What do you say when someone asks if this is your 1st pregnancy

[littleblonde]

I dont like to say i lost one and this is my 2nd as i feel thats my business and should share with who i want but i feel wrong if i dont recongnise that i have been pregnant.

Obviously to medical staff i have alwasy said.

Just wondered

 

[rainbows_x]

I lost my first very ealry on, only a few close friends knew about it, so I just say to people who did not know about the previous miscarriage that this is my first, obviously not medical staff etc, it's just easier for me, I don't want people asking about my first.

 

[Carmello_01]

The most innocent questions from people can really be some of the toughest. With this pregnancy, with love and luck this baby will be be our 2nd but our 5th pregnancy. The people I'm closest to know the situation, with others who I see on a regular basis and I am comfotable knowing about the losses, I just say this will be our second but we had some losses. Most then get the message and don't pry and if they go further I'm happy to talk in more detail as miscarriage shouldn't be the taboo it is, if the situation is appropriate to be speaking about it of course! (ie. not in the middle of a work meeting). And strangers, well I just say 'our second' and hope that they bugger off and stop being nosey!

 

[JASMAK]

I find it hard to talk about quite honestly. This is my sixth pregnancy. I have two children. So, what I say is, with my first child or my second child...I try to avoid the word "pregnancy". But, if someone were to bring it up (which no one has) I would probably say it is my sixth.

 

[I_AM_LIVID]

It´s a little different for me because I didn´t have a m/c but gave birth to a grown baby that died two days later. I saw him, I touched him and I buried him. So yes, I tell people that ask that this is my second pregnancy and that my first passed away. Most mothers that have had a baby die after giving normal birth are constantly scared to forget the little life lost, and when we fall pregnant, we dread feeling that it may seem like a replacement when it really isn´t.

Shortly after my son´s death, no one would so much as talk about him near me because they were scared to hurt my feelings. Little did they know that by not talking about him, that hurt my feelings.

 

[OmiOmen]

I don't like that question but about 90% of the time I say I have had two m/c's or say it is the first pregnancy to get this far. I know it probably makes some people feel uncomfortable but I don't see why I should say yes to make it easier on them and a lot of the time I find the majority of women say how many they have had. I would say after my first I never brought it up when people asked why we was not trying for a baby or something like that but after the second I was just honest about it and like I say, I find that most people have had similar experiences when I do say.

 

[johnson23]

I find this question really hard to answer as like "I_AM_LIVID" my children (twins) were born but then died aged 8 hours. Since their deaths I have had 3 MC. So I am always honest and say, no its not my first, but things are a little complicated as my children died. Depending on the environment, people will either be sympathetic to you or close down from the conversation. But for me my twins are still my children and therefore I have to acknowledge their existence. I think it also depends on the mood I am in as to whether I mention the 3 X MC.

Hope that helps
Regards
Amanda

 

[dizzy65]

usually i say that its my first as i dont want people to be all like judgeing and all sympathetic and all that because ive lost 4 and it hurts still to think about it, so when people ask is this your first im not going to say , actaully its my 5th. i do tell medical staff thou

 

[im_mi]

if someone asks if this is my first baby, i say no, its my second, because i am trying to stay positive in assuming this baby will go to term. if they ask me if its my first pregnancy ill tell them the truth in that its my 4th. there is so much silence surrounding miscarriages, it bothers me that we are not 'allowed' to recognise and grieve for our lost children in case we make someone else feel uncomfortable. so i refuse to stay quiet about them.

