Well needed rant!

[StephanieRose]

Sorry in advance for this but I just really need to let all my frustration out!

Firstly is my pain, I hate it so much, I've gone from being so sick in hospital (fainting, dehydration, throwing up blood etc) to having a body that just doesn't seem like it's meant to carry a baby! I've had countless torn muscles and a torn ligament, making my braxton hicks contractions an extremely painful experience, and what's worse it I don't even know when my baby is due! I have two due dates! My midwife says that Im due in the end of July, but my pregnancy doctor says I am due at the end of June, and they are both using the same information and ultrasound pictures so I have no idea when my baby boy is coming! And Im terrified of going into labour! If my braxton hicks are that painful I can't imagine how painful the real thing is going to be! :/
And I'm worried that I'm going to be a terrible mum, I have never even held a baby before! I have no idea what to do, and I don't want to do anything wrong! I'm doing it alone, I am not with my baby's dad, we broke up when I found out I was pregnant after dating for 9 months, because he had been dating and sleeping with a work mate of mine (while both he and she knew I was pregnant) he used to lie to be about getting job interviews and go and get drunk or do some crack with his other girlfriend! This is all while I was working 16hour shifts so that I could afford to pay for our flat plus all our expenses! What's worse is that I would come home to a messy house, he would have food everywhere, clothes all over the floor, etc. So tired after working for 16 hours Id have to clean the flat then cook him dinner and if I didn't then it would make him angry, I'd get called a whole heap of horrible things and if I pissed him off Id have a bruise or two the next day. Correct me if I'm wrong but that is NOT someone you would want around your son!? So I left him.. and then I got really bad problems, he wouldn't leave me alone, his friends threatened me hurt me so I'd lose the baby, I got phone calls saying that I should just go die because Im going to be a shitty mother and it would be better for my child. I got the police involved and he backed of for about a month, but now he seems to have these crazy ideas in his head that Im just going to give him my son once he's born! He's been saying stuff like "You look after him for the next few months but then it's my turn, he won't need you". My ex now lives with his mother (because I'm not paying for him to live elsewhere) and she grows weed and smokes it every night, and goes to her friends and comes house high on crack every night! I DO NOT WANT MY SON THERE! So I've decided that I am going to put 'Father Unknown' on the birth certificate so he has no rights to my son unless he pays for a DNA test and takes me to court. I won't stop my son from knowing his father when he is old enough to decided that he wants too, but I just feel like this will be best for now. Am I wrong? I don't want my son to hate me for leaving his dad out of his life..
And I am feeling extremely lonely, my friends won't hang out with me since they found out I was pregnant and keeping him, but they didn't seem to understand that I see my pregnancy as a miracle, I have endometriosis and I was on the pill, PLUS I was using condoms, and I still got pregnant! I wasn't just going to throw that away. But they didn't understand. They will post stuff on my facebook and have awkward small talk to me on facebook but when I see them around the walk away from me and avoid me, so all I have is my family, and the support from you girls on here. I never knew how hard things were without your friends :/
Sorry that this is so long, I just really needed to let everything out

 

[x__amour]

 

[GrowingBelly]

Everybody needs a rant some time! And my word..I can see why.. That is absolutely terrible and you're right, your son does NOT need to be around someone like that! You can't even call him a father/a dad...he's more like a sperm donor! You seem like such a good person, and you will be a great mom!! At least you have your family there for you, and girls like me on here to support you through everything! It sounds like you've had such a hard pregnancy, but I'm sure once your boy is here.. You will say it was all worth it! I'm only 20 weeks pregnant, and only been in hospital once because I was so sick, I couldn't imagine going through what you've been through! You should be really proud of yourself and don't ever put yourself down or doubt yourself as a mom !! Do you mind if I ask how old you are?? xx

 

[MaisyMay]

Sorry you're feeling so down at the moment. First of all your due date. I think you really need to request growth scan t identify exactly when you are due also o you know your lmp? Your due du date should be guided by that. Baby can often measure out of your dates and it's important to monitor this because it could be a growth issue or issue with the placenta. If they don't have an accurate due date for you they won't be able to tell, they can't just keep changing your dates. In fact after your 12 week dating scan your dates won't change, they'll use the measurements of your baby to assure bubs is growing well, not to change the due date.
As for your pain, pregnancy can't get pretty uncomfortable unfortunately, so sorry you've ben so sick though, but just keep telling yourself, you're doing it all for your beautiful baby. Don't worry about the pain of labour. Yes it hurts, but you have to think of it as a positive pain. With every contraction you're one step closer to holding your bubba. Your body takes over and you will cope because you have to. Just think; millions of women give birth everyday and get through it.
I think every woman worries about what kind of Mum they'll be at some point. I doesn't matter that you've never held a baby before. When you hold yours for the first time everything will fall into place. The love you'll feel for your child is like none you've every experienced in your life. Read books about how to look after a baby and parenting, research, go to classes. You'll learn what to do and how to cope. Babies need 5 main things, a full milky tummy, a clean bottom, to be warm, sleep and love!!.
Personally I would put your ex on the birth certificate, because I think your child has the right to know it's father, but that's your choice. Keep away from your ex in all other areas and use a contact centre for your child to have time with your ex the there's no worry about him snatching the baby.
All the best to you and lots of luck. Remember you're a mother to your unborn child. Being a mother makes you strong enough to move mountains for your child x x

 

[baby9]

Firstly, I'm so sorry that you're experiencing so much pain. Have you been to your doctor? Maybe try a support belt to help?
FOB sounds like an absolute waste of space and I'm so glad you removed yourself from that situation. There's no way he'll be granted custody with making past threats to kill the baby etc so don't worry. And also there's the fact he is living in a house where cannabis is being grown and used.

