. I wasn't dismissive but other people's children didn't make me broody or maternal.

Theoment my dd was born - my heart started to beat. I've never felt such emotion. My whole life changed in that split second and my enviable career, my social life, etc was worthless. Motherhood just become me - I can't explain it but she made me a mum. She made my heart beat and I gave up all the material stuff to be a stay at home mum - something all my friends couldn't believe! The high flyer turned stay at home!

So yes, the maternal spark can indeed be ignited at the birth of your first child.

 

[justplay91]

I've never liked kids. Didn't know if I wanted any. Then we got a surprise bfp and 8 months later my son was born. I still don't like babies or children, but I very much love and enjoy my own!

 

[katherinegrey]

We planned both babies and my family were terrified I'd be awful as I never showed any interest in children or babies. The first nappy I changed was my sons when he was born!
I still don't like kids much. My own? I adore them. I love love love being a mommy. I feel like it's my calling. Not being fond of other people's kids is still part of me though! I certainly don't dislike any child, I just don't want to mother every child I meet. She may surprise you, my mother still tells me once a week how glad she is I took to it so well!

 

[Tigerlily01]

I still don't like babies or children, but I very much love and enjoy my own!

^^Yes, this. My son's birth was the happiest moment of my life. The next 6 months were rough, since I am not a baby person, but once he hit about 8 months and was fun/interactive/could self-entertain so I could have a few moments to do 'me' stuff now and then, it's been awesome. The beginning is hard if you aren't a baby person...or even if you are. Try to encourage her to get out and meet people rather than stay isolated at home, and to take time for herself if she can find someone to watch LO now and then. It helps. A lot. And it gets more fun as they get older and less needy.