We aren't married - what to do about last name?

[loeylo]

That's a tough one Tasha. Could you not add your name into the kids names and make a new name for all of you?

I can't ever imagine my name being anything other than it is now. If my oh's last name wasn't ridiculously long it would be a no brainer!

 

[Tasha]

We could I guess but the only thing that connects me and Honey and Riley Rae is the name, so I am not sure. Maybe one day.

My nephew has a hyphenated surname, it's 12 letters but because it flows well, it isn't a problem. Do yours and OH sound good together? Is your little girls first name really long?

 

[jessmke]

I guess where I maybe differ is that I don't know if I would take his name anyway.

But could you compromise and give baby his last name.. And whether you keep yur own, hyphenate, or change yours is up to you later

I could yes, but I don't really want to. Our baby is part of both of our families and I would like her name to reflect that. If that makes sense? It's just the whole concept of taking the mans name I disagree with.

I felt the same way as you did, I didn't like the idea that everyone takes the man's last name because he is the 'head of the household'. It seemed very old fashioned and sexist to me. That is why I will be keeping my own last name when we marry, it is my name and part of my identity. The baby, however, does not yet have a name, so you either double barrel or someone has to give. We were against double barreling, and I decided to let the baby have my OH's last name. I was fighting it because I felt it was unfair to the woman in the relationship, but the truth is that my OH does not see himself as superior in our relationship, that's not what the baby's last name represents to him. I was fighting an ideal that didn't even exist in our relationship. The bottome line is that he felt strongly that having his last name as a way for him to be a part of the baby's identity since the mother is the one who does most of the early child rearing. Why should the baby takes the man's name? Well, why should it take the woman's name? Either way someone is excluded, but it doesn't mean one person is more important or superior in the relationship than the other. I think if you are both happy with double barrelling, then that's a great compromise.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I won't and didnt give up my name either! I feel proud my kids have my name too!

 

[cherrished]

My DS1 has my partners last name, we had been together since I was 16 and we had zac when I was 21 so already was together for 5 years, and planned to get married in the near future, now we are having DS2 he will also have OH last name as we are still together (not married as yet till 2018) but ive been with him for 11 years now, so we may aswel be married just not on paper, even if we did split (hopefully we never would but if we did) im still happy for both my sons to have his last name as he is their father and has been there since day 1 and hopefully that would never ever change either way xxx

 

[StaceyM]

My husband and I are married, but we have different last names. I decided to keep my maiden name because I was used to it, and it seemed easiest. When our daughter is born she will have his last name, but honestly it doesn't really matter in my opinion. It's just a name. I'm a teacher so I see a lot of parents, and I've noticed that some couples who are like us - married/committed but with different surnames - use the mother's maiden name as one of their child's middle names. That way you avoid the long hyphenation issue, but your baby does essentially have both of your names. Just a thought.

 

[Tristansmom]

I capitulated to my (now) ex's demands that my son have his last name - and I regret it every minute. Wish I'd at least hyphenated it.

 

[minties]

Our kids have OH's last name. Not much thinking went into it - it was MacWhirter versus Anderson and I hated my last name as a kid. Anderson is nice and easy for anyone to pronounce.

 

[Nuttymum2015]

My daughter has my partners surname. After all it is his child, and I Will take my partners surname when we marry.