What do I do?

[youngmom91]

My name is Stephenie and I live in Colorado, I am 19 years old. Recently (like 2 days recently) I found out that I was in fact, pregnant. My boy friend of a year said that it was great and was excited. Then, the same day, only a few hours later, he started talking of adoption. When I expressed to him that I wasn't sure that's what I wanted he was okay with it. Today, he was sending cute texts and expressing concerns about the both of us (the baby and I). He even commented on how now he would have to share me. Then, just a few hours later, he started talking about adoption again and is now stuck on it. I don't really want to give my baby up for adoption, especially since for the longest time, I thought I couldn't get pregnant. I know its a huge responsibility and everything, and what makes it worse is I am in college. I know my family would help us whenever we needed it (but honestly, financially, my boyfriend and I both have jobs and if we quit buying the stupid stuff we would more money ourselves), and I am pretty sure his would too. I just don't know what to do....I want my baby but he doesn't.....any advice?

 

[Nervousmomtob]

I'd say if you want to keep it. Definatly keep it =] you guys will figure something out and you'll be a great mommy

 

[xforuiholdonx]

Men sometimes just get scared, but whether or not he has an opinion, he'll have to respect your desicion. Just sit him down, and be like look "Please stop talking of adoption, but I'm keeping this baby". Not saying that adoption is a bad choice, just saying that if you feel right now, its not right, then its not right for you.
Congrats on your pregnancy by the way

 

[lb]

Congratulations on your pregnancy
I agree with the others. If you want to keep the baby, then keep the baby! But you will have to have a nice long talk with your OH about it, because it takes a lot of work to keep a relationship alive during these times and trials. Trust me.

 

[x__amour]

Hey Stephenie, welcome to BnB and congratulations on your pregnancy!
I'm Shannon, 19 and have a 2 month old named Victoria (Tori). I live in Colorado as well!
Okay, so. It's your baby and if you want to keep your baby, then keep your baby! Adoption is a beautiful thing but if you think it's not right for you, that's okay. Don't let your boyfriend push you into it. No matter what happens in the end, it's going to be the right thing. You're right, having a baby is a huge responsibility but being a mom is one of the most beautiful, exciting and incredible things you will ever experience. Your boyfriend will come around and accept your decision in the end but it is always best for both of you to be on the same page. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you, feel free to PM me anytime! Have a healthy and happy 9 months! Congrats again!

 

[newmommy23]

welcome to bnb and congrats!
if you want your baby, keep it. That's the best advice I can give you. You might have the sweetest boyfriend in the world, but men come and go. Your baby won't....and it'll break your heart if you give up a baby you really want

 

[casann]

If your not comfortable with the idea of adoption then don't !! You don't want to regret it for the rest of your life . Not going to lie to you it will be hard having a baby and college ect but it sounds to me like you have all the support you need . I hope he comes around to the idea soon hun xx

 

[xx~Lor~xx]

Don't let anyone make this decision for you. It's really your decision at the end of the day, of course OH will have their opinion, but you are the babys mum, you are the one that will be carrying it to full term and giving birth to it. Finding out you are pregnant is a big deal and can be very scary for both you and OH, he's probably weighing everything up at the moment and seeing the good and bad points, and trying to make a decision. Let him get his head round the whole idea of you being pregnant. He's scared, that's all.

Again, don't let anyone force you to do anything you don't want to do or will regret.

xoxox

 

[amygwen]

My boyfriend was exactly the same in the beginning when he found out I was pregnant, although he was pushing for termination rather than adoption. But it's OUR choices, not theirs. I mean, it does take 'two to tango' or whatever, you didn't just get yourself pregnant, so he has to understand that you have an opinion too. A lot of the time I think all of our boyfriends were like that in the beginning, but they do come around and now Alex (ex-boyfriend, but Kennys father) is EXCELLENT. He loves his son more than anything and he takes care of him so much more than what I expected. Plus we were in the same situation, both had jobs, both were in college but we still are and it is possible to do everything you are still doing. We had to sacrifice a lot though, one of us has to watch Kenneth while the other is at work and school and than we switch so we barely got to ever spend time together because of that and I think that's why we mostly broke up. Thankfully, we get a bit of help from the government so for right now, Kenny is on Medicaid but it will run out in June when he is 1 year old so than we have to start getting health insurance for him. There's a lot of things to think about when you have a child but it is definitely possible. You just have to make sacrifices. If both of you are willing to do that than I can't see why you wouldn't be able to do it! I can't imagine giving a child up for adoption, but if you're already saying that you don't want to do it, I doubt you will change your mind. So you need to tell your boyfriend that you don't plan to give it up for adoption and he needs to realistically start thinking that you both will be having a baby so you've got to get in the mindset of having one. Also, we have a lot of help from both sets of parents who are always willing to look after him so we can get schoolwork done or have some alone time, which is really important so I really hope your parents are very supportive of your pregnancy! Good luck hun and congrats! Oh and start looking into government assistance, since you are young and you are a student you might qualify for things like Medicaid, WIC, Food Stamps, Childcare assistance, Financial Assistance, you just have to know where to go to find them!

 

[bellexx]

maybe he's just in shock... i would give him time to adjust

 

[Lilys mummy]

Hello First of all congratulations.
I am Layla, I am 16 and 36 weeks pregnant with a little girl. I also have a 2 year old little girl called Lily.

If youwant the baby, then keep it My boyfriend was exactly the same when i got pregnant with Lily because we were both so young, he didnt want me to keep her but obviously i did and now he regrets everything that he said and wouldn't be without her for the world.

He is probably just scared, he will come round in time. Good Luck

 

[youngmom91]

Thank you everyone for your advice...its helped a lot. Its been an entire day since he even mentioned the baby, and he is acting like he/she doesn't exist, and it hurts. I will most likely be keeping my baby, I'm only 7 weks and I am kind of attached already. Anyway, just, thank you all. You girls are wonderful and providing the support I need! Love you all!

 

[bumpy_j]

go with your gut! adoption is a wonderful thing to do but you should only consider it if you're sure and from the sounds of it you want to keep your baby. imagine if down the line you had the adoption set up and you changed your mind - you and that family would both get really hurt and confused from that situation. your OH must be terrified but adjusting to having a baby isn't as daunting as it might seem at first - a lot of us here have had to do it in a similar set up to yours and it's been completely worth it. good luck

 

[Praying 4 bby]

Congrats!! If you want to keep your baby- keep it!! You are the one that has the final say to keeping or giving your baby up. Follow your heart.