What a Stupid B-Word *Share your unforgivable b-word moments!

[CaliDreaming]

^^^^ Wow. Now that's messed up. I don't even know where to begin!

 

[sixtwelve09]

thats awful mindy....b-word doesn't even begin to cover what that girl is! i hope she doesn't have anymore kids, i just don't understand ppl like that. if you cant "handle" them, don't have them. its simple as that, these women have to know the methods that prevent that, and they are all a much better alternative to just giving your kids away when you get fed up with them. Disgusting and ignorant.

 

[PinkPeony]

Omg. That is horrifying. I'm so sorry that happened to you. I don't know how someone could toy with your heart like that.

 

[mindyb85]

Thank you ladies. It so hard when you try to tell this story to someone whondoesnt get it like your mom (when it was all happening) and SHE tells me, "well I told you she was crazy. I can't BELIEVE you ever thought you were going to get that baby." Don't get me wrong, I love my mother but sometimes she can be quite insensitive. And she is a fertility care specialist nurse. She just doesn't understand because she never had a problem getting pregnant and keeping the baby's. Its, "Mindy, you need to stop testing so much, its just insane. Maybe you should see a counselor. " Or "Mindy, maybe its for the best while dh is still in school" or " Mindy, you just got to relax and it will happen when you are ready" or this ones my favorite, "Mindy, maybe you didn't miscarry and you weren't pregnant at all. I don't think that test was very positive." Oh I'm sorry mom I guess the doctor said Congrats and gave me a due date, I guess he was just blowing my horn. I snapped at her one time about this and said, "how on earth can you work with infertilecouples all the time if you are this insensitive to your own
daughter!" She felt pretty bad and apologized and actually told me something that has helped me get through all the B moments since then. She said. "I'm sorry honey. Your MY daughter and i love you so much I can't stand to see you in pain. I just wish I could take of it away from you. I guess I thought if you never did miscarry or it was somehow a mistake you wouldn't be hurting so bad." After this she got much better at what she says around me and i do better with friends that say stupid things cause I know they don't really mean for it to hurt me. I just tell them and try to make them more aware of my feelings.

 

[mindyb85]

thats awful mindy....b-word doesn't even begin to cover what that girl is! i hope she doesn't have anymore kids, i just don't understand ppl like that. if you cant "handle" them, don't have them. its simple as that, these women have to know the methods that prevent that, and they are all a much better alternative to just giving your kids away when you get fed up with them. Disgusting and ignorant.

Oh well that was the one good thing about being her friend through all that crap was that she got her tubes tied after baby #5. So no more for her. Thank the lord.

 

[CaliDreaming]

Mindyb85, that must really be frustrating that your mom doesn't understand what you're going through. It's mindblowing to me that she is a fertility nurse and doesn't understand basic stuff like chemical pregnancy or the mental anguish that women go through when they're having trouble conceiving. The nurses at my RE's office are the same way. It seems like some knowledge would have rubbed off but I guess not!

 

[sixtwelve09]

sometimes i feel like i know more than my own doctor, and he acts as if im a complete numb skull b/c my 27 years of knowledge of my body and 2 years experience with infertility do not equate a medical degree. maybe not, but i def think i put more research into this than he ever did. its bad enough to be treated differently by family/friends who dont understand, but then for medical professionals to be just as naive is disheartening. im glad your mom got better about it mindy.

 

[mindyb85]

thanks guys, you are the best. I actually started tearing up reading your responses just because it is so nice to have women who know what you are going through sympathize with you. I don't get that in the real world. All my friends and family members have children or if they don't, don't want any. I do have one friend that is suffering from PCOS and IF but she is constantly going back and forth on if she even wants a kid or not. Even though I know she does, it's just her defense mechanism to protect herself from the pain if she never does get pregnant. But I still feel like she hasn't let herself truly give in to her desires to want to be a mom and therefore can't truly sympathize with me yet. I am so grateful for you wonderful ladies out there!

 

[Myshelsong]

Mindy that is CRAZY!!!!!!
There aren't enough exclamation marks in the world to express how crazy that is so I will stop at that many, but know I could have used a pages worth and it still would not be enough to express the amount of Crazy that is.

What a horrible human being. I am so sorry that someone that dear to you, would do something so deeply hurtful to you.

Do you want me to call her and yell at her for you?

 

[mindyb85]

Sorry for highjacking your thread myshellsong. I don't want to spoil everyone else's b moments fun All our experiences are painful and we all need to let it out and support each other. So lets hear those b moments ladies!!!