 

[Lexi mummy]

my daughter was stillborn at 33 weeks so i always say this baby is my second because she is my second. i would never say this baby is my 1st but it is different when you lose a baby so late on as everyone who knows you knows you were pregnant and due to give birth very soon. i also arranged a funeral for my daughter, gave birth to her and held her. however you should see the looks i get from people when i say this is my second and they then ask about my first and i have to explain she was stillborn some people just completely act like lexi wasnt a real person and that breaks my heart because she was real i felt her kicks, she knew me and i knew her. one women i work with also refers to my daughter as it and looked at me like i was odd when i said it was my daughters birthday and that we got her bits for her birthday.

i have decided that i unless i get on really well and trust the person i am speaking to i will say i have 2 kids but my eldest passed away and that i do not want to talk about it any further. i dont think i could cope if one more person acts like lexi was nothing and that i should of moved on by now and forgotten. ive even been told by that women at work that i was lucky she was stillborn and it would of been worse had she died at say 2 weeks old, this really upset me a lot. people can be cruel and negate how much your baby meant to you x

 

[Jox]

Like Lexi Mummy....my son was stillborn at 36 weeks so this little beanie is my second pregnancy...my second child....I had 8 months with Kasper, felt him kick, gave birth to him, held him, kissed him, buried him....

Im sorry if im wrong saying this but think you should maybe change the title of this thread to include miscarriage somewhere i.e what do you say when someone asks if this is your 1st pregnancy after your miscarriage(s)...im sorry but no mummy who gave birth to her child could possible not include that baby as one of her children. Please remember that there are woman in here who had much later losses....

Again im sorry if i have offended anyone

 

[OmiOmen]

I am sorry that you feel offended, I don't think anyone is comparing a miscarriage to a stillborn or saying it is the same sort of loss and defiantly not trying to offend anyone. I know the reason I answered this post and imagine others did that had m/c's and not a stillborn is because the title asks what you say if people ask if it is your first pregnancy and not your first child.

 

[littleblonde]

sorry if anyone felt offended. it was just a question. I wasnt including or excluding anyone. i understand that the later the loss the more upsetting this is and that a still born baby is a baby and would never compare an early loss to this. So again im sorry. i just wanted to no what people say

 

[Las78]

I have 4 babies but only 2 with me and one due fairly soon. I always say I have 2 and one on the way, I don't mention my loss, I hate that I can't find it in me to recognise my lost baby as such but I do think it is purely because it hurts to talk about it with people who just don't understand.

 

[SadMummy]

This is one of the hardest conversations I have on a daily basis. I lost my son at 14mths old and went on to have 2 miscarriages after that. I always say this is my 2nd Child and this usually leads to "how old is your 1st"? to which I reply with the honest answer of 'he died when he was 14 mths'.

Most people just give their sympathy and move on to another subject or say their goodbyes quickly.

Most of the time i'm strong enough to handle the question but when i'm not so strong it sends tears rolling down my cheeks.

 

[xforuiholdonx]

Since Im only seventeen, I try as hard as I can to steer clear of people who dont know the situation as strangers talk and judge based on meer opinion. Its hard for me to talk of my first pregnancy but I always acknowledge it, even though it hurts. :/

 

[Mrs Doddy]

I don't say anything as if they are asking me they don't know me and I really don't want to go into the details with a stranger but as I am saying yes I do think about my loss and inside my head I say no its not

 

[somedaymama]

If people ask if it's my first, I usually just agree because it's hard to talk about my MC and it's really none of their business. Obviously I tell doctors the whole story, but unless I think someone will care and really wants to know, I don't burden them with the information.

My MC was really early though, and no one even knew I was pregnant.

 

[lynne192]

when i got pregnant with my son and we knew he was going to live i said "this is my first pregnancy past 12 weeks..." when he was born if people asked me if he was my first child i say "he is my only living child" but its all what you feel comfortable with, i have suffered miscarriages and ectopic pregnancy, my family doesn't like me talking about it but when other people ask i talk about it slightly don't like making people uncomfortable though, i also talk to my son about his angel siblings.

 

[Wantabean]

i will say this is my 6th pregnancy. if people ask further then i will say i have had 5mcs. i grieve for my babies everyday and to not acknowledge them hurts me even more. if it is a random stranger then i just kinda smile and walk away but tbh i dnt spend to much time talking to people i dnt know lol xx