As for FOB's rights...personally I'd be tempted to leave him off the certificate and hope that he loses interest and goes away, but he may persue a DNA and apply for access through the courts. I think the easiest thing for you would be to put him on the certofocate and offer him somw supervised visits at an access centre. If you leave him off the certificate then it may only cause him frustration which he will likely take out on you. Of course it's entirely your choice and you know him more than anybody on this for does from reading abput him, so you can predict his actions more than we can.

How long until you are due? Good luck with everything and I hope he can remain civil when baby arrives

 

[jozylynn896]

Aw I'm so sorry.
Big hugs.
You're gonna be a finr mommy, just look at what you're already doing for your son and hes not even here yet.

 

[StephanieRose]

Everybody needs a rant some time! And my word..I can see why.. That is absolutely terrible and you're right, your son does NOT need to be around someone like that! You can't even call him a father/a dad...he's more like a sperm donor! You seem like such a good person, and you will be a great mom!! At least you have your family there for you, and girls like me on here to support you through everything! It sounds like you've had such a hard pregnancy, but I'm sure once your boy is here.. You will say it was all worth it! I'm only 20 weeks pregnant, and only been in hospital once because I was so sick, I couldn't imagine going through what you've been through! You should be really proud of yourself and don't ever put yourself down or doubt yourself as a mom !! Do you mind if I ask how old you are?? xx

I am 16 at the moment but might be 17 when my baby is born (depending when he decides to come) Thank you so much

 

[StephanieRose]

Sorry you're feeling so down at the moment. First of all your due date. I think you really need to request growth scan t identify exactly when you are due also o you know your lmp? Your due du date should be guided by that. Baby can often measure out of your dates and it's important to monitor this because it could be a growth issue or issue with the placenta. If they don't have an accurate due date for you they won't be able to tell, they can't just keep changing your dates. In fact after your 12 week dating scan your dates won't change, they'll use the measurements of your baby to assure bubs is growing well, not to change the due date.
As for your pain, pregnancy can't get pretty uncomfortable unfortunately, so sorry you've ben so sick though, but just keep telling yourself, you're doing it all for your beautiful baby. Don't worry about the pain of labour. Yes it hurts, but you have to think of it as a positive pain. With every contraction you're one step closer to holding your bubba. Your body takes over and you will cope because you have to. Just think; millions of women give birth everyday and get through it.
I think every woman worries about what kind of Mum they'll be at some point. I doesn't matter that you've never held a baby before. When you hold yours for the first time everything will fall into place. The love you'll feel for your child is like none you've every experienced in your life. Read books about how to look after a baby and parenting, research, go to classes. You'll learn what to do and how to cope. Babies need 5 main things, a full milky tummy, a clean bottom, to be warm, sleep and love!!.
Personally I would put your ex on the birth certificate, because I think your child has the right to know it's father, but that's your choice. Keep away from your ex in all other areas and use a contact centre for your child to have time with your ex the there's no worry about him snatching the baby.
All the best to you and lots of luck. Remember you're a mother to your unborn child. Being a mother makes you strong enough to move mountains for your child x x

Because I was on the pill when I got pregnant, when I took my last sugar pills before I found out that I was pregnant I had spotting (not a period) so my doctor went by the month before as being my lmp. And when I got a dating scan everything checked out and was in place with her date. But she did warn me that because I was taking the pill and medication for sleeping when I did not know I was pregnant It could effect the growth rate of my baby. And sure enough when I had my growth scan he measured up small. However I have just had another scan to check up on his growth (requested by my doctor) and he's had a HUGE growth spurt! So now he measures the perfect size for me being 29 weeks pregnant.
My midwife is still stuck on the idea that I am 25 weeks pregnant though, even with the new scan measurements! So I'm still confused, I'm following more along the lines of my doctors dating rather than my midwife so that I am prepared if he decides to come earlier than my midwife thinks

Thank you for the help

 

[GrowingBelly]

Everybody needs a rant some time! And my word..I can see why.. That is absolutely terrible and you're right, your son does NOT need to be around someone like that! You can't even call him a father/a dad...he's more like a sperm donor! You seem like such a good person, and you will be a great mom!! At least you have your family there for you, and girls like me on here to support you through everything! It sounds like you've had such a hard pregnancy, but I'm sure once your boy is here.. You will say it was all worth it! I'm only 20 weeks pregnant, and only been in hospital once because I was so sick, I couldn't imagine going through what you've been through! You should be really proud of yourself and don't ever put yourself down or doubt yourself as a mom !! Do you mind if I ask how old you are?? xx

I am 16 at the moment but might be 17 when my baby is born (depending when he decides to come) Thank you so much

Well, I will definitely be 17 when my boy comes, unless he comes more than a month early! so we're the same age! I'm 17 on July 12th.. And you?? I really hope things start getting better for you!!

 

[StephanieRose]

Im 17 on July 4th

 

[GrowingBelly]

Would be great if we lived close by! Could go through all "together" .. Oh well..

 

[munchy]

Oh I just want to hug you As for the pain I can't imagine what that's like as I am only in the early stages. But press for as much help as you an from doctors, midwives etc.... there may be something they can do. You sound like a wonderful person and you are already being a great mother by cutting out the baby's dad. You need to get in touch with the police again, these things he is saying are not normal and they may be able to place a restraining order on him.
I am a little older than you (about 9 months) but if you ever want to talk then please, please message me.
Your baby is a blessing and you are already a great mum for realising that.
Good luck. xxx