 

[Myshelsong]

Don't worry, I don't think there was any hijacking at all!

It just shows us that even our closest friend and family can at times be a huge B. And it is OK that we get upset and need to just freak out for a minute. My hope, is that we can freak out here and let out that frustration instead of ruining our long term relationships because people are being insensitive or honestly trying to help but are going about it the wrong way.

I honestly dont think when people tell me to relax, or try to give me advise they are trying to be mean. But it hurts just the same because I am in a really bad place right now. So instead of crying and yelling at them I am going to rant here, here is my safe place where there is no judgement..... at least I hope not

 

[mindyb85]

Don't worry, I don't think there was any hijacking at all!

It just shows us that even our closest friend and family can at times be a huge B. And it is OK that we get upset and need to just freak out for a minute. My hope, is that we can freak out here and let out that frustration instead of ruining our long term relationships because people are being insensitive or honestly trying to help but are going about it the wrong way.

I honestly dont think when people tell me to relax, or try to give me advise they are trying to be mean. But it hurts just the same because I am in a really bad place right now. So instead of crying and yelling at them I am going to rant here, here is my safe place where there is no judgement..... at least I hope not

No judgement at all!

 

[jenwantsababy]

jenwantsababy,

I didn't mean to offend you. I do realise a lot of families can not afford to live on one wage and mums need to go back to work, but my SILs hubby makes a good living and they can afford her to be a SAHM, she just doesn't want to.

i'm sorry, i didn't mean to be oversensitive. you didn't offend me. i guess i probably got frustrated at myself daydreaming about how much i would love to be a SAHM but (besides money) am lacking one important factor lol - the BABY. that was such an awful comment from your SIL and i can't even imagine anyone wanting to have kids because they are bored!! yikes!

Mindy - that is SO awful. i'm so sorry that happened to you. what an awful "friend."

all of this has me thinking about how my little brother keeps f---ing texting me asking when i'm coming to see his new baby, which will be born in July. for some reason he doesn't quite understand why i'm not more enthusiastic about it, considering the fact that this is the second girl he's gotten pregnant in a year. at least this one lives in his hometown - the first girl was a foreign exchange student who is currently raising the baby in GERMANY. way to parent, little bro.

 

[Lawyer chick]

Hi girls. I like the name of this thread. Some people just "forget" or chose to forget their words can be hurtful even when it's not the intent.

 

[Lawyer chick]

