What do you say to your employer?!

[a1b2c3]

Hi ladies. So I have been wondering this for a while, and due to another post earlier, I am guessing I am not the only one.

Obviously our employers do not know we are ttc, but are obviously aware of all the hospital, GP appointments etc..... So I was wondering what reasons/excuses you ladies were using?

I told my employer that I had a cyst on an ovary that was very painful and was being monitored, just incase it required further treatment like surgery or something (and yes I know it is not good to lie, but at this point I did have a very large cyst that they thought might be preventing me from getting pg, which thankfully has now gone, but my mind was all over the place and it was the only thing I could think of to say!). My employer just said 'no problem we just want you healthy, that's all that's important. Obviously I was chuffed he said that but guilty for lying. Plus that was over 6 months ago.... I mean seriously, how long can they go looking at a cyst? So basically I need some help, advice, lies, whatever you have!

To make things worse I now have to share my office with some ignorant, obnoxious, thinks he's better than he is 20 year old lad who is asking questions and saying stuff like 'why are you sick all the time?'. Grrr! Anyways any help is appreciated!

And sorry I know that was a long essay but I think I needed a bit of a rant too. X

 

[Helen76]

Hi,

I told my boss and I would recommend that. I told him when I started because I wasn't sure if the drugs would send me crazy! Fortunately he was very supportive and I was able to work at home to fit around appointments but I know not everyone is in that situation.

I actually only discovered recently that women undergoing IVF treatment are covered under the new Equality Act against discrimination. Nobody would want to go down that route after going through the stresses of IVF but good to know that protection is there.

As for your colleague - just tell him you have gynaelogical problems and that should shut him up!

Good luck with your treatment.

H xx

 

[a1b2c3]

Hi Helen. Thanks. I have considered speaking to my boss but don't feel it is right. I have only been with this employer since feb so don't want to 'let them down'. I think it is also because at the mo I am assistant accountant and they are paying for me to get my chartered and this is the first company I have worked for who really support me and that say to me, and who I believe I could have a good future for. Having said that, I know lying doesn't make for a good relationship.

Ttc is so hard on so many levels. I wish there was a book on how to cope. Maybe one day I can pluck up the courage to be honest.

Also I never knew about The equality act .... Is that in the uk?

 

[Helen76]

Yep the Equality Act is in the UK, it merged all the old pieces of legislation like Sex Discrimination Act and Race Relation Act. It would be treated as sex discrimination if they treated you less favourably.

Totally agree this TTC lark is very hard. Wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

 

[Armywife84]

People are so nosy! Do they inquire about your appointments? I don't believe it's any of their business, really.

Personally, I wouldn't give them anymore lies. You already gave them one, and you're not comfortable with talking to them about LTTC, so I'd just leave it at that. If they ask, just say the doctors want to monitor your ovaries in case any new cysts develop.

Hahaha, I agree! Tell him it's that time of the month!

 

[wannabemummyb]

I'm relatively lucky because my boss is also a ltttc'er so it makes it easier. I had a mini breakdown at work after my appointment that told me i had pcos and insulin resistence, so it all came out then! I also requested to see the occ health nurse because my company can be really shitty about taking time off for appointments (HR rules rather than my boss)

You only need tell your boss what you are comfortable with x

 

[cooch]

Hi,

I actually only discovered recently that women undergoing IVF treatment are covered under the new Equality Act against discrimination. Nobody would want to go down that route after going through the stresses of IVF but good to know that protection is there.


This is interesting wonder is it a UK act or does it just cover England and Wales??

 

[Dazed]

TBH, you don't owe your employer any explination! Unless it comes down to being repremanded or preventing you from taking time off, keep the reason to yourself.

 

[dodgercpkl]

Mine haven't asked about the appointments, but then my HR manager is the one who referred me to my OB and I know she knows I'm trying and having trouble.

 

[LizMcD]

Good thread a1b2c3! It's good to hear other peoples viewpoints.

I have just told my boss I have 'womens problems' and he has been so reasonable because he doesn't know what to say bless! He has even took a fatherly caring approach of worrying about me! I told him nothing serious to worry about, i just need flexibility to attend appointments. I think he must have guessed by now.

I asked for 'working from home' flexi time which i think was a step too far - no agreement to that yet!!

Great to hear about the Equality act, i didn't know that
xx

 

[NellyVille]

I work in a small pub/hotel and the people I work with are almost like family so keeping it quiet is very difficult. Luckily the person that deals with the rota is also my best friend so I told her what's going and she manages my time off. The boss has asked why I need to go to hospital (it has been difficult arranging my time off sometimes when there is noone to cover so I had to tell them it was a hospital thing) so I told them it was to do with my kidneys, believable as I have a history of urinary infections. I've also used this with family members too.
Once I get the appointment for my lap & dye I may have to consider telling my boss the truth because there will be things I won't be able to do for a couple of days afterwards. The main problem is there aren't many people I can trust to keep it quiet (my boss and certain family members included) and I don't want it broadcast.

