What do i do??????

[dippy dee]

Ok so here's a long and complicated one, my neicee is giving my brother n sil hell, she's running off, theiving and generally being a little so n so as to say, they are on about putting her in care but i couldn't see that she's had an unstable up bringing and is like the black sheep ( she's 1 of 3 )
My hubby n i want to take her in and give her a home, i have thought about asking if she would like to stay for a week to see how things go and take it from there, i would never tell her she was coming to stay with us but i would like to ask her if she would like to, the only thing is i don't have much to offer her as she would have to sleep in a spiderman bedroom, i don't have much money and we don't go out all the time or do lots of exciting things, all i can offer her is stability, love and understanding and somewhere she can feel valued and wanted.
I'm in a muddle as what to do.
Also i have 2 boys 1 is 2 and the other is 4 as well as expecting so to also have a 14 yo girl aaaaaaaaaaagggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Help please

 

[Jayden'sMummy]

Possibly take her in for the week and spend time with her and find out why she is acting out like this? take it from there on x

Oh an all you need to offer some one is Love and a stable upbringing (+ obviously the basic needs like) xx

 

[joeyjo]

I am amazed at what a big heart you have.

I think having her to stay for a week is a brilliant idea, I would not say anything just yet about the possibility of a longer stay. The break from each other may be just what is needed for the family.
If you do decide to have her live with you longer term I think boundries, expectations and rules would need to be discussed. Also you would need to broach the subject of finances with her parents...

Thinking of you all and hoping things sort themselves and she becomes a happier child.

 

[Waiting2bMommy]

My parents took in my cousin when she was 16 and i was 10 and my brothers were 7 and 2. She was very troubled and had to share a bedroom with me, but she got used to the family setting and finished high school and did well for herself. She is now married with two kids and thanks my parents for taking her in and showing her what a family is like. If you think you can do it I think you should, just as long as you dont' think it will have an effect on your own kids. But if you can do it, you have the opportunity to change a childs life and that has to be a really awesome feeling!

Good luck!

 

[leeanne]

I would try it for a week, but remember, she may be on her best behaviour at that time and could fall back into routine later if you decide to take her in.

Thing is, she sounds like she needs love and stability and I hope that she finds it and turns out to be a better person.

 

[dippy dee]

I am amazed at what a big heart you have.

I think having her to stay for a week is a brilliant idea, I would not say anything just yet about the possibility of a longer stay. The break from each other may be just what is needed for the family.
If you do decide to have her live with you longer term I think boundries, expectations and rules would need to be discussed. Also you would need to broach the subject of finances with her parents...

Thinking of you all and hoping things sort themselves and she becomes a happier child.

we said that we wouldn't tell her that the week was a trial, we're going to set bounderies and ruels etc straight away as i feel this is what she needs, i know there is no way her mom and dad will want her back as they have give in and that's the sad part, they are ready to dump her on social services door like a puppy at the pdsa

 

[dippy dee]

so we've decided to talk when the boys are in bed and then sleep on it, in the morning we are going to talk to the boys ( i know they are young but i still feel it important to be included) Then we are going to talk to her and then and only then her parents.
we aren't going to tell her the week is to see how she goes as after a week if we don't feel it's right for us or her then i don't want her to feel rejected by yet more people.
I know a week isn't long and that she could be on best behaviour but if she can show respect and adhere to the rules in round about way then i know we'll have a chance. I'll be shocked if there's not tears and tantrums but we'll be ready for them they can't be as bad as a terrible two's tantrum and we deal with them daily

 

[Alexis]

I'm not a mother myself, but was 14 only 5 years ago so I somewhat understand. I also have a 15 year old cousin who is getting to be the same way. She cant stand her mom, and hates her friends, life is SOO unfair, she hates the world.

What I have done is talked to her about things. Not always offered advice, but given her an outlet to vent and release anger. I know when I was in that "stage" I didn't want advice from people, I just wanted someone to listen. Alyssa really seems to be getting 'nicer' towards her family and friends.

I think by taking her in for a week and talking to her, and listening, maybe share some of your experiences with her, would really help her out. Let her know you're still the adult and still in charge (dont give her free roam, it will only make her act out worse in my opinion) but just do as you said, show her love, compassion, and be interested in her thoughts and feelings. It takes alot for teen girls to open up about things. Maybe shes hiding something personal and doesnt know who to turn to?

Hope everything works out okay. You're in my thoughts and prayers!!

-Jaimi

 

[dippy dee]

i got her she wanted to come so picked her up today

 

[~KACI~]

Thats brilliant!! Hopefully she will settle down once she is in a stable enviroment!! Good luck x

 

[Alexis]

that is wonderful wonderful news!

 

[joeyjo]

Great news, thinking of you all and hoping it all works out. Let us know how you get on.

 

[dippy dee]

Hi guys, right i have a few seconds to spare whilst she is in the bath,
right i was in the hospital having a chat to the consultant and i get a phone call saying she had been causing trouble yet again and that my sil was throwing her out onto the streets, so i went up to her as soon as i'd finished and asked what she wanted and it was a relief to hear the words " i want to come with you ", we had intended to give her a few hours whilst dh went to the gym but no they were there chucing her stuff in the car, so after a tearfull goodbye we treated her to a mc donalds and brought her home to settle in. We have told her the rules n regs n so far so good she has settled in well and has took to her chores immediatel, she never shuts up talking and best of all she has opened up a little already not much and i am not pushing her but we went a walk shopping as she had no ladies things and it's time of the month so took her shopping for some things and treated her to things like fav cereal etc and she started to open up a little.
What i find upsetting is a 14 year old who doesn't even know how to cook beans on toast or make a cuppa, well she met the kettle earlier and even watched me cooking so interested.
She's in the bath now then off to bed to wind down so day 1 not to bad

 

[joeyjo]

So glad that once with you thngs got off to a good start.
Hope everybody had a good night