What are you doing for baby last name?

Discussion in 'Baby Names' started by nolansmom, Oct 2, 2013.

  1. nolansmom

    nolansmom Guest

    For those who aren't married or who are married but have kept their maiden names - what is the plan for last name of baby?

    Do you have other children from a previous relationship? Will your child(ren) then have different last names?

    I'm super confused about what to do myself.. I have been married but reverted back to maiden name. I also changed Ds last name back to my maiden name (with approval of his dad)..

    Now that I am expecting with OH and not married I feel strange considering giving baby OH last name as I still don't entirely feel like a family unit. I am also concerned about Ds#1 having a different last name than his sibling (major concern).

    Of course OH issue is that he wants his child to carry on his family name as he is the only one in his family to do it.. I considered a hyphenated last name for baby with OH last name ending last - Seems like the only solution at this point where we both win - ??

    Anyone going through something similar or am I the only over-thinker?
     
  2. Mii

    Mii Well-Known Member

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    My son has my last name and I am now pregnant with OH (different person then Myles dad) and I want baby to have OH's last name as we are planning on (eventually) getting married. (since I am the only legal care giver to my son if I took my OH's last name I would change my sons last name too)
    I know its hard but do what you think feels right :)
     
  3. nolansmom

    nolansmom Guest

    Thanks.. So that's a similar situation.. I also hope to find myself with a diamond on my finger maybe, one day -- **eye roll**.. but couldn't change Ds#1 last name even if I wanted to. Too many legalities involved.

    I am thinking more and more about the hyphenated last name and maybe becoming ok with it.. :) Thanks for response..
     
  4. auntiesarah25

    auntiesarah25 Well-Known Member

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    Me and OH haven't talked about it, it's kind of assumed baby will take daddy's last name since I plan to take daddy's last name too . I wish you luck and hope whatever route you chose works!
     
  5. liveandlove04

    liveandlove04 Well-Known Member

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    Lo will take my fiancés last name because it will be mine soon also.
     
  6. nolansmom

    nolansmom Guest


    I don't have a fiancé I have a mere boyfriend.. haha.. :) I mean when it was my husband it was a no brainer.. but now. I dunno I go between a HELL NO and ok, well maybe I'll hyphenate it.

    I don't want to be mean to OH but again, OH hasn't bought a ring or made marriage a priority so I feel like why should he get the benefits of that.. ?? Yeah ok - guess I'm mean.. :)
     
  7. jesssika

    jesssika Mummy to Charlotte

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    I actually agree with you here! I don't think it's right to just expect to have your last name carried on if you can't put a ring on it.. Maybe that's old fashioned but that's the way I think ;) if my OH had no plans to marry me my LO would be taking my name!
     
  8. Googiepie

    Googiepie Well-Known Member

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    My OH and I aren't married and baby is going to have his last name. I considered hyphenating it but it would be too long in my opinion. We've discussed marriage and I hope we do get married one day. However, even if we don't he has been very supportive throughout the pregnancy and I know that no matter what he will be a great father so I think he deserves baby to have his last name.
     
  9. MommyGrim

    MommyGrim Well-Known Member

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    DD has my last name as I'm not married and wasn't even with OH when she was born (he is her dad though) but since we're engaged now, we planned to have her last named changed before the twins arrived since they will have his last name. Sadly, we had some money issues and that got pushed to the back, so I don't know if she'll have her named changed before the twins are born but it will be shortly afterward otherwise.
     
  10. nolansmom

    nolansmom Guest

    OH says "you are the woman I love and want to spend my life with" "I want to be a family, the 4 of us, I want to marry you".. OH def says everything that would suggest marriage in the future - but OH has financial issues and thankfully was able to get a job last week and in a higher paying industry. His debt? I dunno when or how that will be paid so unless he makes it a priority before I give birth to buy a ring then it'll be much of the same.. Actually it's not really a thing I want to harp on with him because when I brought it up recently in a discussion about something unrelated he actually turned his head and started crying saying "I have no money for a ring"...