 

[blueeyedgirl1]

I've told my boss I am being tested for hormone imbalance, which is kind of true anyway.

Only started in my job 6 months ago and one lady's already off on mat leave so hearing that the new employee's hoping to do the same would NOT go down well. So I haven't mentioned it.

It might not be any of their business, but people are naturally curious and colleagues were getting annoyed the the newbie was having time off and coming in late, etc, so I've just been a bit vague and complained about a rubbish GP and needing more tests. *shrug*

 

[wanting2010]

When I decided to start injectables, I just came right out and told my boss about it because of the frequent appointments that I wouldn't be able to schedule before or after work since I work 12 hour shifts and my RE is 1.5 hours away. She has been SO understanding and supportive of it all, and I'm glad that I told her about it. It was a relief in a way.

 

[Naneth.Estel]

So far I've only had one appointment fall during work hours and I used holiday time for it, because I had some to use up anyway. Other appointments I've tried to book for outwith work hours because I don't feel like I've worked there long enough to start taking lots of appointments. If I do take time off for an appointment, I'd want to work the time back anyway.

When I found out about the mix up with my CD21 tests I did mention them at work, I just said that it was some blood tests that I was waiting for and that they had to be taken at a specific time of the month. If anyone asks anything more, I shall say that it's to do with period problems (which it kind of is, just the opposite of what they'll think it is).

Until we know exactly what our treatment options will be, I don't think that there's any point in telling them, and I'm trying not to let it interfere with work. When it does have to interfere with work... well, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

 

[Irish_eyes]

I have not told my boss anything at all. This may sound funny, but I am not comfortable with him knowing my situation athough he is a great boss and he would be ok with it all. I think if he had off me a woman I could tell then but at the minute I do not feel the need to let work know what is going on in my personal life at the moment and I would be appalled if someone asked me why I was going to the hospital, doctors etc. Most of my hospital appointments I have to travel about 30 miles so normally I just take the day as leave so there is no questions.

Although, I have been worrying when it comes around to IVF. It will be something that I would have to think about and if I can get away with either being off on sick or leave then I will not tell him. If I can't get out of it I will have to bite the bullet and let him know.

 

[Skoer1360]

We had a recent management shift and my old boss knew, but with this new boss I really didn't know him and he was super stressed out so I wasn't going to tell him until after I fell pg OR I felt comfortable enough with him. Unfortunately one of my coworkers (we've worked together for over 3 years so I would consider her a friend, so she knew alllll about it) told my boss.. so at a management meeting (there's only 4 of us including me) "Look, I already know you want to get pregnant- there's no point in hiding it, but where do you want to be in the company in a year?" I. Was. Horrified. I almost cried at the table, I had just found out about my LPD (So I wasn't sure how long it would take to conceive), my SIL had just gotten pregnant, and now my boss secretly thinks I'm going to up and leave when I have a baby? Awesome. Needless to say I try and avoid the subject but he keeps bringing it up, asking if I'm pregnant yet and that he has five kids so he can 'tell DH how to get it done' .....so one day I snapped and said "No, actually but I'm currently on hormone medication to make sure that my luteal phase is long enough so my body doesn't reject the pregnancy resulting in a very early miscarriage."

lol, he has now shut his face about it

So, to wrap it up I wouldn't say anything unless you absolutely have to, it's none of their business what goes on in your Dr appts, and they have no legal right to ask.

 

[a1b2c3]

Skoer ..... Your boss sounds like an ass!

I think after hearing all of you, I feel even more like I am doing the right thing and not saying anything. I know everyone is different, but right now this is def the right decision for me.

 

[Skoer1360]

Yaaa... I've learned to deal with it

 

[Jakkiw2]

Well I just started my new job - its with a very big company in the uk... I spoke to the HR department a few days before I was due to start. I said that I had just been refered to the specialist and that I didnt know about it at the time of the interview (complete lie of course) I wanted their advice on approching my new male boss about the time I would need of for the appointments as I was a newbie and under probation. Well I was completely taken aback when the lady said it wasnt a problem and that the company would fully support me with honoring my appointments. I was just to speak to my new boss right away when I started and that if I had any issues resulting from it I was to report it to HR..... Well they day I started , just got my coat off and he said " I know about your appointments HRs been in touch rest assured were all ok with that " phew no more dirty secret !!! I hated lying to my previous company.... I told them i had a big cyst too !!