mrsneish2b
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I hope i dont upset anyone in here I just thought id post our story,
Last year was probably one of those very high then very low years for my husband and I ,
I came off the depo injection in May 2008.. by my first bleed in december I had fallen pregnant we were as you can imagine over the moon!! but it was short lived, at 5 weeks I bled, heavily and the hospital just patted my back and said how common it was, better luck next time, in our excitement we had told everyone and now had to tell them all our sad news... a small part of me felt embarrassed, like a fool,
We started trying straight away the desire to be pregnant was so strong that i couldnt bare to wait, and by sheer luck I got my bfp 3 weeks after our first loss..
we cautiously told our family if the worst was to happen then surely we'd want support! I had morning sickness, tender and inflated boobs! my clothes got tighter! but my paranoia made me convince my DH to come to a private scan at 8 weeks, the nerves we felt as we waited to be seen a mixture of excitment and fear!!
As I lay on that bed and watched the black and white image of a bean, our bean, she flicked the image to infrared.. there was plenty of activity reds oranges but in the centre it was just black and white, no blood flow, no heartbeat,
We had lost again at 8 weeks. and we had no idea, I think with MMC thats almost the worst part, the plans you make, all the sypmtoms, all for nothing, My baby had already died, again i felt like such a fool, and furiously angry that we were forced to go through this again,
no more, i couldnt do it, i never wanted to be pregnant again, right then i felt such a rage at the world, my body and everyone, Id failed again.
I had the ERPC awake, with no pain relief, I felt I deserved it, My DH begged me to at least take the gas and air but i wanted nothing, I can see how distructive this was and it actually hurt my oh more to sit and hold my hand while they took our baby away,
We got married 4 weeks later it was the best day of my life, i still didnt want to be pregnant, the day we came back from honeymoon it hit me like a truck,
I did want to be pregnant, more than ever i was in such denial and hurting myself in the process..
and here i am 32 weeks pregnant with our precious little girl,
I wont lie, its been hard, the early worries, the panic, the stress it never went away, but i had to force myself to be positive, My dh said to me one day while I was in another panic, " why waste your energy and this precious experience with worrying crying nothing you ever do can change the outcome, so lets be positive" and that was it, I refused to be negative anymore, I wasnt just hurting me, but my husband, my family who had to listen to me worry all the time, the people i loved most,
12 week scan came, 20 week...
I really hope i havent upset anyone, I just wanted to say to all the ladies who are in here, be postive and have hope that you WILL go on to have healthy happy babies and I wish you all the luck in the world
Im not out of the woods yet, as soon as i have her in my arms, a whole new set of worries start lol
xxxxx
Last year was probably one of those very high then very low years for my husband and I ,
I came off the depo injection in May 2008.. by my first bleed in december I had fallen pregnant we were as you can imagine over the moon!! but it was short lived, at 5 weeks I bled, heavily and the hospital just patted my back and said how common it was, better luck next time, in our excitement we had told everyone and now had to tell them all our sad news... a small part of me felt embarrassed, like a fool,
We started trying straight away the desire to be pregnant was so strong that i couldnt bare to wait, and by sheer luck I got my bfp 3 weeks after our first loss..
we cautiously told our family if the worst was to happen then surely we'd want support! I had morning sickness, tender and inflated boobs! my clothes got tighter! but my paranoia made me convince my DH to come to a private scan at 8 weeks, the nerves we felt as we waited to be seen a mixture of excitment and fear!!As I lay on that bed and watched the black and white image of a bean, our bean, she flicked the image to infrared.. there was plenty of activity reds oranges but in the centre it was just black and white, no blood flow, no heartbeat,
We had lost again at 8 weeks. and we had no idea, I think with MMC thats almost the worst part, the plans you make, all the sypmtoms, all for nothing, My baby had already died, again i felt like such a fool, and furiously angry that we were forced to go through this again,
no more, i couldnt do it, i never wanted to be pregnant again, right then i felt such a rage at the world, my body and everyone, Id failed again.
I had the ERPC awake, with no pain relief, I felt I deserved it, My DH begged me to at least take the gas and air but i wanted nothing, I can see how distructive this was and it actually hurt my oh more to sit and hold my hand while they took our baby away,
We got married 4 weeks later it was the best day of my life, i still didnt want to be pregnant, the day we came back from honeymoon it hit me like a truck,
I did want to be pregnant, more than ever i was in such denial and hurting myself in the process..
and here i am 32 weeks pregnant with our precious little girl,
I wont lie, its been hard, the early worries, the panic, the stress it never went away, but i had to force myself to be positive, My dh said to me one day while I was in another panic, " why waste your energy and this precious experience with worrying crying nothing you ever do can change the outcome, so lets be positive" and that was it, I refused to be negative anymore, I wasnt just hurting me, but my husband, my family who had to listen to me worry all the time, the people i loved most,
12 week scan came, 20 week...
I really hope i havent upset anyone, I just wanted to say to all the ladies who are in here, be postive and have hope that you WILL go on to have healthy happy babies and I wish you all the luck in the world
Im not out of the woods yet, as soon as i have her in my arms, a whole new set of worries start lol
xxxxx