Omg I have soooo many of these moments. After more than 3.5 years ntnp/ltttc with several heartbreaking cps, losing weight to beat pcos symptoms and trying clomid 7 times as well I have emotionally beat the crap out of myself. Sometimes I'm ok now but then a stupid huggies commercial will come on (you know the one with the preggo test) and i
lose it. Well one of the biggest b moments of my life comes from a "friend" I had for 20 years. She has 5 kids. The first four with now exhusband and the fifth with a different Guy while she was still married. She texted me, "oh God I'm so stupid. I'm pregnant again." Then we get to talking because I'm trying to console her,the whole while she very well know my IF struggles, and she gets this idea and asks me if I want to adopt the baby because she CANT handle another one. She even texted me, "maybe this is God's way of giving you a baby." Well I talked with dh and he said if it worked out he would want to adopt because it would be a much better situation for the baby. Well I agreed and told we would. Well then she talks to baby-daddy (who has two other kids from two other women) and he said no to the adoption idea. He said you are either going to keep it or *the other thing*. THE NERVE!! So because she LIKED this POS she completely backed out of everything. I was crushed because now I had been fantasizing about my baby, even tho I know I shouldn't have. Even dh told me not to get my hopes up. So me and her had a falling out and didn't talk for a while. The baby was born, it was a boy, and i still thought about him a lot. Well about a month later I get a phone call from her crying her eyes out and apologizing for being so nasty to me (part of the reason we had a falling out) . Apparently her husband at the time was abusive and baby daddy hadn't been around for anything accept after the birth (which she PAID for him to come to it, he lives in another state. So, being the person I am and because I really love her kids, (her oldest is actually my goddaughter) I decide to help her out. She ended up moving across the street from dh and i with all the kids. Things were fine for a while and we had the kids over all the time which was actually a lot of fun to have laghter and happiness in the house for awhile. I would visit her to give a shoulder to cry on and I SWEAR all she did was complain about this beautiful baby boy that had my heart from 6 weeks in the womb. And i would be soooo upset because all I knew was loss and devastation of ltttc which she never took into account when going on about her own "mistakes". She said she could handle 4 but NOT FIVE. SHE EVEN STILL TALKED ABOUT GIVING HIM UP MONTHS AFTER HE WAS BORN. At first it was for us but then she had the nerve to tell me she got some couple's "want to adopt your baby" card from the pregnancy test section in Walmart and HAD CONTACTED THEM AND SENT THEM PICTURES OF BABY BOY. That was an even worse blow. Complain about baby I love, tell me I can have it, take that back, tell me I can have him AGAIN, wait take THAT back again, and then tell me you're considering giving him up to a couple of people on a card you saw stuck in the pregnancy tests at Walmart????? Now because she liked this d-bag baby daddy for whatever reason she made sure he was involved just enough to not lose his parental rights and thus couldn't give up the baby for adoption BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT HE ACTUALLY WANTED TO BE WITH HER OR SOMETHING and they could be a FAMILY! WHICH WAS ABSOLUTE INSANITY! THIS GUY WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH EITHER OF YOU. JUST A SAY THAT HIS BOY CANT BE ADOPTED TO A LOVING FAMILY. WHAT SELFISH A$$HOLES! It just broke my heart. Well then she asks me if I can watch the baby overnights when she works (get this, she's actually a labor and delivery nurse) because her ex would not watch him and baby-daddy is No where to be found. I told her no and this was for a multitude of reasons but i just couldn't do it to myself. Treat this baby like my own but never really have him. So my "friend" actually tells me "you guys have been a big help to me but i feel you haven't helped me with what i needed most and that's CHILDCARE!!!! THE NERVE!! WE DID NOTHING BUT HELP YOUR SORRY ASS WHO CARES MORE ABOUT HERSELF THAN HER BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN. So needless to say we had another huge falling out. The last thing i ever let her say to me was, "You know what? I hope you two don't have a baby because if you did, it would be f*cked up!" This was, to me, unforgiveable. And i never answered another text, phone call, apology again. Me and dh still said hi to the kids and she would shoo them inside like we were going to attack them or something. She ended up giving the kids to her abusive ex husband and got a brand new car instead. The baby's gone too. I'm sure she adopted him out to a nice couple. She still lives across the street. We do not speak or even acknowledge each others presence because she is the most careless and selfish B I will ever know.

Sorry about the long saga but this has been weighing on my heart for a long time and i needed to get it out.

Hunny this is so awful. .

 

[Myshelsong]

I know I am dragging a old tread up but I felt this was relevant.

someone just told me they had me beat because they have been LTTC longer than I have ... Like when did this turn into a fing competition where unless you are winning (losing) your emotions are negligible because
Some one has been trying with a few different people a few months longer than me ...

 

[wellsk]

Myshel, How ridiculous is someone sayinh something like that? This is not a game, whether you've been trying a few month or years; TTC and LTTTC is painful and messes with your body, physical and mental health.

A stupid bitch moment I had a week or so ago was a receptionist of an IVF clinic said 'but you're so young!!' When she questioned my date of birth. In front of a whole room of strangers.
Yes, I know I'm probably the youngest here, probably by a long shot! But that does not give you the right to judge, point it out and make me feel some sort of shame/embarrassment.

I didn't realise that young people and their partners couldn't have fertility problems, my bad!

 

[Myshelsong]

Wow, how crazy that someone I'm that field would be so inconsiderate.

Boo on her lack of professionalism!

 

[CaliDreaming]

Myshelsong, what an idiot! I would have told them, okay, you can have the prize for longest time TTC and I'll take a baby!

wellsk, I can't imagine how mortifying that must have been. I've found that most of the people who work in fertility clinics aren't as knowledgeable or sympathetic as I would have thought. I don't understand what these people think young women should do. Do they expect you to just wait until you're 35?? It seems like if it's not happening when you're young then that would be even more of a reason to seek out help because you know that there must be something going on that's not related to age or egg quality.

 

[wellsk]

I'm very lucky in a way, as although I do have slightly low AMH levels. The rest of my fertility is completely normal. We have male factor infertility, plus our RE just thinks fertility wise; myself and DH are not compatible.

But if we'd waited till 35, I would probably have dwindling fertility and with DH already having infertility. God knows what state we'd be in then! We might've not been able to have IVF
So we're lucky to have come to this stage so early, so hopefully we can have our own children.

As you said, surely it should be more concerning that at our 'peak' fertility; we're unable to conceive, therefore should be doing everything possible to help us!

Pretty much everyone else has been brilliant, and if they've thought it; they haven't said so. And that's the way I like it!