    So maybe with some positive thoughts and his new job things will change over the next couple of years - again I still feel like since I am going around unwed and pregnant - no ring - no engagement then is it really "his right" to reap the benefits of what a traditional marriage would give him?

    Kinda like if I tried to complain about not being married but pregnant many people I know would say "well thats your own fault, if you wanted to be married then you should have waited"..

    Well it's the same for him "if you wanted your child to have your last name you should have gotten married"..

    Why have HIS traditional benefit yet I can't have mine?
     
  11. candycrush

    candycrush Pregnant with #1

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    I'm not in this situation personally, but I think I would hyphenate, change both our names by deed poll and give older son thr decision when he is old enough. xx
     
  12. candycrush

    candycrush Pregnant with #1

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    ooh also I just wondered, what about future babies who come along after marriage? if you don't hyphenate or use dads name what would you want to do then?
    perhaps have a wee chat with OH about future plans, afterall an engagement ring and wedding don't have to cost the earth xxx
     
  13. girlnboots

    girlnboots Mother to 4 furbabies

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    Baby will have OH's last name. To me, it's more about the relationship between father and child than the relationship between mother and father. Plus, mommas already have a special bond with their babies, so why not help father and baby bond a bit?

    Names these days don't mean nearly as much as they did in the past.
     
  14. fashionqueen

    fashionqueen Pregnsnt after a loss

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    If I wasn't married the baby would have my name. If the guy hasn't married me then like you say, no ring no name.
     
  15. ShakeItBaby1

    ShakeItBaby1 Mommy to Riley Elizabeth

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    This is the BIGGEST fight between my parents & I. My mom & dad think as I'm not married, LO should have my last name - but I'm not having it. We may not be married, but it is his daughter, and if I was him I'd want my child to have my name.
     
  16. donnarobinson

    donnarobinson Mommy Of 3 Boys

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    I'm not married been with my oh 5 years tho. My son has his last name and so will this one x
     
  17. Beadle

    Beadle Well-Known Member

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    I personally believe that if the child's father intends on being in the picture (whether in a relationship still the mother or not) then the father deserves to have the his last name passed onto the baby. That's how I was raised, all of my siblings and I have different fathers, and we all have our father's last name, even my baby sister has her father's name and he isn't even in the picture, but unlike my mom I feel that the father has to "deserve" to have his name passed on, by actually being there. That's why when I got pregnant I asked OH if he planned on being in the baby's life even if we don't stay together as a family, he said he was going to always be there for her and so I'm giving her his last name, but if he changes his tune and runs out on her in the future (which I highly doubt will happen) I'll change her last name to mine.

    As for feeling weird about having a different last name than a sibling, coming from the perspective of being in that situation, I never had an issue with it and neither has my brother (my sister just turned 3 so she doesn't have an opinion on it). I didn't even have the same name as my mother since my parents didn't get married until I was 12. For me and my brother, growing up I knew that our names were different but we were both part of the same family and loved equally by our mother. And even though my mom ended up leaving my little brother's father and returning to my father when my brother was a couple years old, my brother never felt left out for having a different last name than me and my dad because he loved my brother like his own son so my he never had any issues with having a different last name either. As long as you don't make one feel left out for having a different name there really isn't much of an issue.
     
  18. mummy2o

    mummy2o Well-Known Member

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    With what I learnt from my last child do not include dad on birth certificate and don't give you child his last name. I had a very bad experience and had to go to court fighting for my rights to be his mother after he and his new woman kidnapped my son. If I hadn't done the first two it would have been a lot easier. That being said if your in a loving relationship and 100% sure of a future with your OH then use his name. But then again I'm a very extreme case.

    We split when DS was 2 and a half and he was kidnapped at 4. So its not like his dad wasn't in the picture for a bit, just I don't want to go through that again, so I think its more security this time.
     
  19. naria

    naria mum of one

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    My children have OH's last name. Not hyphened or anything just simply 'BROWN' lol
     
  20. donnarobinson

    donnarobinson Mommy Of 3 Boys

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    My son is named after his daddy so it would of been silly to have his name and not his last name lol. Craig junior davies :) x
     

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