Was u made to feel guilty because not bf?

[familygirl30]

I was in hospital 10 days as baby was born 5 weeks 2 days early,I tried to breast feed but struggled and found it wasn't for me,so I expressed and now wanting to go on to formula as expressing 8 times a day not practical when out and about.So got a feeling people b judging again

 

[MindUtopia]

I've not felt judged at all, but frankly I'm harder on myself as I don't want to be on formula and wanted desperately to BF. We did for awhile but I became sick and had to express (and like you found expressing didn't work for me, I just didn't get much milk from it, could express 6 hours a day and not get more than one bottle on a good day, eventually supply just dried up despite pumping). I've actually found the opposite, more people have told me how great it is that I switched to formula because 'it's easy' and 'breast milk isn't any better anyway', which frankly pisses me off. I do think breast milk is better and I don't like using formula, but in our situation, it was the only option. I know people are just trying to be nice and probably make me not feel so bad, but I wish someone would offer up some praise for the BF I did do (10 weeks) rather than talk about how little it mattered.

But regardless, it's your baby and only you know what's right for you. Your friends and family aren't going to be the ones struggling with a sleepy premie baby who has trouble latching and they aren't going to be the ones attached to a pump all day. Only you can make the decision that works for you. I did feel awkward at first pulling out a bottle to feed my baby when all my friends were BF, but they were very understanding and supportive and eventually it got to the point where it didn't feel as uncomfortable anymore. I think time helps everything so hang in there. Be thankful you were able to express as much for your baby as you did. That's wonderful!

 

[Rachel_C]

Like the previous poster, I was never made to feel bad by anybody other than myself. I hated it when people would saying things like "Oh well, lots of mums can't breastfeed" or "Well at least now your husband gets to do the night feeds" or "I used formula for all of my kids and they're fine, breastfeeding is overrated" etc, like it really didn't matter when it did matter to me. My husband said a few of those in the early weeks after switching until I totally flipped at him once - he never said it again

 

[Jendra]

I was shamed by one person at the hospital once.
Her *Smile* "Lovely baby. All mother's milk?"
Me *Shakes head no*
Her *Frown*

Generally, though, everyone around me knew I wanted to BF, got sick and then couldn't.

 

[fides]

many, many times:
- frowns while giving a baby a bottle in public
- dirty looks from people and even a verbal "UGH!" from another mom while shopping for formula in the baby aisle
- strangers coming up and asking if the bottle is pumped breastmilk and when i say no them giving me a look - one went on to ask if he gets breastmilk at home
- countless condescending comments from friends who BF
- women at play groups - as soon as i find another FF mom and we'll be talking the two of us, then they'll but in the conversation and start complaining about how hard BF is and how we're just sooo lucky to have it easier - again, condescending...
- the poster on the wall at the pediatrician's office listing 100 supposed reasons for why Breast is Best (most of the reasons on there are myths unsupported by scientific data)
- every formula can that says BREAST IS BEST or some similar comment

those sorts of things.

 

[cat lover]

I find that so shocking! i think im lucky where i live, i combi feed and have never felt judged about either feeding method. here noone seems to care. i dont get why anyone judges or thinks its their business. fides, i cant believe strangers asked you if it was ebm

 

[fides]

yeah, i think it just depends on where you live - here in Colorado, the push is for everything to be green, organic, healthy, sustainable, etc, so i think that's why people are extremely pro-breastfeeding and judgmental of anyone who isn't. my neighbor said in Zimbabwe where she's from, it's like what you're saying it is in London - people don't care either way when it comes to feeding baby - wish that were the case everywhere!

 

[cupcaker]

I was the worst judge on myself for ages. I honestly think if I hadn't read around quite so much, (most of which on this forum to be honest ) I wouldn't have punished myself so badly when I swapped to FF. I read TOO much about breastfeeding and became too informed and so "on side" with breastfeeding..I kinda wish I'd been a bit more oblivious so it wasn't so hard when I swapped. At the end of the day, we all know BF is 'best' we're not idiots. But it really is in your face.

Sometimes I felt people made me feel bad by accident. I had a really mammothly hard time BFing and most family members knew I was struggling. I remember BFing my son once and his great grandparents making light comments such as- "oooh, whatever you're giving him must be GREAT stuff!" (because baby was putting on weight well etc). So naturally when people pass comment like that, it made it feel more difficult to stop. My parents were very supportive. They were pushing more towards FF because they saw the state I got in. As did the doctor..very supportive again. My partner was okay with me swapping but I'm not sure he truely understood just how hard I found it...I sometimes wonder if he thinks it was to take an 'easy' way out. Once I made the final decision to swap, a whole can of people (work mates, friends mums, my own friends etc) opened with stories of how they had such similar experiences and FF. Made me feel much happier that the entire world around me didn't BF!

 

[Jendra]

I was the worst judge on myself for ages. I honestly think if I hadn't read around quite so much, (most of which on this forum to be honest ) I wouldn't have punished myself so badly when I swapped to FF. I read TOO much about breastfeeding and became too informed and so "on side" with breastfeeding..I kinda wish I'd been a bit more oblivious so it wasn't so hard when I swapped. At the end of the day, we all know BF is 'best' we're not idiots. But it really is in your face.

I hear you.

One problem is too many people (Even supposed experts) actually believe all breastfeeding issues can be easily solved: Nipple cream! Nipple shields! Nursing vacation! Eat oatmeal! Drink more water! Fenugreek! Domperidone! And so on.

I mean, it's as though the breast is not allowed to malfunction. The rest of the body can fail you, like your pancreas not making enough insulin, or your eyes needing glasses or your skin getting eczema, or your digestion system dealing with Crohn's disease. But not the breast! Somehow it's expected to be a perfect system that rarely fails.

We're very lucky to have issues in this day and age with such high quality formula. Past generations had far fewer good options.

 

[Dk1234]

I bf for 9 months and only quit because I was pregnant and dried up but I found the opposite. Everyone assumed I formula fed and some thought bfing was gross. Where I am ff is totally the norm. I mean one of the most common symbols associated with a baby is a bottle. I think most places in America it's the norm to ff. if you look at bfing rates you can clearly see most women don't bf so I don't know why people would make you feel guilty