I must say that I'm honest about it, as this is my second pregnancy. I had a MMC at 11 weeks, where the baby stopped developing at 5 weeks. This happened in June last year. I just want others to acknowledge the fact that iwe lost a preganancy, and I don't want others to feel sorry for me. For me, recognising that it did happen and talking about it has been the best therapy for coming to terms with events. Thankfully all is well at 13+5.
What do you say when someone asks if this is your 1st pregnancy
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kermit4
jumbly baby nearly here!!
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Firstly let me say how sorry I am for all the heartbreaking losses you ladies have mentioned here. We have all lost something very precious to us.
I find this whole subject really hard. I work in a job which entails having conversations with women I barely know on a daily basis. People seem to think that the subject of pregnancy or whether or not you have or want to have children is public property. It really bugged me after my loss when women would ask if I had children, if I wanted children, even if I was trying for a baby. I didn't really know these people so I didn't want to unload the story of my loss onto them but it broke my heart not to mention my little man and honour his memory. I make it a rule of mine never to ask about family until someone mentions one... you just don't know what pain and loss others have gone through.
Now, even though my bump is getting more obvious, I try not to tell anyone I am pregnant if I don't know them very well. I just can't bear the conversation. Luckily I am at the inbetween stage where i look like i might just have been enjoying the cakes so no-one asks me yet!
I'm thinking of being very mischeivious when I'm a bit bigger and looking hurt and shocked when people ask me when the baby is due!
Friends family and colleagues (even my DH) seem relieved that I am pregnant again. Like I can't be grieving my little lost one any more. OK so it's helping me move on but it's so important to me that this bub is not replacing my first little man. This bub is a brother or sister to him. I am still sad that I never got to meet my little man.
Sorry for the vent here... just realised how long this post was!!
Much love to you mums-to-angels.
K.x
I find this whole subject really hard. I work in a job which entails having conversations with women I barely know on a daily basis. People seem to think that the subject of pregnancy or whether or not you have or want to have children is public property. It really bugged me after my loss when women would ask if I had children, if I wanted children, even if I was trying for a baby. I didn't really know these people so I didn't want to unload the story of my loss onto them but it broke my heart not to mention my little man and honour his memory. I make it a rule of mine never to ask about family until someone mentions one... you just don't know what pain and loss others have gone through.
Now, even though my bump is getting more obvious, I try not to tell anyone I am pregnant if I don't know them very well. I just can't bear the conversation. Luckily I am at the inbetween stage where i look like i might just have been enjoying the cakes so no-one asks me yet!
I'm thinking of being very mischeivious when I'm a bit bigger and looking hurt and shocked when people ask me when the baby is due!
Friends family and colleagues (even my DH) seem relieved that I am pregnant again. Like I can't be grieving my little lost one any more. OK so it's helping me move on but it's so important to me that this bub is not replacing my first little man. This bub is a brother or sister to him. I am still sad that I never got to meet my little man.
Sorry for the vent here... just realised how long this post was!!
Much love to you mums-to-angels.
K.x
3xscharmer
4 earth babies!
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I mostly tell the truth to those who ask, but when like a customer asks if its my first I just say yes and drop it. But I tell everyone else that this is my third pregnancy after 2 miscarriages. I lost my 1st at 10 weeks 1 day and my second at 4 weeks 6 days and when ppl find out I'm pg and ask if I have children and I say no and sometimes they feel like they should ask me whether or not this or that has happened yet and let me know what I have to look forward too...that's when I stop them and inform them that this is not my first rodeo, I know what to expect during these early weeks and that I've had a few m/c's in the past, that usually shuts them up . I guess I feel offended when they say those things for me and for my angels.
B
Bumparoo xXx
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Totally understand your problem hunni.
I lost 2 babies before getting pregnant this time, but not many people know as they were both in relatively early stages. I usually tell people that this is my first baby but I know, and my partner knows, that that doesn't mean we didn't love or want the 2 we lost, it's just easier for us to not talk about. We just hope that our angels are up in heaven watching us and understand why we say what we say.
All the best hun x
I lost 2 babies before getting pregnant this time, but not many people know as they were both in relatively early stages. I usually tell people that this is my first baby but I know, and my partner knows, that that doesn't mean we didn't love or want the 2 we lost, it's just easier for us to not talk about. We just hope that our angels are up in heaven watching us and understand why we say what we say.
All the best hun x
I always said it was my third pregnacy if it was a medical person who needed to know.
If it was a random person in the street and I didn't want to explain myself to them I would just say "yes it is."
For people we know or if I'm feeling brave I usually take a deep breath and say "No, we had a stillborn son and a premature daughter who died."
It's a horrible question and I often find myself comforting the person who has asked it. They are usually horrified that they have said something that might upset me and in some cases it's none of their business but I know nobody can tell just by looking at me that we have lost two babies so I try not to get upset when someone asks as it is usually an innocent question but it is a very difficult one to answer.
If it was a random person in the street and I didn't want to explain myself to them I would just say "yes it is."
For people we know or if I'm feeling brave I usually take a deep breath and say "No, we had a stillborn son and a premature daughter who died."
It's a horrible question and I often find myself comforting the person who has asked it. They are usually horrified that they have said something that might upset me and in some cases it's none of their business but I know nobody can tell just by looking at me that we have lost two babies so I try not to get upset when someone asks as it is usually an innocent question but it is a very difficult one to answer.
xx
terri21
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This is a tough one, i think it depepnds on who is asking and what the situation is.
I have found though that when people ask me if its my first I panick and dont know what to say so just end up saying yes. Then i feel so guilty afterwards because its not its my 3rd pregnancy. But if i did decide to explain I would say well no actually it is my 2nd baby, my first baby passed away just after birth. I wouldnt explain my miscarriage to anyone as I feel that is a very personal loss and it is my business.
I would say just do what you feel is right in the situation and dont feel guilty because whatever you said, you done it becuase it was easier for you xxx
I have found though that when people ask me if its my first I panick and dont know what to say so just end up saying yes. Then i feel so guilty afterwards because its not its my 3rd pregnancy. But if i did decide to explain I would say well no actually it is my 2nd baby, my first baby passed away just after birth. I wouldnt explain my miscarriage to anyone as I feel that is a very personal loss and it is my business.
I would say just do what you feel is right in the situation and dont feel guilty because whatever you said, you done it becuase it was easier for you xxx
secretbaby
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I have an 11 year old so get the 'do you only have the one child' or 'how many children do you have' if you say 2 they say 'how old are your children' then its I have an 11 year old and my baby died last year.
or if its strangers I say I have one living child.
Both these answers normally stop the questions. I could not say I have one child - as that would be denying my son, who was with us such a short time but lived and breathed (all be it mechanically). I do find it hard when people ask nosey questions. I have told one person that I work with about the pregnancy just due to lifting stuff and she said 'oh was it planned' What business is it of theres if it was planned?????????
It is very hard though -especially when talking to strangers.
or if its strangers I say I have one living child.
Both these answers normally stop the questions. I could not say I have one child - as that would be denying my son, who was with us such a short time but lived and breathed (all be it mechanically). I do find it hard when people ask nosey questions. I have told one person that I work with about the pregnancy just due to lifting stuff and she said 'oh was it planned' What business is it of theres if it was planned?????????
It is very hard though -especially when talking to strangers.
